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TeamPlasmaKingNchan
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

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Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 3

24 Mar 2011, 3:17 pm

Hello. I am a 17 year old female senior in high school. I go to a therapeutic high school an hour away from my house. I often misread people's facial expressions and think that they are furious with me. For me everyone looks angry. And tone of voice is another problem. Everyone sounds angry too. Now, they don't ALWAYS sound angry/look angry. It's only when I'm anxious and on the verge of a panic attack. When I'm in good space it's hard to tell I have Asperger's. Last Friday my usual bus driver randomly couldn't pick me up. Instead the bus company said that they would send another woman who I didn't know that well. Meeting people is hard for me and getting on a bus with someone I don't know makes me VERY anxious. This woman didn't come. Instead another woman I HAD NEVER MET showed up. She looked so mad and scary and I couldn't bring myself to get on the bus. My father drove me to school which is hard for my parents to do because the school is so far away.I got to school and was already shaken up by the bus driver dilema. Plus I got to school a little late which made me more anxious. I walked in the door to my school and a staff ran up to me and told me "SARAH. THAT SKIRT IS TOO SHORT. WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT"
First off. WOAH. Huge sensory overload! She was too loud and I was already on the verge of a panic attack. Her face looked scary and mean and her voice boomed through my ears. I felt threatened and sad that she didn't like my skirt. (which I had checked before I left for school with my dad and it was a good length. And not short at all.) Which is what I thought she meant. I was already so anxious that all I could think was distorted thoughts. "She hates me! she hates my skirt! It must not look good on me! I'm fat! She thinks I'm fat! She think's I'm ugly!! !" My brain was racing faster than I could ever explain in words.I started to cry and scream because I felt in danger and hurt by what I thought she meant. The teachers closed the doors to the multi purpose room. (The room I was in) I felt trapped and scared. I kicked at the doors out of frustration and wanting to get out of there. They asked me to go home and I was suspended for two days for disrupting the community and making people scared of me.

I had plans to go to the prom at my friend Amy's sending school with her. I thought she liked me and understood me. She didn't. She asked if she could have a lunch group with her, me, and the director. Something we do often to laugh and talk and joke. We go to her room and she says. "Sarah. Last week you threw a tantrum and I no longer want to be your friend and we won't go to prom together because I don't want you to embarrass me in front of my friends" I left the room and cried in the girl's restroom. Later I spoke to the director (A very nice woman) and she told me that it wasn't kind of Amy to do that and comforting stuff like that. I'm just confused. Why would she think it was a tantrum? I was scared and sad and upset. A tantrum is when little kids cry and scream and kick because they aren't allowed to eat candy for dinner. Or something to that extent. And how would I embarrass her? I would be in good space at a prom. I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT ALL YEAR. She really didn't understand me one bit. I'm confused and sad and I just want to find someone here who does understand me a bit. Thanks.



Mack27
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

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Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 382
Location: near Boston Massachusetts USA

24 Mar 2011, 3:50 pm

Your routine gets broken and you're maybe hoping for a little understanding you thought maybe you'd get it from somebody but you didn't and then the day keeps piling it on making things worse. To top it all off someone you considered a friend doesn't even understand. I've been there, an unhealthy reliance on escapism was my escape.



Mafiawarsfreak
Butterfly
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Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 9

24 Mar 2011, 4:02 pm

I gotto tell you the first thing is that VERY FEW PEOPLE UNDERSTAND MENTAL ILLNESS AND AUTISM. In fact, many people DO NOT BELIEVE IN MENTAL ILLNESS AT ALL.

With that said, I have been in environments where people would laugh at me, girls would tease me to make an ass out of me and people would think I was some kind of show. Because of this you have to be VERY careful how you appear to people.
You are the black guy in a white neighborhood and what one guy gets away with you might get ridiculed and shunned for doing. For example.

If you have a crush on somebody and you seem obsessed on them they will not be aware you have autism and may even think OK THIS STRANGE PERSONS STALKING ME and start talking behind ur back so its VERY important to NOT come on too strong to people.

In addition, if you make inappropriate drawings, odd senses of humor or other issues that may put people off, PEOPLE FREAK OUT NOWADAYS and they will see an asperger person as a potentially dangerous person due to the fact that they do not understand the illness.

I have been in situations where people would say they thought I WAS ON SOME SORT OF DRUGS, I was at a party one time and a girl told me i looked like a thug, and another time I almost got busted in college for driving my bike across campus because they thought I had a stolen bike, only to look at the registration and realize it was in fact in my name. At the same time, I would ask girls out and find them shunning me and automatically labling me as a player, while I would find the first response girls would give me as ARE YOU HIGH???? and that they would NOT PUT ANYTHING PAST ME.

Because of this, its VERY important to be careful what you say, how you dress and act because you can end up looking like trouble to lots of people if ur misunderstood.