Valentine's day dilemma

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Ok, I know people are going to take one look at the title and write this thread off as more V-Day bitching. But for those of you who made it this far, at least hear me out.

Basically, I want to send my gf a card for Valentine's day. However, she doesn't really celebrate it, even now that we're in a relationship. I remember giving her a V-Day card last year (about two weeks before we started dating), but it was more of a cheer-up gift because her best friend had started dating the person she had a crush on. It was one of those funny interactive cards with lights and sound, which depicted Cupid flying into a high-voltage power line. (Yeah, my sense of humor is whack).

Fast forward 11 months. She still hates V-day even though it's her first time not being single at the time. I know she thinks the holiday is purely superficial, but I still want to send her something, just as a gesture of my love for her. (Oh and BTW, we are now in a long-distance relationship of about 100 miles or so. She lives in Casper, WY and I live in Laramie, WY, so it's not too bad.)

Should I still send her the card, even though she rejects the idea of V-day?

Yeah. I think she'd still appreciate that you cared?
Maybe make a little joke inside that you know she hates it, but you love her so you couldn't help yourself or something.

Personally, that'd make my heart melt.

You should send a card. A simple, pretty non-Valentine's card. Tell her in a few lines why she's special and how you feel about her. Don't bother to mention Vday. It just happens to arrive around Vday.

Yes. If she says she doesn't celebrate V Day this means one of two things. She wants you to acknowledge it despite protestations otherwise or she doesn't care about the holiday one way or the other. If scenario A is the truth then she will appreciate the card and you will be in trouble if it doesn't arrive. If scenario B is the truth she will still appreciate the card though you would not be in trouble if it does not arrive. Either way, she will appreciate the card and as her boyfriend it is your responsibility to go above and beyond whenever possible

Send a card for sure but send it so it gets there not on Valentines day but a week before and just make it a normal card about how much you care and act like it is any other day.

To reinforce it even more send her a card a month about something you like about her or a romantic date you had that you look back on fondly. That way you get to tell her how much you care once a month and not once a year because the stores told you too

Thanks for the advice everyone! I'm thinking I'm going to send her a handmade card, maybe with a little anime picture on it. I think she'll appreciate that more than the store-bought cards.

Just be assertive. Heck, if you really want to blow her away, blindfold her and drive her to a really nice restaurant or do something really elaborate with leaving trails of rose pedals that she has to pick up. I'm sure you can sort her out on this if you try and, after a point, if you make a real thing of it she'll realize that she can't turn it down just because its Valentine's Day without really being disrespectful of your efforts.

Hope that doesn't sound manipulative but - think of it as a back door way of sticking up for yourself on this.

I would send her a small non-card gift which you know she would like and is entirely unrelated to Valentine's Day, but a handmade card is also a nice idea.

I thought something like that, also. What emlion and Midlife Aspie said also hold true. You will melt her with something heartfelt whether she says she celebrates the day or not. then everyone's happy...

Once I got a birthday card from someone that said something like Happy Birthday Nephew! and he'd crossed nephew out and put my name instead. Then inside he scribbled out the other person's name and put his. I thought it was really funny. Maybe you could mutilate a Valentine's Day card in a way she'd appreciate since she doesn't like it.

You could make up your own day as a 'valentine's day' so you're not being 'sucked' into the marketing/consumerism that the 14th of Feb implies; then that day is always 'your' valentine's day. Or use another Country's valentine's day, not every Country celebrates the 14th (the majority do, but there are some who don't), that might be a bit odd to 'muscle in' on someone else's Val. Day, but the meaning or history behind why they celebrate a specific day may be more apt.

Anyway, just a thought!

Here's a nice suggestion. Many European and Asian countries celebrate International Women's Day on March 8. It's kind of like Valentine's Day and Mothers' Day rolled into one, a holiday to show appreciation for women in society. You can celebrate that instead, because it's meaning is more honest, anyway. The ways of celebrating are the same: greeting cards, gifts, and dinners. (International Men's Day is celebrated on November 19 in a smaller number of countries.)

You may have trouble finding a greeting card for International Women's Day in the US, since it's not celebrated in North America. But they'll definitely have them online. Just make sure you stick with a reputable site like AmericanGreetings.com, otherwise you and the recipient will get spam.

Thats the best outcome a guy could ask for

Thanks everyone! I think I've decided what I'm going to do.

When I turned 18, my friend Cassie, who is really good at drawing manga-style, sent me a hand-drawn comic. I was really into the anime Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion at the time, so the comic unfolded into a recruitment letter for the rebel military force, the Black Knights, with a picture of Lelouch/Zero that she traced from something online. I thought it was epic, and I still have it on my corkboard today.

So I'm thinking about drawing a comic for her, with an anime theme that ties into V-day somehow.... hmm... I don't really watch that much shojo... perhaps something like Macross Frontier? Yeah, that would work, there's a lot of romantic overtones in that show, yet it's not too girly for my taste. Plus I love May'n/Sheryl Nome for their music.

But at least I have an idea. Thanks guys!

Oh go for it. Even if she doesn't celebrate Valentine's day it sounds like a lovely plan to give her something nice and not too soppy then anyway. My boyfriend and I don't pay much attention to it either but for our first one I made him a card with a labelled diagram of a kidney on it... if he's really lucky he might get a heart this year.

When it comes to Valentine's day gifts or cards, I usually try and keep it simple. I wouldn't go with anything real fancy if she's not a fan of the day, but I think she would most certainly appreciate some sort of simple sign of affection. Does she like stuffed animals or anything? They don't even have to have anything relating to Valentines day on it. You don't even have to mention the date. I'm sure she'd like that.