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Jamesy
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26 Feb 2011, 5:36 pm

SOME NTs i find can be an impossible and painstaking task to talk too. its like sometimes whatever i say goes in one ear and out the other. I can say something to them and they just do not respond back to me (even when repeated).

Is it because NT people are obssesed with using body language and non verbal cues? People that are closer to the spectrum i can have an easy and fluent conversation with but some people are impossible and myseterious to me in the respect that just talking to them caues stress kind of like the really blunt type of people. Yet i see them talk to other people and have deep meaningful conversations with them.

do you ever find this happens to you often with some people? Its like learning maths having to make small talk with the 'normal normal' people that have no quircks or ecentricities. I find NTs who have an interesting and quircky side to them an easier job too talk too.

maybe its just because 'normal normal' people don't like people who are quircky and they prefer more down to earth people?



Ikonovich
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26 Feb 2011, 5:42 pm

I find a good assumption to be that whoever I'm talking to is stupid unless they prove otherwise. Usually works out alright.



E-FrameZenderblast
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26 Feb 2011, 6:31 pm

Sometimes I start talking to someone, then they start talking to someone else in the middle of what I am saying. Other times I say something to someone once or twice, then they say 'what?' or 'were you talking to me?'. It is bloody annoying.



Jamesy
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26 Feb 2011, 6:37 pm

Sometimes i say things to people (assuming they will understand it) but when i do say it they don't understand what i am talking about even thought it makes perfect sense to me. Now thats bloody annoying :x

I think some NTs are just plain stupid and simple. basicly there just used to ways of communicating that are primitive.



sillyputty
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26 Feb 2011, 7:28 pm

I think some NT have preset expectations for conversations. They seem to expect to hear certain things, and if they aren't hearing what they want to hear they seem to not be able to hear what you are saying, and tend to write you off. It can be annoying. :wall:


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wblastyn
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26 Feb 2011, 7:36 pm

I convince myself that people I get on with are intelligent, which enables them to accept "novel" behaviour, whereas stupid people can only accept that which they are used to, I.e. The "norm".

It may be arrogant, but it makes me feel better. :P



CockneyRebel
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26 Feb 2011, 8:32 pm

E-FrameZenderblast wrote:
Sometimes I start talking to someone, then they start talking to someone else in the middle of what I am saying. Other times I say something to someone once or twice, then they say 'what?' or 'were you talking to me?'. It is bloody annoying.


The same bloody thing happens to me. That's one of the reasons that I'm not going to my clubhouse as often, because those types of people are everywhere in that clubhouse.


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SeizeTheDay
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26 Feb 2011, 9:22 pm

I have a problem talking to anybody. Some people with ASD can get on my nerves too. Possibly because they want to talk about their strong interest and I want to talk about mine, I don't know. But if I have to see the same people over and over (i.e. work) it will take me several weeks for me to understand how to talk to them.


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chris09
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26 Feb 2011, 11:14 pm

Jamesy wrote:
SOME NTs i find can be an impossible and painstaking task to talk too. its like sometimes whatever i say goes in one ear and out the other. I can say something to them and they just do not respond back to me (even when repeated).

Is it because NT people are obssesed with using body language and non verbal cues? People that are closer to the spectrum i can have an easy and fluent conversation with but some people are impossible and myseterious to me in the respect that just talking to them caues stress kind of like the really blunt type of people. Yet i see them talk to other people and have deep meaningful conversations with them.

do you ever find this happens to you often with some people? Its like learning maths having to make small talk with the 'normal normal' people that have no quircks or ecentricities. I find NTs who have an interesting and quircky side to them an easier job too talk too.

maybe its just because 'normal normal' people don't like people who are quircky and they prefer more down to earth people?


I totally agree. I have a very hard time talking to some people and no problem talking to other people. Funny I saw this thread because my BMX team manager just called me and I ignored the call because I can't talk to him without making a complete idiot of my self. I cause so many awkward pauses while taking to him... or he says something meaning something else then I respond to literal to the remark then he awkwardly pauses probably think "What"?

And these conversations go on too long.., the guy talks for like an hour about things I don't give a crap about. It is agony and super stressful to talk to these people. I hate to say that behind his back too because he means well and is a nice person.



Mahlon
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26 Feb 2011, 11:25 pm

Ikonovich wrote:
I find a good assumption to be that whoever I'm talking to is stupid unless they prove otherwise. Usually works out alright.


I tend to operate under this assumption too, and as you say it works out, when I don't offend people for being "condescending".



Jamesy
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26 Feb 2011, 11:27 pm

Well everyones different



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27 Feb 2011, 6:36 am

Engagement is a skill. It takes a long time to learn how to effectively get someone's attention and communicate something to them.


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TOAOEddieD
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27 Feb 2011, 1:52 pm

Well, if it adds anything to this conversation at all, I'm an NT with two Aspie friends. I'm not going to generalize anything about all Aspies from this, but my experience has been this:

Both of my AS friends report the same annoyance with most NTs. I've tried to deduce why this is, and in their case I have to agree with what someone mentioned above - it's because they are talking about (often lecturing actually) about their area of special interest, and some NTs just ignore them when they do. When I've witnessed it happen, the NT person has given cues (nonverbal of course) that indicate they're not interested in the conversation, but since my friends have difficulty noticing this, they continue until the NT does something flagrantly rude like ignoring them outright or "tuning them out."

I've learned to not do this around them - when either of them begins talking about a special interest of theirs I engage them (if I know anything about it) or ask them to explain it to me (if I don't). Occasionally they both get a little wrapped up in tiny details that I can't follow and I just tell them "you've lost me - what do you mean?" when that happens.



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27 Feb 2011, 2:32 pm

Im not a 100% sure what ur talking about. Some NTs I find easier to talk to then others, there social fluency doesnt really make a difference. However NTs who are more socially fluid tend to read way more into body language and they'll often misread me, thats the problem I find. NTs are constantly judging you by your apperance and body langauge even when their not talking to you. Thats where I fail, tho if you actually do start a conversation with me, they'll sometimes find that Im a lot more open to talking to them then I appeared to be.

For you maybe its an interest thing. Common interests can drive conversations often. Quirkier people might have more similar interest to you perhaps?? Tho admittedly I do like quirkier NTs cause they tend to be more interesting people in general. The normal NTs are more boring and I have much less interest in getting to know them.



Jamesy
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27 Feb 2011, 3:06 pm

Yeah i don't really share the same interests that my friends do.



MotownDangerPants
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27 Feb 2011, 7:25 pm

I know what you mean.

I really don't like talking with my hands, and don't use a lot of gestures,

I try to speak very succinctly while doing this, I think it seems weird to some people. It seems like they have to listen *very* closely to what I'm saying.