Crying when angry or defending yourself

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I don't know how many other people experience this but it is so intensely embarrassing... whenever I get angry or I am put in a position to defend myself, I cry. It's totally out of my control. For the past two weeks I've been trying to hammer out my daughter's IEP - trying to get revisions made - and in both meetings, I lost it. How are people ever going to take me seriously? And I know, when I get that bad, I just want to agree to anything just to get out of there. I didn't, I just asked for tissues and kept on crying as I argued because it needed to be done but I shut down for three days afterwards, totally exhausted.

Is this common and does anyone have any helpful tips to overcome it or work through it in the moment?

I do as well. I don't have advice, just wanted to put it out there I do the same. I just say I'm man enough to admit I cry when I am overwhelmed. Maybe because I haven't figured out how to not cry myself.

I have cried at every single one of our 504 meetings, whether they're going well or not. I then go home and cry on and off for a few hours.

I was an angry crier as a child...as an adult, I can usually postpone the bursting into tears until I'm safe at home - but the combined memory of being in school/concern for my son/sitting in a roomful of seemingly disapproving teachers and adults is too much for me. I used to get incredibly frustrated when I was younger that nobody would take me seriously because I would burst into tears and scream when angry...I didn't know about my own possible AS, and I don't know if it would have helped if I had, but I remember thinking exactly what you articulated just now. The only strategy I have is to swallow it until later and then dump it all on my poor husband (who fortunately is quite understanding about it.)

Worst is when I'm trying to explain something upsetting and I'm crying so hard I can't get the words out.

In watching my son, though - I'll take crying over losing control and physically lashing out.

<hugs>

It's very common, this is what is known as a meltdown - or at least that's how it sounds.

I get the same, when I need to defend myself, when I don't know my rights or options, feeling trapped - the last time this happened was when a staff member at the job centre was being prejudice and trying to kick me off benefits for being an aspie, I didn't know my rights to be able to tell her she was in the wrong or what to do to avoid making the situation worse, so I broke down crying. In my head I can be screaming abuse at them, I can be arguing, I can be strong and know exactly what I want to say to them...I'm just too busy with uncontrollable crying and trying to fight that off, feeling terrible because you can't defend yourself, you seem weak and pathetic in front of others.

I had them several times a day as a child, whenever anyone tried to call on me in class or talk to me, now they are less common...only now they're FAR more embarrassing, particularly as I am such a strong person.

Me, too - I'm well-known in my community for being someone who publicly and calmly stands up to people who are in the wrong. I'm sure everyone in the 504 meeting was struggling with comparing that image to the one of the woman with snot running out of her nose.

I'm glad to know I'm not alone. This was just incredibly frustrating especially since I planned ahead. I knew I'd have trouble articulating so I wrote out all of my concerns, with full annotations and had them all sit and read it before anything was said. (Those people sure read slow... 15 minutes for a single page! ) I rehearsed what my points were, my defenses, my arguements, but as soon as I realized they brought a 'specialist' in to essentially tell me 'no', I lost it. But I kept on fighting... even through the snot.

I'm only now realizing THIS is why I've always done this. I've never thought of myself as weak but this is the one thing that makes me feel that way.

I do this for pretty much every emotion other than happy. I find it kind of frustrating because when I start crying, I become non verbal. I can't communicate by anything other than sniffles and choked out cries when I'm like that.

Hell I almost started crying earlier when 2 adults came up to me and told me to move to a different location because my computer cord was a safety hazard. I don't know why, but I felt really bad and had to stop myself from tearing up when one of the guys left. All I could ask was "Why did it take two of you to come and tell me that, why couldn't one of you do it alone?".

*hug* Definitely not alone.

Same thing happens to me. The tears just make it worse since I can't say why I'm crying, & I end up crying even harder. People tend to think I'm just being a big baby too. I wish I had some advice about how to stop....but unfortunately, it still happens to me often enough that I am completely embarrassed when it occurs. If only I could get my brain to kick in instead of shut down, I might be able to get somewhere. It is nice to know that I'm not alone with this issue.

I do this, particularly when arguing with my partner, which renders HER unable to argue, not me. I try not to do it, because she feels awful even though she knows it's not because I'm specifically upset.

Worse when some people think you're pulling crocodile tears to change their minds.

I do the same thing as well. When I need to describe something that's overwhelming to me, I always shut down and cry. I use to observe how the other girls in my LD class would be calm and collected, while they explained complicated matters with the teacher. Howcome they could do that and I couldn't? I've come to the realization that I'm a sensitive brown-eyed Cockney.

The crying seems self perpetuating too. If I'm crying because I'm angry, whomever I'm talking to either gets sympathic or angry and both just make me angrier so I cry harder. I'll choke out that I'm not crying because I'm upset but because I'm angry and then I get those strange sideways glances from there forward. Why does my brain think verbally in those cases - I KNOW what I want to say, the words are in there - but react emotionally and I'm blubbering instead. When people yell or scream, even if it's not at me, or not even in anger, I immediately tear up. But I have a hard time crying when I am actually sad.

I wanna know who crossed my wires. I know it wasn't me because I would have followed the schematics to the letter...

Ugh, THIS. Inappropriate emotional expression FTL.

I cry when I am angry, especially when I am being harassed. It makes me feel so helpless when that happens because the people who are antagonizing me either won't back off and keep continuing to make me angrier, or they will start laughing at me.

I cry when I'm angry or upset, sometimes. I also usually just leave and go somewhere private when I get to that point. I do not like dealing with people in that state of mind - on one occasion I was angry and in tears over something a friend's wife was telling me (that is not to ever talk to said friend again) and she thought I was upset and grief-stricken and I was trying to tell her off. ugh, I hated it.

I spent several years with depression, during which I didn't cry, I'd just get angry and not know how to constructively deal with it.

I hate crying in front of people and I also cry when frustrated, upset and sometimes for no reason at all and I can't stop it, it has to run its course. The worst part for me is I can't talk (and don't want to) and my mom(who I'm usually talking to at the time) tries to talk to me while I'm crying and trying to retreat to my room til I'm calm. I have tried to explain why I don't want her to talk to me then and can't talk to her at that time but I don't think she quite understands it as she hasn't stopped doing it yet.