Other kids

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I thought I had calmed down, but maybe not. My son went to daycamp with other boys his age and I was a parent helper. These kids were MEAN the way they made fun of him, exiled him - it wasn't just a no, thanks - it was more a "let's get him going so we can then ostracize him" - it was so blatantly mean.

One of the boys had been to our house and considered himself a friend. He's got his own issues, and they seemed okay when one-on-one at our house.

At camp they were assigned partners for the closing ceremony. This boy actually complained to me that he was forced to partner with my kid.

Two weeks later he calls and asks to come over and play.

So, what, my kid's okay as long as no one else knows and no one else is around?

aaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh!!

Sounds like he could be tought a lesson in curtosy but he is a lil kid and I don't think he wants to be ostrized either, which if he has his own problems he might get that too alot so don't be too hard on him and let him come play (did your son understand what was going on before that he was complaining if so you might try and ask for an appology.) Oh and remember I am the UOPHA so feel free to ask me any questions.

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"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

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how old are these kids, again ?

how old are these kids, again?

They're 9 and 10 so I am hesitant to write it off as not knowing what he's doing. I've known the other boy for almost a year so I really think he was taking advantage of my kid making him look good.

At the time, I did talk to him. I asked him if it wasn't a partner situation, then who would partner with my son? He still sulked and wouldn't really take part in the whole thing, you could tell he was embarrassed to be partners with my son.

This boy is obviously a fairweather friend to your son. Since you've known him for some time and he's spent time in your home have you considered talking to his parents about what happened?

Then again, you can always help your son find other friends...at my daughters school, they are putting together a presentation to show to her class in September that will help them understand more about AS. It could be they just don't know what your boy is going through; explaining it all to them may help.

in general, it does take boys longer to mature socially. some kids, however, are just not taught manners at home~ that even *if* that's the way you feel on the inside, it's polite to not say anything that would hurt the other person's feelings.....no one wants to feel like their leftovers. how did your son react to this situation ? my daughter , if she was in the same situation, would not have a clue that anything was wrong ~

The camp lasted a week and he was begging to quit. I didn't realize at first how bad it was. He knew, but he tried soooo hard which only made him look more ridiculous. He's far more forgiving than I though.

It will be a long time before we do any more large group activities. There are two boys from the camp, one that was in his group and one that's a little younger - they are both coming over and he's fine with them. But that's a one-on-one friendship instead of a group thing. The one boy in his group was the only one that came close to being nice to him during the week. He wasn't like a buddy the whole time, but if my boy was around he didn't slink off or act embarrassed - he even passed the basketball (the other boys got upset - what'dya do that for? hey, don't give it to HIM, but he just did it again - I like that boy!).

The other, fair-weather friend, yes, I've talked to his mother and she's tried to work with him. He even has an autistic sister but she doesn't get as wild, she shuts down and retreats. I actually like his mom since we're both dealing with situations so it's hard, shutting down the boy means shutting off the friendship with her too.

I don't know - maybe we'll just play it cool for awhile and then consider giving it another shot. Perhaps a few more weeks and I'll calm down.

it's quite possible that having an autistic sister is burdensome to this one young boy.....imagine the conflict of wanting to befriend someone with autism or aspergers, but having to deal with those behaviors at home on a routine basis........for a little kid , i'm sure this could be quite troubling. there are days when my 12 year old wants to pull out his own hair after having to deal with the eccentric quirks of his 2 siblings ( 1 dx'd, 1undx'd) and dad (dx'd)....he loves them all dearly, but some days are just too much...

2 pieces of advice, first if the fair-weathered friend will appoligise you should let them play together again (that is if your son accepts), I am sure its not easy for him. Second next time make sure to listen to your son alot more when he is like that, I always hated when my parents either totally passed it off or totally went to the extreme side. I know your trying to do that but just make sure you listen next time .

_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

Vote for me in 2020