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amusedviews
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07 Apr 2011, 2:04 am

So I recently ended things with someone who was I guess uber romantic. He wanted to be together all the time, gave me a picture of a heart like a few days after we met. (Okay it was actually a nebula in the shape of a heart but still a heart) And honestly it just weirded me out. He would just say sweet romantic type stuff to me, and I would just pause and have no idea how to respond. Then there were the hugs and cuddly stuff. I would prefer not to be touched all the time.

I am NOT romantic and I am happy with that. I can fall in love with someone, but I don't like the lovey dovey romance part. I don't need poems, I just want to know he loves me for who I am and can just have fun playing video games or talking about nerdy stuff.

But somehow I keep getting these romantic guys, who treat me like something is wrong with me for not wanting romance! And they always talk about how they are gonna be the one to make me love romance or find that one romantic bone in my body.
I have tried dating someone like that and I always just end up feeling bad that I can't respond the way they want, and they are sad because they feel unapreciated. And of course is MY fault for not changing! I DO NOT want to change! I like being easy and not needing the run around.

So how many of you girls are like me? Or am I the only one?



Chronos
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07 Apr 2011, 2:29 am

amusedviews wrote:
So I recently ended things with someone who was I guess uber romantic. He wanted to be together all the time, gave me a picture of a heart like a few days after we met. (Okay it was actually a nebula in the shape of a heart but still a heart) And honestly it just weirded me out. He would just say sweet romantic type stuff to me, and I would just pause and have no idea how to respond. Then there were the hugs and cuddly stuff. I would prefer not to be touched all the time.

I am NOT romantic and I am happy with that. I can fall in love with someone, but I don't like the lovey dovey romance part. I don't need poems, I just want to know he loves me for who I am and can just have fun playing video games or talking about nerdy stuff.

But somehow I keep getting these romantic guys, who treat me like something is wrong with me for not wanting romance! And they always talk about how they are gonna be the one to make me love romance or find that one romantic bone in my body.
I have tried dating someone like that and I always just end up feeling bad that I can't respond the way they want, and they are sad because they feel unapreciated. And of course is MY fault for not changing! I DO NOT want to change! I like being easy and not needing the run around.

So how many of you girls are like me? Or am I the only one?


They don't sound romantic, they sound clingy and needy. At least the one who wanted to be with you all of the time.

You probably just need to find someone a little more secure in relationships.



amusedviews
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07 Apr 2011, 2:36 am

Chronos wrote:
They don't sound romantic, they sound clingy and needy. At least the one who wanted to be with you all of the time.

You probably just need to find someone a little more secure in relationships.



He was for sure needy, and insecure. Mostly why I dumped him.



Last edited by amusedviews on 07 Apr 2011, 2:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

Gremmie
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07 Apr 2011, 2:36 am

Definitely. I once went out with someone who said that he wanted to "show me the meaning of love". He failed at that. He succeeded in irritating me to the point where I was probably horrible to him. Anyone who wants to be with you shouldn't expect you to change who you are.



keira
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07 Apr 2011, 2:42 am

Hearts, poems and touching all the time really freaks me out. But I do like flowers and chocolate... 8)



amusedviews
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07 Apr 2011, 2:42 am

Gremmie wrote:
Definitely. I once went out with someone who said that he wanted to "show me the meaning of love". He failed at that. He succeeded in irritating me to the point where I was probably horrible to him. Anyone who wants to be with you shouldn't expect you to change who you are.



Woow. haha

I think anyone who has to actually say that, really doesn't know how to.



Sallamandrina
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07 Apr 2011, 2:55 am

You're not alone, I can't stand anything conventionally "romantic". Give it some time, you'll find plenty of guys who will be very grateful for that :lol:


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ZeroGravitas
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07 Apr 2011, 3:27 am

Although I'm male, I feel I must chip in and say that both myself and my girlfriend hate corporatized Big Romance. Hearts, poems, heart-shaped poems, we'll have none of that. She'd stab me if I tried to serenade her. I'd sic my cat on her if she demanded shiny symbols of affection.

We do have romance, though, a weird romance on our own terms. Exchanging Socially Awkward Penguins and lolcats and genetics puns, inventing increasingly elaborate back histories for our pets, telling each other how we would react were the other to become a zombie, etc.

Today, after getting out of lab, she presented me with some of the dried nitrocellulose scum left from doing Western blots. I joyfully made exploding paper airplanes which she blew up.

That's romance, a connection of valued personal interests between two people. No amount of highly advertised dreck, even when dipped in chocolate and subliminally reinforced each year by marketing executives and pop songs, can compete.

I'd like to think that it's not romance that people reject, but the idea of romance which has accumulated ever since the first ad man thought of a way to exploit the insecurity of couples. An evolutionary war game of increasingly explicit symbols has replaced what those symbols were supposed to represent. Its the insincerity of it, and the weakness displayed by those who don't understand that it is insincere, which turns people off and makes them wrongfully ascribe this insincerity to romance itself.

Into swordfighting? Find a man who's not afraid to spar with you. That's more romance than all the chocolate in the world.


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Sallamandrina
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07 Apr 2011, 3:32 am

ZeroGravitas wrote:
That's romance, a connection of valued personal interests between two people. No amount of highly advertised dreck, even when dipped in chocolate and subliminally reinforced each year by marketing executives and pop songs, can compete.

I'd like to think that it's not romance that people reject, but the idea of romance which has accumulated ever since the first ad man thought of a way to exploit the insecurity of couples. An evolutionary war game of increasingly explicit symbols has replaced what those symbols were supposed to represent. Its the insincerity of it, and the weakness displayed by those who don't understand that it is insincere, which turns people off and makes them wrongfully ascribe this insincerity to romance itself.

QFT


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Aimless
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07 Apr 2011, 4:41 am

@ZeroGravitas
Well put.



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07 Apr 2011, 4:43 am

You might want to try someone who is very distant and is probably the opposite. You might get on very well that way as you can keep your own sense of space.



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07 Apr 2011, 6:13 am

I don't mind a little romance, but I couldn't stand it constantly all the time.
Special occasions are fine.



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07 Apr 2011, 6:29 am

-This is a reason I far prefer NT women. They 'expect' things. Things you can read about in a book. If you follow the rules they are surprised. It's the 14th of February, a 'non-optional social convention says I buy you stuff'.
-AS women sound like a bad game of roulette. Well all games of roulette are bad.



amusedviews
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07 Apr 2011, 11:34 am

ZeroGravitas wrote:
Although I'm male, I feel I must chip in and say that both myself and my girlfriend hate corporatized Big Romance. Hearts, poems, heart-shaped poems, we'll have none of that. She'd stab me if I tried to serenade her. I'd sic my cat on her if she demanded shiny symbols of affection.


Thats for sure what I hate. And I somehow keep getting guys who love all that crap.

ZeroGravitas wrote:
We do have romance, though, a weird romance on our own terms. Exchanging Socially Awkward Penguins and lolcats and genetics puns, inventing increasingly elaborate back histories for our pets, telling each other how we would react were the other to become a zombie, etc.


Thats exactly the type of relationship I want! I am so jealous.



necroluciferia
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12 Apr 2011, 5:30 am

I suppose I am romantic in a very unconventional way. I told my best friend when I was drunk that I felt like whatever planet I come from he probably comes from too, which in retrospect seems kind of romantic but not in a horribly sad and desperate way. But I hate soppy love letters and stuff, and when my partner tells me things like he can't live without me, and he would die if I left him I have to bite my tongue, it's really just too much. I despise romance in films and music, anything like that just makes me feel like hitting someone.



astaut
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12 Apr 2011, 10:05 pm

Some people/guys try to act romantic because they think that's what you want, but some are just naturally like that. Have you ever heard of the five love languages? (http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp). My first boyfriend was like yours, OP...we came to an understanding that I was not going to be all soppy romantic, but I would try to return his affection in a way that meant something to him (i.e., his love language). For example, if a guy tells you a lot of nice things, he probably wants you to tell him nice things. It takes work and it's uncomfortable, but it's usually something a couple can get over (in my opinion).


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