Why is it that I blow every opportunity of making a good...

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impression at anything?

I pretty much get shamed out of everything, jobs, friendships, maybe I was just born to be a f*cking loser who no-one likes.
The only real friends I really have are family.

Wish I was dead quite frankly, simply so I don't have to cringe any more.

I am sorry you are hurting. I have always found it helpful to remember life is an attitude. There is an old saying; "two men looked out of prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars". I feel we have all been put here for a reason and there is always someone who looks up to each individual. When someone thinks negative thoughts, they give off negative energy and attract more negative energy to themselves. The opposite is also true; if a person thinks positive thoughts, they give off positive energy and attract more positive energy to themselves. This is the same advice I have given to my daughters so always remember that nobody can make you feel bad about yourself but yourself.

me too.

hale_bopp, I understand how you are feeling (I think as no person is exactly the same I may be mildly incorrect but only mildly). It is hard when you try and try and don't seem to get success. It is good that you have the support of family, not everyone does.

It is hard to pick yourself up again and again but remember you weren't born to be a loser. If those who care about you could choose a life for you, they'd choose a happy one. No one cares about a loser, your family cares about you thus you're not a loser (na na ne na na ).

Perhaps to try this thing that I tried before, in a friendly area try to smile at strangers (who look grumpy). It really helps some of them feel better even if it doesn't seem to work it does because a person did it to me once when I felt really bad at work, just a smile I felt so much better about things for the rest of that day. You don't have to but it can help both you and strangers to feel better.

Thanks, but nothing seems to help.

I seriously don't know what to do. I don't want to kill myself because that can go horribly wrong, but I don't want to live, either.

Aye? Where does the 'shame' and cringing come from?
Do you do things that after the fact you feel ashamed about?

You know why hale_bopp. You have AS.

Keep plugging away. I think you are cool and so will others. They are out there.

There will be plenty more opportunities to make a good impression without blowing it. I have quite a strong hunch that people look up to you on here so maybe more than just your family are a source for real friends. I hope I spelt source correctly

Internet aquaintences can only go so far. If everyone in real lifes hates me because I say and do the wrong thing, theres no point.

Is the saying and doing 'the wrong thing' what you actually mean to do i.e. you say and do things as you mean and others don't like that, or is it a case of constant f*ck-ups i.e. things don't go the way you meant them to?

Everyone in real life seems to hate me too.

When I was your age I was kicked out by my Kiwi roommates. heh. I could charm people short term but had yet to learn those longer term skills to maintain my position in a group.

I'm sure you've seen your skills improve over the years. Have some confidence that it will continue.

I have not eaten or drunk all day. I have not left my room except for toilet and shower. I've been made to feel extremely uncomfortable in my own house and I don't know if I can't wait until april to move out.

What is happening in the house?

I've been in situations where housemates are horrible. I was very unlucky when I was in college, four years of horrible people, I know I'm not a horrible person now but then I really thought there must be something I'm doing wrong because they're acting so mean. I wouldn't be supprised if something like that is happening to you.

It's easy to have a negitive self-view when people are treating you badly but it's not you, it's them. Nasty people don't deserve your thoughts or energy. Take a deep breath and think of all the really good things that exist: (for example, this is how my list would go) family, kittens, puppies, flowers, music, trees.

It is me. I have meltdowns due to hormones and aspergers and she can't cope with it. She's the perfect type of NT out there. I had one with her in the house and about 2 or 3 when she was out over the course of 2 years.

Basically its a joint tenancy and its ending soon, she came in last night and tells me she wants to keep the flat but does not want me as a flatmate.

I feel like a worthless loser but i'm sort of glad. What i'm not glad about is the fact I'm living in someone else house right now. She pretty much claimed the house and threw me out of it.

I would not usually suggest that someone on the Spectrum share a living space with someone else.

About the meltdowns, to my knowledge they're involentary, a reaction to negitive stimuli. Thus they are not your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself for her choice, it is possible that she just wants to live alone and likes the apartment.

Also, NT's aren't perfect, they're human but because of the social difficulties we Spectrumites have it's easy to think they are. It's also easy for us to think that an NT is always acting correctly socially towards us but they can and sometimes do act in ways that other NT's would get very angry about towards an Aspie. It can be that we don't get the cues but it doesn't make us bad people.

There are also nice NT's that exist, who will try to help when they understand we're floundering.

A loser is a person who hurts someone because they want to, I really doubt you like to hurt people on purpose.

I really hope you feel better soon. I also hope you find a really nice place to stay.