Do you think I may have asperger's?
I do know how this seems, but let me assure you- I am not an NT attempting to make a self-diagnosis for the sake of labeling myself.
It is merely that I have a fear and dislike of going to the doctors of any kind, especially mental health, and would never voluntarily go. I cannot bring myself to even ask a question about my health, let alone talk to someone. I practically completely detach when I am asked personal things or have to talk about myself.
I only want an idea of whether it is likely that I have it, not to incorrectly claim that I do, but because it is the closest I will ever get to knowing unless I mature out of my hatred of doctors.
Now, many of these I can be somewhat covert about. I was repeatedly insulted and put down by my mother for being the way. not functioning socially or acting the 'correct' and 'normal' I way as a child, and I taught myself how to mimic others to the best that I could, so I have kind of eradicated my old self while constantly monitoring my behavior. But this is what I displayed at childhood and am probably naturally like without trying to hide (I am now sixteen):
-Lack of social skills
-Unable to make eye contact, or accidentally stare
-Inappropriate facial expression/lack of expression
-Completely withdrawn, did not make friends, unable to form emotional bonds, etc.
-Fixation or intense 'obsession' on specific things or ideas for long periods; all I could think, do, or talk about
-Was in 'gifted' classes, easily memorize information=extremely high test scores, very advanced vocabulary and reading level (level of college at age 8 based on test results) but not as skilled at subjective or opinionated assignments
-Often misunderstand what people say, don't hear correctly, but I have fine hearing on physical test
-Overall 'odd' behavior
As I said, after struggling to change and escape the criticism I have become decent at hiding these, partially through further withdrawal from people, but that is at least what I was like.
Do you think there is the possibility of asperger's?
There is a possibility, but no way of knowing for sure. If it means anything to you (for some people, it really doesn't....other people feel like they have to know), then I would suggest going for an evaluation despite your fear. We all have to face fears sometimes. And anyway, psychologists are not like regular doctors. They don't poke and prod at you, and sit at a reasonable distance. It's not like going to a doctor's office. Anyway, if you refuse to go to a psych as well, the best anyone here can give you is "it's a possibility either way". Lots of NTs have Aspie traits due to other circumstances (and vice versa), so only a psych can truly say if you have Aspie traits due to having Aspergers.
You might have a social anxiety disorder, something that can be controlled by medication.
It can be hard to differentiate the two--Aspies do poorly in social situations because we don't pick up social cues. In many cases, we were actually quite sociable as children, but ran into difficulty as we failed to learn non-verbal interaction skills. It is quite possible to be adverse to something that consistently results in unpleasant situations. But, Aspies such as myself that have learned social interaction skills don't have issues going to the doctor, meetings, or even conventions with large groups of people.
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