Believing something crazy...

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... but ignoring the belief because it's crazy. Is that managing psychosis or just not being psychotic?

Example: Years ago, the first time I saw a black hair growing out of my shoulder I thought it was a spider's leg sticking up through my skin. I wasn't revolted or scared, I was immediately overcome by the "realization" that spiders crawl around on the inside of my skin and one had accidentally driven its leg through to the other side. Then I thought "that's not how human bodies work" but could never quite shake the belief that the dark hairs on my shoulders are the result of some weird spider leg pitfall zone. I pull them out and see the folicle, they're just hairs but I still think spider legs when I see them.

I don't hear things or see things that aren't there but occasionally I get a very odd idea of the nature of what I'm seeing, and then some kind of weird "faith" in my perception of it despite knowing that it has to be different because it just could or should not be as I percieve it to be.

Maybe it's some kind of narcissism related issue where I can't get passed my own assumptions? But given my self-esteem issues that's kind of a tough sell. I understand reconciling what you know from what you believe is something others call a crisis of faith when the stakes are higher, but this seems somehow different (and a little mundane).

Any ideas?

Maybe you have schizotypal personality disorder.

Oh Lord, I wish I hadn't read that... I'm arachnophobic, and in the past I had a cyst on my arm, that I thought was caused by a fly laying eggs in me. I assumed the eggs were hatching. Funny that we'd have such similar delusions (although I believed mine.) I've got schizoaffective disorder, and have lots of other weird thoughts, though with medication I can see them as delusions. I think if you can understand it's not real then you're not seriously ill, but it might still be worth going to your doctor.

The schizotypal fits based on what I could fin online. My perpetual self analysis sometimes hits a state that seems like depersonalization, particularly when I've been on a tirade and continue to rant I start to feel like I'm watching it happen ratherthan doing it but that's so rare I'm not really concerned.

Also, I am terrified of moths. Like almost panic attack when confronted by them terrified. I hate butterflies too but the moths a like monsters to me.

I remember a very vivid dream from when I was maybe 2 or 3 years old where an enormous yellow butterfly with brown spots on the wings landed on my back as I was sleeping face down and when I struggled to move under it I couldn't because I was paralyzed or pinned under it. Still creepy.

I've had thoughts like that, but it never occurred to me it might be a symptom of a disorder.

Honestly, I'm not convinced it is. You *know* what you believe is incorrect.

It's not full blown psychosis, but there are psuedo and latent forms of it. They don't always turn into full blown psychosis and it's unclear if people with this type of thinking are at greater risk for developing full blown psychosis, but it is something to be aware of.

how can this thought process/behavior be helped if it is constant and very annoying? (Suggestions I guess?....nobody is an expert and there is no one solution)

I have a schiz spectrum illness too. I quoted the above post because I had a delusion about the work KNOW and seeing know quoted still disturbs me. Irrational yes, but thoughts such as these can be really disturbing.

I have these little hair-like spider legs things that pop up everywhere and its happend before. The first time it was just one on my leg and i thought it was a insect sting with the stinger still in it? well i picked at it until my skin pussed up and it got infected and i was convinced that it was a spider bite or a staph infection. I also noticed the black stinger would come back and i picked at it (the spider leg bump thing) and it seemed almost like a small hole and so i pulled out a stinger or leg for the second time and then i pulled out another thing small like a insect stinger (this one was not black) it was a yellowish color anyways.....I had thought when i started picking at it that it was a spider bite and somehow the spider leg and/or part of the spider somehow got stuck in my skin when i was bitten?? I dont know but i eventually decided i had a bite or a staph infection and i couldnt understand why my mother was acting like this bump was just an infected hair or something minor that would be ridiculous to seek medical attention for.... my mother is not like that she has a good head on her shoulders and takes care of things.... she never saw this black hair or leg or stinger....that ended with me finally going to the E.R. and them telling me my leg is fine and they gave me meds for anxiety and said i show signs of bipolor disorder. [b]------When this happened i had not slept in almost three days strait and i assume it was all my imagination[/b]


that was the first time

its happend this week but they are everywhere....these black spider legs.....i would describe them more like short sometime very short black in grown hair looking things and they are all over me (there arent a scary amount) they are scattered on my body as consistently as moles would be.....and actually i have noticed they are usually on my moles and some freckles and bug bites...........i ask people if they see them and they just say no its just a bug bite or a mole.......

i literally pick at these black things with a needle and have three small sores on my face where i have picked at them and i always push them out with a needle and they come back........ They are like ingrown hair but not attached like i dont have to pull them out.....they look like some one stuck them in my pours .......Im not going to pick at them anymore bc i have now noticed they are on everything not just my body....pillows,carpet,clothes etc. and its everywhere i got not just my own house and belongings.........

I also feel like i see things differently then what they are sometimes....nothing ridiculous at all though......just stuff like how i look....i also have bad self esteem issues... i believe i have body dismorphic disorder as well maybe? My weight and my body in the mirror dont match up....i feel bigger then what seems realistic and people tell me to eat and worry.... That and other things happen mostly with feelings wether im happy or sad i will some how convince myself that its different then what it looks like or makes me feel ...like i just know that my reality is warped about smalll things.......but really as crazy as i just sounded in this long babble of a reply im really not noticably crazy......if i am crazy and i assume i have some thing going on i hide it well other than this blog.........

like god?

If you think it's crazy, there's nothing wrong with you.