Any tips on how to avoid smiling at inappropriate times...?

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15 Feb 2011, 4:48 pm

I am not much of a smiler, don't really show emotion most of the time, but I have a tendency to smile at inappropriate times, ie someone is telling me something sad.

I am not smiling becauseI find the situation funny by any means, I don't really know what is behind the smile. I have to put a LOT of concious effort in sad situations to avoid looking happy at another person's misery...

Does anyone else have experience with this and/or have any advice to better control this reaction?


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Philologos
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15 Feb 2011, 4:53 pm

Never smile?

Seriously, if I had a clue how to make all my expressions work in synch with the environment I would be very happy indeed.

I need too much help in this area tio be much help.

I actually do try to keep the face pretty immobile around many people to avoid accidents.



LibertiORDeth
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15 Feb 2011, 5:01 pm

I sympathize with OP completely (Must be a Washington thing :lol: ) but in my case it hasn't caused too many problems, since I can usually attempt to correct it with a sympathetic comment or attempted gesture (and then trying to not smile further).



zeldapsychology
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15 Feb 2011, 5:08 pm

Showing emtions inappropiately is an Aspie thing I'm 100% guilty of. Madison (the 9 year old) got hurt at the fair I was laughing (since I thought she was just scared after getting off the ride) dad then said SHE FELL WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! I show emotion incorrectly A LOT! :-)



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15 Feb 2011, 5:09 pm

Philologos wrote:
Never smile?


Heh heh.

I was going to say "sew your lips shut".


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Verdandi
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15 Feb 2011, 7:05 pm

LibertiORDeth wrote:
I sympathize with OP completely (Must be a Washington thing :lol: ) but in my case it hasn't caused too many problems, since I can usually attempt to correct it with a sympathetic comment or attempted gesture (and then trying to not smile further).


Hey, I'm in Washington and I sympathize too.

A few weeks ago I was commiserating with my niece because she managed to get pulled over and cited for something, and while I definitely felt badly for her, I couldn't stop smiling. It was so damned annoying.



buryuntime
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15 Feb 2011, 7:16 pm

Bite your lip or cheek.



meerkateer
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15 Feb 2011, 8:01 pm

Quote:
I have to put a LOT of concious effort in sad situations to avoid looking happy at another person's misery...


Yep, I do that too. I wonder if people think we're evil or sadistic. Has anyone found that once you start smiling, it's hard to stop? Like you'll realize that you shouldn't be smiling in that situation, but you find it funny that you are, then you smile more and start laughing too?



y-pod
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15 Feb 2011, 8:06 pm

How about avoid situations where smiling is forbidden? :) Don't go to funerals and if people are about to tell you something sad, find an excuse and run away? "Sorry I really gotta go, I'll call you later and you can tell me all about that on the phone." Then you can smile all you want when they tell you over the phone. :D



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15 Feb 2011, 8:07 pm

I wish I could tell you. I tend to have a constant line of thought going, generally visual in nature, and my face often reflects what I'm thinking about. So when somebody is telling me about how the hockey game score was 4 to 1 favoring us, and I'm thinking about something random like the Crisis of the Third Century I tend to have a sour look which has led people to ask me why I look pissed over good news


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15 Feb 2011, 8:08 pm

No real advice. But I do have a funny story. Well, looking back on it knowing what I know now, it's funny. Working at a large company, I've had a lot of practice smiling. I got a bit of a reputation for always being happy. And then when the stocks crashed a few years ago, I kept going like normal. Until someone actually told me that "at least someone was smiling". I remember being really confused. Now I just think it was funny.


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DeusMechanicus
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16 Feb 2011, 2:23 pm

In my experience, the most significant problem with managing facial expressions at inappropriate times is that you don't realise that you are applying the incorrect expression until other’s take offence.



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16 Feb 2011, 3:10 pm

Find a reason to look the other direction. Turn around, walk away if possible.
I will sometimes do a full circle.

I don't know if this helps. It may just point out to nt's that you're different. But maybe you could find a way to incorporate it without being obvious.

It's what I do.

Other than that I don't have any good advice. That's just what I do.


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16 Feb 2011, 3:32 pm

bonuspoints wrote:
I am not smiling becauseI find the situation funny by any means, I don't really know what is behind the smile. I have to put a LOT of concious effort in sad situations to avoid looking happy at another person's misery...



As a seriously emotionally dysfunctional aspie I really can't offer you very sound advice. But these have been my coping skills. Avert eyes, walk away, turn circles (slowly, I can't describe the way in which I go about doing it), hang head.
Maybe you could simply state that you are sensitive and can't handle difficult information.

Edited to add:
Walking away, turning circles, and hanging head are ways to disguise the fact you are smiling.


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16 Feb 2011, 7:17 pm

remind yourself constantly.. This is a funeral ... that smile is not helping anyone feel better.. O.o