Social Networking

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So, it was somewhat forcibly pointed out to me that I not only suck at this, I have no idea it's going on most of the time. The entire idea is vague and fuzzy to me.

I mean on some level, I think I do it, just by meeting people and getting to know them. But I have a friend who is in much the same social circles as I am, and gets more invitations and offers for all kinds of things than I do, despite the fact that practically speaking, we're working on the same level on the same subject. But the difference is, she knows who to talk to and how to talk to them to find these opportunities, whereas I have no clue that they even might exist and never really think of looking.

I do not know if I'm explaining this well, because I don't have a firm grasp of what's going on here, but does anyone else have trouble with this?

You are lucky to have a friend to talk to and ask about those thing to begin with. If you have none like me, then you are out of luck to begin with. Its the same old thing as the young person trying to get a job. You have to have experience to get the job but how can you get that experience to begin with if nobody hires you. The same applies to friends, invitations and social networking. You simply cannot network if you do not have the connections to begin with and Aspies often do not have that starting connection or any way to get it.

I make my friends through my interests. In this case, political activism. While we both have basically the same public profile wrt our activism, she's been invited to speak at events, participate in national level organizing, and I'm...not. I still don't know how to do it. I asked her, and I don't even think she was able to make sense of the question. She seemed to assume that I was expressing jealousy or frustration when I was expressing confusion. "How does this happen?"

I knew about the idea of networking, but I had no idea of what it entailed for...well, I'm 41 now.

Okay, also: It may sound like I've got a ton of friends. I really don't, and it's difficult for me to sustain friendships for very long. Most of the people I make friends with I know in the context of a) the internet and b) my special interests.

I know what social networking is intellectually, but I suck at it, and am obstinate in understanding why it should be necessary. Doesn't my performance matter more? Doesn't what I get accomplished matter more? But evidently not. Unless you're playing the "game" you're largely invisible.

Which can be liberating, eventually.

I know what you mean. I'm surrounded by a lot of people with similar jobs and they have all sorts of social connections, and I'm always the one left out. Somehow, I just miss opportunities that they get. I'm never invited to parties and social gatherings. I have no idea what I'm not doing that they are doing. There is just something missing.

OMG, I totally relate to this.....I have been noticing this recently again, intensified....The feelings are SOOOOOOOOOOO sucky.....hurt.

Some small relief --

I read a book about friendship by Temple Grandin and a man whose name I don't remember, but the man wrote some really great stuff about just practicing social interaction over and over and getting better at it....I found that encouraging enough that I started trying again after a period of just giving up.....and actually started having a bit of positive results!

What I found is that my ability to emotionally detach and follow guidelines actually gives me an asset in social engagements -- if I keep reading books about relationship "rules" and guidelines, networking, love, etc. I can put them to use quite easily -- my ability to pattern things and count/classify things seems to work for me here.....

THe biggest challenge is to detach from the pain, adn to take enough space and rest to let the feelings pass....The pain doesn't actually have to stop me from my goal.

Once I also realize that what I want is a few GOOD friends rather than the multitudes that my friend has with little actual intimacy, then I feel better....

does that make sense...??

Nancy

This makes sense.

Did you mean this book?

http://store.fhautism.com/p-122-unwritt ... -pers.aspx

You might want to invite some people over to your house. People will eventually reciprocate.

Yes, that is the book. I found it very helpful, to hear the things that he did and practiced and how he did get better. I got it out of the library.

I have invited so many people over to my house and NO reciprocation, EVER!! !! !! !! !! !

It just gets discouraging to depressing....It is not about being "normal" or not and comparing (altho that can sometimes come into play too); it is about having SOMEThING missing -- like a "connection gene" that is just missing, and I'm invisible and no one connects and I'm just floating off in space by myself....seemingly no matter what I do!

At the same time, I AM getting better.....but that fear and depression lurks around and makes it challenging -- reallychallenging at times....Then people arelike, What's the big deal? Just go out! because they jsut don't get it....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! drives me CRAZY!! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Good part is, I guess, that is what brought me here....soooooooooo nice when people do understand....It is healing.....

Maybe when I'm done venting, I can have more thoughts about how I'm getting better, perhaps more constructive....I am sorry for the delay in replying; I only go online communities once a week so taht I have time to practice socializing etc.!

Nancy