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My name is Colin and I think that I have Asperger's Syndrome. I haven't been formally tested yet (trying to find northern Alberta resources), but I've always been different and the research I've done indicates that I have a lot of the traits commonly associated with Asperger's. I know it's kinda cool, hip, and trendy to self-diagnose as an Aspie, but I have some real issues and I'd love to talk about them with some folks who may share similar experiences. I'd also like to talk with a pro, but I'm not holding my breath for that one. I doubt there are any Asperger's experts up here in Fort Mac.

I've just had my third long-term relationship implode mainly because of my idiosyncrasies. Twenty-one years and three relationships failed. Seven years doesn't seem like an uncommon average lifespan for a relationship, but all three gradually failed for the same reason. I'm extremely tough to live with. The women I've dated seem to be able to adapt for a period of time, but eventually become tired of centering their lives around what I need. I find change (even small ones) to be upsetting, so my current spouse has been changing herself to fit into my life and has grown too weary to keep up with my behaviour patterns. I can't blame her for wanting out. I'm not trying to push the important people in my life away, but I do some things without realizing what effects they may have on my SO. I'm not making excuses or laying blame here, just acknowledging what I can see.

I recently decided that I wanted to go back to school across the country in Waterloo. To me, it didn't seem like a big deal. I could come up on co-op terms, she could come visit on vacation. It didn't occur to me to discuss the plan with her first. in hindsight, I see that I acted badly, but at the time it was something I needed to do and I didn't see how anyone could have a problem with the plan. To go back to school, I have to take the prereqs (I am a college grad, but dropped out of school very early due to anxiety issues). I ordered the necessary courses and threw myself at them. I would study before work and after work. I'm doing awesome at the courses, but I neglected to see that while I was happy to be pursuing my goal, my wife was angry that I wasn't spending time with her. She even tried to tell me about it, but the information didn't click properly with me. The only part of it that I could see was her unwillingness to support me in my pursuit. It seems greedy and self-centred when I type it out. My unwillingness to have kids, coupled with years of dealing with my "otherness", and capped with making the big decision without consulting her pushed her over the brink. She has moved out and we will be getting a divorce soon. She has just become overloaded and doesn't know how to talk to me anymore. I didn't realize how far away from me she was even though she had tried to tell me. To illustrate one of my tendencies, I found out about this on Friday, took Saturday off from my studies to allow time to be sad, and hit the books hard on Sunday. Does that seem like a typical behaviour pattern? I am broken-hearted, but I feel the need to pursue my goal even now. I didn't do it intentionally, but I sacrificed my marriage to pursue my goal. I do love my wife in my way, but she needs normalcy in her life and I don't think I can give her that.

After watching the HBO movie, Temple Grandin, I saw some definite parallels between the experiences portrayed in the movie and some of the stuff that has happened to me. In fact, I was almost brought to tears at some parts because I've had similar experiences. Things were not exactly the same, but close. I have a good memory and am acquainted with seeing the page in my head long after the book has closed. I see patterns extremely well and am very good with math and physical sciences. I can push away from the world and focus on a task if I manage to convince myself that the task is relevant or interesting. For every good trait, there is what I would call a challenging trait. I don't spin or rock, but I bounce my legs when in social situations or when anxious. I used to experience extreme anxiety attacks over breaks in routine. I still am upset my routine breaks, but not to the same degree. Groups of people and multiple conversations going on around me tire me out and cause me to pull in.I'm not good at reading people; sometimes the meaning can be lost on me even when directly explained. I did a couple of those assessment quizzes and scored high. I had read about Asperger's before, but it never hit home until I saw that movie.

One such challenging episode near the beginning of my high school days signaled the end of my high school days. I had been held back in grade 8 because I could not deliver a speech in front of the class. I simply stopped attending school to avoid the experience. Up to that point, I had been classified as gifted. I was failed due to a lack of attendance and shipped to another school to repeat the grade. At the second school, I was placed into a special needs class because of my disciplinary and truancy problems.. After one week, I was transferred into a gifted stream where I was encouraged and I excelled. I was moved forward into high school halfway through the year. As an illustration of what I deal with, here is my introduction to high school. I've never brought this up before. It seems so silly now. To begin, I was very anxious and ashamed to have been held back. On the second day of school, I ended up in the wrong classroom for home room. The kids laughed at me when the teacher figured out I wasn't supposed to be there. I walked out of the classroom, out of the school, vomited in the grass, and came close to collapsing and passing out. After that, I never went back. I couldn't go back. Reading those words on the screen makes it seem like an extreme reaction, but at that time, even a small break in routine could cause a reaction like that.

Fast-forward to now. I still feel disconnected from people. I spend the majority of my time (all my time now - my wife was my link to being social occasionally) alone. I have two dogs to keep me company, but I will be moving into a room soon and will have to ship my friends off to Ontario until I can finish off my retention agreement. The company has pushed layers of work tracking and other paperwork onto my job and I catch flak for things beyond my job scope and my control. I'm finding it incredibly hard to stay connected enough to my work to care about my work performance. In the past, this event would have crumbled me. Part of me feels like packing it in like I've done when I've been hurt in the past. However, this time I am more determined and I think I understand a few more things about myself.

Now, a question to see if you've been paying attention. Has anyone had any luck with proper counseling? I have access to some considerable resources through work and intend to try it out (despite my reaction to talking to people face-to-face). I hope someone can give me a little guidance. I don't really want the lifelong relationship pattern I'm seeing to be my future. I've been called anti-social, but that label is not correct. I'm just not good at being social.

Someone please write back. I need options!

Hi Colin, my name is Mike and welcome to Wrong Planet

But your right, I'm not anti-social despite what people think, I'm just not good at being social. That summarizes it real good.

I cannot say if counseling will help you out. I never tried it myself. I'm sure someone here on WP would be happy to discuss their experiences with counseling.

That is the nice thing about WP. Your with people that understand and have even been through the same thing that you have. They are happy to discuss it with you. Sometimes that is help, because you no longer feel alone about what you are going through in your life. To realize your not the only one struggling through life is a uplifting experience in itself.

So don't be shy. Post about any problems you have, feel free to share your experiences by replying to other people's post. We don't mind giving advice and receiving it. We just want to help each other out with the struggles that is our daily lives

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

Thanks. I've been looking around and I like it here.

Welcome!

To WrongPlanet!! !