Aspie Guys and Decisions

Post Reply New Topic

I have 2 aspie guy friends. (and a girl aspie friend who's totally different and quick with decisions...too quick sometimes!) But, anyway, I noticed the two guys have taken A LOT of time lately to make a few decisions....like weeks! Why is this? Just confusion? Anxiety? Do you just really care a lot about the subject matter? More importantly, if you didn't care, would you waste weeks thinking about it? It doesn't make sense to me to waste weeks on something I don't care about deeply.

Giving specifics about what the decisions regard would be helpful, I think.

Not a guy, but I'll answer anyway:

I need to make the CORRECT decision, even if I don't actually "care" about the subject. In order for me to make the correct decision, I must analyze ever little detail involved with whatever it is I'm deciding. That can take days, or weeks, or months, or years.

People who make snap judgements mystify me.

For me, its all about the track I need to follow, in order to arrive at the correct decision.

With simple things, this means zipping along the way through points a, b, c, d, e, f, g, etc really quickly and arriving at more often than not the right decision/answer.

When it comes to my current or long term interests or something of grave import, I relish (but don't always enjoy) the process of learning and going over things again and again, and as the person above said, this can take weeks, months, years, however long it has my attention.

When it comes to the things I care about deeply, it can be a time consuming struggle to get where I feel comfortable I've made the correct decision, but with every-day matters, for me, as long as it makes logical rational sense, its usually very quick.

Not sure if that helps, heh, but there it is.

One guy is deciding about applying to a job. He likes the field but is unsure if he'd like the atmosphere and the people. It would be his first real job.

One guy is focusing on a relationship decision right now I think. So, I see that as either ya like the girl or ya don't. bam done. don't waste time on somebody you don't care about. So, I hope he's not wasting time on somebody that is meaningless to him.

I dated a 3rd aspie friend and we're friends now still. i guess he kind does the same thing too. But definitely not the girl I know!

It's hard to be sure, without a specific example, but here is my take on it. First, my memory is really, really slow, compared to most people. Also, it takes me a while to switch my attention to a new topic. For this reason, I never make a decision immediately; I always postpone the decision until I have a chance to think about it. Usually, though, I try to get back the next day.

Beyond that, it really depends on the type of question. If it is a complicated question, I will want to review all of the possible consequences. If it is an important question, I may be unsure of the answer, and feeling insecure; in this case, I might delay until I am forced to make a decision.

You also need to consider the personality of your friends. Some Aspies are the shy, quiet type. Others will say whatever is on their mind.

Well they're both the type with word vomit but then they go and take forever to make a decision. So, I hear back and forth word vomit on a subject but no final decision for a long time.

oh and, I listed the questions up above.

This seems like insecurity to me. It's a difficult decision, and I would really take time to balance the alternatives.



This is a more complicated question. It could be that he does care about her, but that there are some negatives in the relationship. He wants to decide whether the negatives outweigh the positives. Another possibility: many Aspie men have a lot of difficulty in finding women; I don't know if this is true for your friend. If this is true, then he may be balancing a flawed relationship against the possibility of no relationship.

I think you kind of nailed it. The first guy still lives at home with his parents and he's 26. He's completely comfortable and happy that way.

The second guy does have trouble finding a girl. I think this is the only one that ever reciprocated feelings for him. He's similar to the one that I dated in that I was the only one that ever said I liked him. However, I hope neither guy ever settles for any relationship over no relationship. Is this something that aspies do? The second guy is very sweet and deserves somebody that he really likes...not just anybody.

I don't know if it's an aspie thing, but I'm a female aspie and I and very indecisive. I just worry about making the wrong decision or regretting it.

Okay. He's in a comfortable rut. The truth is that in his heart, he probably has already decided not to take the job. I think that if he really wanted the job, he would have made the decision much more quickly.



My guess is that he knows that he is going to stay with her, regardless of what problems there may be. He just doesn't want to admit it yet, not even to himself.



Yes, this is what aspies often do.



That is sad, but sometimes you do what you have to do. I just hope it works out well for him.

I've done this sort of thing myself. Most of the time, if want to make a change, I will make the decision pretty quickly. If I do not want to make a change, then I will prolong the decision as long as possible.

Oh dear. Well, they did break up and that was fast and months ago. The decision that's taking forever is about starting from square one again, even as friends and then go with the flow. At least that's what I've gotten from it. That's where I worried about him. I thought he might be coming around again to settle for her.

First guy, yea...he's probably not going to apply. He's pretty comfortable in the job that he's very overqualified for now. eh well.

He's probably shy about the application process. I wonder if he's not so much worried about the atmosphere as the interview and the fear of rejection. I avoided getting a job for a long time because I was afraid of how to act for the interview. Once one has a job, it's pretty easy to fall into what it requires, but getting past that ambiguous stage of applying is the frustrating part.

Relationship decisions are hard for lots of people, aspie or no. Still, it took me about a year to realize for sure that I didn't want to be with my first (and previous) girlfriend, and a good year or so actually breaking up with her. I initially was doubtful though that it would work, and I think that was a good intuitive indicator.

Well, that's a little different. I think that he has already decided not to settle for her. He just doesn't want to commit to the decision. He might still change his mind; if that happens, something will happen very quickly.

He really doesn't want the job, he is in a comfortable rut and there is not a huge incentive to get the job.



People do the craziest things when they are in love. It is not a logical thing like you describe.



Don't Know

One more thing...He's once said to me that he "can't think linear". Is this familiar with anybody? I kind of have the same problem but I'm unsure if it's aspie or not.