Hi, I'm new! Concerned about my 5 year old son.

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Hello everyone, I'm so glad to have found this forum.
My son is currently 5 years old and has attenededdaily 1/2 day preschool for the past school year. Prior to that he went to half day toddler "preschool" 3 days per week for a year. He is an only child and other than his preschools, he hasn't had a lot of social interaction with lots of other kids. Here and there....but nothing consistent. He was slow to talk and as a baby to about 2 year old exhibted repetitive behaviors like hand movements and rocking. We actually had him evaluated twice for autism prior to age 4. Once due to our concern and the 2nd time due to the concern of his toddler preschool teachers. (They were concerned about how unverbal he was and also noticed repetitive gesturing). Both evals were done by Early Intervention and both times he checked out fine. He passed Early Intervention's tests with no problem. They chalked it up to him being a boy and being a late bloomer and being a little socially awkward to being an only child.

Now that he has been in daily preschool since September his teacher keeps bringing up odd behaviors with him. Like strange facial movements, pulling at his face, zoning out into "his own world" during story times, and being very socially awkward with the other kids. He IS totally socially awkward. I know that, I've seen it. He doesn't know how to approach other kids appropriately. He gets right up in their faces and says strange things like just goes "mama mama mama". He doesn't seem to be forming any friendships, at least not like the other kids seem to.

At home he is very very verbal. We have complex conversations. He expresses his emotions, he is a very smart and inquisitive little boy. He's also very artistic. He can tend to get to drawing obsessively sometimes. He does tend to get obsessed with one thing at a time for quite a while. He gets interested in one thing and won't really deviate from it.

We've also found out recently that he is very ne arsighted. We go on May 2nd to see an pediatric opthomalogist for that. I do think (and have read) that poor vision can attribute to strange behaviors. So it will be interesting to see if getting him glasses will help things. (Although, like I said, many of the behaviors we've noticed since he was 1, 2 and 3 years old.)

So anyway....with all this said I am in the beginnings of researching Aspergers online and feeling overwhelmed by all the info. It's so hard to decide if a behavior is something normal in the course of being a little kid, or if it's something to add to the "fits Aspergers list". I guess the best thing to do would be to get a full evaluation by a specialist at this point?

So thanks for having me and I hope to glean some education, insight, and support in this whole endeavor.

Don't be too quick to assume nearsightedness is the answer to things.

I was born legally blind. For most of my life, I assumed that, the fact I was a "genius" (I was reading Readers Digest when I got into first grade), and the fact I had an overprotective, very weird upbringing explained all my own oddness. Even though I have ocular albinism - a very rare form of poor vision that doesn't work like normal nearsightedness - it did not explain it all.

Last year, my wife finally figured out that I really didn't get some things. The fact she finally could see that was so got me thinking about an issue I'd kept wondering about, then running away from, for a few years. I decided to look up the symptoms of Aspergers, and then write my own responses to how well I fit each one. I flipped myself out, because I fit them much better than I even suspected, then, when I came on here, I found other things that I'd assumed were unique to me in the entire world, that others here shared. Yes, I'm self diagnosed - but since then, I've found old letters to my parents from my teachers (this was in the 1960s) that would pretty much guarantee me a diagnosis if I showed them to a professional (it seems I was even more autie than I remember). I simply can't afford the diagnosis, and don't have that much reason to bother. I know what I am. That's what counts. (Of course, it is different for your son, since you need ammunition in fighting the educational system, which will do its best to destroy him in the name of "helping" him.)

But my point is, that I was prevented for years from understanding myself, because I assumed so much of it was just due to my eyesight. But in fact, there are some incredibly neurotypical people out there with horrible eyesight. Neurology has nothing to do with vision.

One important hint, though. Don't try to make the poor kid become something he's not. At best, that will lead to a very messed up kid. You might as well force him to dress like - and pretend he is - a girl. Trying to be NT when you are on the autism spectrum is that disorienting, and that surely doomed to failure. (Yes, there are "successes"; I also read about a case of a boy who, after a horrible surgical accident, was raised as a girl, and that was supposed to be a "success" - until he killed himself.)

My advice is to go with your gut feelings. You are with your son more than anyone else. You see the behaviors day in and day out. Don't let someone else convince you that it is all in your head.
My son is 8 now but when he was 5 we had people telling us that he "is a boy's boy" and "he's just immature for his age" or "he'll grow out of it". We believed them because they were the experts and lets face it we wanted to hear that there was nothing wrong, so we did not have him tested.
Despite what the experts had said he did not improve, in fact things got increasingly worse. We were trying to force our beautifully, wonderful square peg into a round hole and it was just not fair to him.
He was diagnosed with Asperger's Sept. of 2009. We practically had to hold a gun to someone's head to get them to do the evaluation. People who observed him a year ago, and have seen him recently have a hard time believing that he is the same person. The difference is amazing and is the result of accommodations that allow him to be himself and not what others think he should be.

Is your son in a public school preschool program? If he is you can be requesting an academic evaluation through the school system.

I suggest that you look into either Wright's Law or Nolo. They both sell very good book that help you Advocate for your child. I used the Nolo Complete IEP Guide. I liked it because it has form letters that I used to request meetings and services. From what I understand the Wrights Law book is very similar. Wrights Law also has a comprehensive web site.

I would also check to see if there are any parent support groups in your area. Other parents who have been through this are a valuable resource. It was the parents who had gone through it before me that gave me advice and language that got my son his evaluation. It was also very comforting to describe an incident and not have everyone in the room look at me like I was a horrible mother with an out of control child.

I hope this helps. I know it's hard but stay strong.

Welcome!

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