The definately not "poker face" and the workplace

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My daughter is in her 20s and finally made it though school including college, but is having trouble adjusting to adult life, including moving out and getting a job.

One challenge for her is that whatever she is feeling shows on her face. We all occasionally feel bored, put-upon, insulted, confused, etc as we learn a new job, but when you your face always shows these feelings, it may be viewed as insubordination by a new employer, or rude by people who don't know you.

Anyone know Aspies with this same quality, and how they have coped and or adapted?

Speaking out of experience, I know what it feels like. Sometimes we can't sense that we are sending an inappropriate face even though we may be perfectly content.

I think you may be able to help your daughter out by getting together for a period of time with the understanding that you will observe her facial expressions. Give her feedback when there is a discrepancy between her mood and her expression. Just for a short time at first. It can be mentally exhausting for her just like pushups can be physically exhausting. Some portion of this observation should be done in public or at functions. Just don't "debrief" her until you are in a position to be discrete. The public situations require more observation because we tend to be fairly comfortable at home.

Over time it becomes easier. I believe some of my facial expressions have become automatic. I couldn't swing a golf club until I could feel what it should feel like. I can almost feel when my smile is tending towards unnatural and that may be the time to take a break from a conversation and hit the restroom. It is important for her to realize that before she approaches her workers, she needs to get into a frame of mind. She needs to find and feel her neutral expression. An expression that does not seem angry or make people feel you are being deceptive or angry. You can help her fine tune this expression. The mirror is an important piece of learning material and every aspie should make a point of checking their expression in the mirror to watch for discrepancies their in body language.

Now, depending on where on guys are living in the world, the baseline is 10% unemployment. It is a tough job market for a lot of new college grads. The good news is that it's likely to improve (regression to the mean if nothing else).

This is a good approach, just it may or may not work with the dynamics of you being a parent, kind of like giving driving lessons to a family member.

A speech coach or acting coach might help. And an acting coach isn't about being phoney, it's more about being centered, sculpting whatever emotion you have, maybe using a "trick" like a hand briefly at your mouth or on the side of your neck to re-center yourself, that kind of thing.

Excellent advice. the idea that you can learn to match the feel of a facial expression with what she sees in the mirror is not something I had thought of. And the idea of reflecting on how her face feels as she interacts is great advice. Thank you!

I find that to keep my face in check I need to keep my emotions in check. I try keep my mind as cool and relaxed as possible when in front of people at work.

I wish I knew, I am almost 40 and it still causes me problems when I am stressed and/or tired. Someone I barely know at my new job has already called me on it recently, I was mentally exhausted and overloaded socially at the moment and had some sort of inappropriate expression. I think he said I looked miserable or something. I think this is going to mess up my new job if I don't get a handle on it, but fortunately I can do a lot of my communication by email.

I envy those people with a poker face! What could I get away with, if I had that ability!

Sadly the only time I have a Poker face is playing poker (one of my obsessions).

I used the mirror training but tried to have a studious look despite what was going on internally for my work face. It blunted a lot of the boredom and tempered the irritated look but I still have issues... just better than before.