Which have it harder? Male Aspies or female Aspies?

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I don't mean with relationships - I just mean living in general, especially within peer pressure and social cues.

Personally, I think females have it harder, and I'm not just saying that because I'm female myself - I really think life is more pressure on Aspie girls than Aspie boys. I don't know any female Aspies (apart from myself), but I know 2 male Aspies who seem to have more friends than I've ever had, and they've got AS just as much as I have (in fact, I've got Dyspraxia, and just mild AS).

I think this because when you're a young female it seems you have to like certain things to enable you to get along with other females. I've been criticised because I don't like make-up, pretty hairstyles, clothes shopping, celebraties, and I don't know anything about fashion. I'm not interested, and it's one of those things what aren't part of my liking or my routine, so I've found myself not being bothered about it. But because the majority of females my age like all this stuff, I don't fit in with them, no matter how good my social skills may be. Or even if they were really poor, I still would be socially accepted if I was into all this typical female stuff. Well, other women in my family say it would help if I was.

As for boys, they all muck in together and don't seem to judge eachother on what clothes they're wearing or what they've got on their face. One of the male Aspies I know isn't into football or cars, and he never smiles at all - just grunts and mumbles all the time, but I see him with friends all the time. It seems that boys don't want that much out of eachother, and it doesn't matter what interests or hobbies they have. (OK, it sometimes can help a bit, but peer pressure doesn't seem as intense as what it is for females).

Also, the ''rules'' for men and women are very extreme. Men seem to ''allowed'' to go out looking dirty or snanky (this is just where I come from - I don't know about other counties). I see men go around with big thick grey beards, and thick hair on their chest, and greasy hair on their head, and even teeth missing, and it just seems OK to others. But if a woman went out with unshaved legs, or with greasy hair, it looks odd and people seem to comment on them. The other day my friend told me I should pluck my eyebrows, and when I said, ''but my brother doesn't do it!'' and she just said, ''he doesn't need to do it - you have to if you're a girl.''

But if it's femanine to have long hair on a girl and masculine to have short hair on a boy, then how come if a boy has long hair like a girl it's OK, but if it's femanine to have shaved legs and masculine to have hairy legs then how come it's really ''disgusting'' for a female to have hairy legs?

So it's easier to be an Aspie male because men seem to be ''allowed'' to get away with looking different if they chose to, but women can't. So it is harder to be an Aspie female, because since I lack some of this knowledge (well, I did used to), I will get teased. But it doesn't matter too much if a man lacks some of this. This is just how NTs have made our society into - a completely stupid competition.

It seems that girls can give off vibes easier than boys.

I'd agree with you and says girls as well. We tend to be critical of each other (NT girls at least) if we're not wearing the latest fashion, not matching our clothes, not gossiping about other girls, etc. If we don't have a boyfriend by a certain time then they assume we're gay and then they tease us for that.

I'm a girl myself and I'm very likely to be HFA/AS (I only had a 6 month speech delay, dunno if that really counts, other than that i fill out both criteria ), and I had a really hard time in middle and high school with female peers. I was an outcast because I didn't have any fashionable clothes, I didn't wear jewelry, I didn't talk to many people and I had weird interests. I was seen with my nose in a book trying to hide from the world more than anything. I didn't start to shave my legs until middle school, and even then I didn't want to do it often because it irritated me.

Girls also tend to fly under the radar too, so they may not get a diagnosis as easily- which in itself can create problems. A diagnosis early on can help a lot.

Who has it harder? MALES on the spectrum OR FEMALES on the spectrum?

Pay attention to the caps. Then read it again, and pay attention to the caps again.

LOL. Love.

I dunno, I think men and women have unique challenges so it's hard to weigh who has it tougher especially coming from my little bubble.

I think personal eccentricities are probably more accepted with women than they are men and are probably more likely to lead a normal life(get married, have kids, ect.) than their male counterparts thus why you see the lower incidence of diagnosis in women.

I think its most unhelpful to have this topic of discusssion.

From what Ive seen of similar threads, they just lead to more hatred and intollerance, we experience enough of that in everyday life and wp should be a place where aspies can unite together in understanding and compassion for each other.

we dont need a 'war of the sexes' we need more love and kindness.

We certainly do. *gives love and kindness*

What are you on about?


And I'm not going against males or females. Why does every time I start a thread about something, somebody has to see a problem with it, instead of just giving your opinion related to the title, like what the first couple of posters have done?

I'm NOT making females look better than males or making males look better than females, or whatever you think I'm trying to explain. I just thought this might be an interesting thing to discuss.

Females. EASY! My parents expect as a girl to do my hair for more than 5 minutes of just brushing and pulling it back. I don't WANT to do it all fancy fancy that's not my style. Clothes are usually not fancy just shirt and jeans. I hate showing my legs so even in Florida summer I wear jeans all the time not shorts. I'm immature and childish. I was into playing with toys into my teens and PJ's usually have characters on them or some such thing. It's sad we are expected of so much as females. Rudy Simone mentions in her book Aspergirls she hated stereotype gender roles such as the guy calling the girl. I agree!! !!

Guys have it far harder and they are much more likely to find meeting girls and forming friendships harder.

So how this question work for those on the spectrum that are of an androgynous sexual identity?

Who cares? Things are tough all around. Societal expectations associated with gender create problems for all of us. Debating who has it worst seems like a waste of time.

Well how come girls on the spectrum are more difficult to diagnose?

I think that females have it harder. We're expected to be feminine and if we're not feminine, our mothers go out of their ways to strain to make us more feminine and pretty. I was never interested in being feminine and pretty and I've always wanted to grow up to be a man. Well, I guess that's pretty obvious judging from my rank title, right there. I've never felt comfortable wearing girly girl clothes. I've always hated skirts, dresses and pretty hairdos. I fashion myself after The Early Kinks and I take pride in looking like the chubby one.

Women are supposed to be into hair, guys, celebrities, diets, hunks, QMFM and makeup. Not me. Fekmales are supposed to be small and dainty with no fat or muscles. Not me. Females are supposed to pluck their eyebrows so you can't see their personalities. Not me.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 04 Mar 2011, 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.