Aspie going out with an aspie...

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So I'm a high school senior with Aspergers. I made friends with a cute, quirky girl in one of my classes, and by some miracle she said yes when I asked her out. Things have been going pretty well so far, but I've noticed that she just doesn't seem to put much effort into the relationship. Physical intimacy isn't an issue (without going into detail...), it's just that she doesn't ever initiate conversations. It's just kind of troubling. Any advice? Anyone been in the same situation?

By the way, she mentioned she had aspergers syndrome about a month into our relationship. I had sorta guessed thanks to her mannerisms, but didn't want to bring it up first.

Myself, and I'm a guy in my forties, after an intense interaction even if it's a good social interaction, I might need a day or two of alone time. To kind of decompress and emotional integrate the experience. So she might need more alone time than you

Or, alternatively, she might be afraid of making mistakes with what she says? If so, you kind of need to try several different medium ways, in both word and deed, to gently give her permission to make mistakes, and only some of these will probably work.

Oh, and congratulations on your relationship! I hope it continues to develop and evolve.

I have a big problem with aspies that are like your girlfriend because they give you no obstacles about banging them yet they can't really communicate with you so you can REALLY get to know them better. To me, it looks like she's on an aspie ego trip where she finally has a boyfriend but it's more like sporting a medal...like you're a piece of property. She'll spread 'em to keep you so she can feel as good as the other girls but really doesn't communicate or DO anything for you other than bang you...but bang you to keep you in order to reassure herself that she is as good and /or desirable as the other girls - mostly the NT girls. It's all about her and NOT you. There should be MORE. Dump her. She gives nothing because she has nothing to give - only sex. You need LOVE. Eventually the sex gets boring and there's nothing else to keep the relationship going.

Woah, that's a bit extreme I think. When we do spend time together I really enjoy her company (and hopefully she enjoys mine). It isn't all about sex. I just want to know how to get her more proactive about starting communication with me. When I call her up she's almost always eager to talk, but she has a hard time initiating things with me.

Zlonis,

Your girlfriend sounds a bit similar to me. My ex-girlfriend and myself had a ritual where we would call each other every night, and I really looked forward to this every day. It was a bit of a bummer when we'd miss a day. When my ex broke up with me, she mentioned that our conversations were a bit of a bore. I didn't talk much about myself or my thoughts; all I did was ask her questions when I felt like it was my turn to contribute. Basically my ex said, "A real conversation between two people isn't just about asking questions." It stung a bit. At the time I realized I had trouble with communicating, but we both didn't know that I had Asperger's symptoms. Although I didn't initiate a lot of the conversation, I really liked her company.

I loved her and knew that communication was an overwhelming reason for our breakup. Now that I know what's wrong with me, I tend to avoid chatty people that expect me to say something meaningful all the time. I just can't do it, and I know it will lead to disappointment on their end. My mind is blank unless the other person asks me a direct question, or it's about a special interest. My ideal match would be a quiet person that can enjoy long moments of silence and a lot of hand-holding.

I suggest you examine how your girlfriend acts around her peers and close friends. Does she initiate conversations, or does she just stay silent with an occasional interjection?

Zlonis,
No harm intended. You posted and I gave you my honest opinion. I am way older than you and there is indeed a generation gap between you and I. Maybe even two gaps - I'm 50 years old. You say that "hopefully" she enjoys your company. Evidently she enjoys your body -what about all the rest? "I feel" (just my opinion) that you should have already known that she enjoyed your company before you had sex. Why can't she initiate things? Is this an esteem issue with her? Is she used to getting used and dumped? Is that why she doesn't initiate? Some girls start out by having lots of initiative but give up quickly when they are shot down SO much. Their relationships become very shallow BUT when you try to break it off - they freak! That's not normal. I'm not saying this is going to happen but I like reciprocity because they want to reciprocate not because they are happy that I came to their emotional rescue. Did you have sex with you straight away? That's a BAD sign. It doesn't make her a slut. That's her way to hold on to you because she can't hold on to you any other way. That's how she's keeping your attention. It will due for now. A real relationship can't survive it. It's possible that she simply has nothing to give and after a while you'll start to feel like you're caring for a small child or a pet. Being an aspie yourself will give you more patience but you might feel like you were in the relationship longer than you should've been. You're still young, just go the distance and find out. BUT I DO wish you the best, Zlonis. Sincerely. P.S. The BEST relationships I ever had were with introverted NT's.

What if you do something like,

'I tell you what. What if this weekend you take the lead. You call me up and ask me to a date. An event of your own choosing. How does that sound?'