Bipolar? Just other symptoms of AS? Something else? Help!

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Hi everyone, I'm diagnosed AS, and have been diagnosed with both Major depression and ADHD in the past, but recently I had a major collapse (which I have regularly) but it has been worse than the usual collapses, and I'm wondering if there's something else going on with me.

Basically I seem to go through these depressive cycles, where once a year or once a year and a half I'll have a few months of severe major depression with complete ahedonia (zero interest or pleasure in anything, suicidal thoughts, complete emptiness and feelings of hopelessness), then in between this I'll go through periods of several months of extreme activity and motivation - I'll feel like I can achieve anything I set my mind to if I work hard enough, and I sign up for heaps and heaps of stuff, and do crazy amounts of work (eg. last semester I did full time uni, plus singing 2 nights plus one day a week, plus acting one full day and 2 nights a week, plus living at college and socializing with lots of people, plus working on recording music one night a week, and got the highest possible grade you can get in all three subjects - straight 7's). During these times I'm super motivated and driven and obsessed with achieving the highest possible results from everything. I don't like to waste a single hour - I pretty much schedule study or some form of work into every spare minute of time I have. But then this only lasts about a semester or so at most, and I crash, and generally exhibit major depression, and become completely unable to cope and have to drop subjects, drop all my music and extra curricular, and completely stop socializing. So for the last few years I've pretty much gone from one state straight to the other, each lasting several months and equivalent in length of time. I've thought that my "productive state" is my normal state of being, and it's simply my natural personality to be like this, and when I have a "collapse" it's simply preventing me from doing what I normally want to do. When I am in a depressive/collapse state, I still want to be super productive and doing all these things but I can't.

Like I've said, in the past I've always just thought of myself as experiencing depression from time to time, but my most recent collapse (which I'm experiencing now) has made me more concerned, and made me think through things more carefully. My depression is definitely cyclic, and it happens without external triggering (basically when it happens it happens randomly - there's no sadness or anything in my life which would logically cause me to become depressed, I just sink into this state of deep depression over a few weeks).

But anyway, my most recent collapse has been probably one of the most severe, if not THE most severe I've ever had, and what's different about it is it's been going on for weeks and I don't feel like I'm improving or getting better, I'm NOT depressed, but I am completely unable to function. I've dropped EVERYTHING for the first time (all uni courses, all singing, all socializing - I've literally been doing nothing at all), but the supposed rest and relaxation is not improving me. Basically, I feel like I'm constantly on edge, or super anxious, and I find the feeling hard to describe, but I can't focus on anything properly - it's often so bad I can't even read a book or watch TV, and I feel like I'm going to flip out or explode - like I want to start screaming, I feel so tense and on edge, and this feeling tends to intensify for a few hours, then lessen off for a few hours, then intensify again - but it's been consistent for several weeks. I also have felt at times this complete disconnection from my surroundings, like I'm completely disembodied. And I have also felt a complete lack of motivation to do ANYTHING - which has never happened before; even at my most depressed and down, I've still felt like I WANTED to do things, or to achieve things, even if I felt no joy in doing so.

So anyway, I have decided to try and see a psychiatrist about this (mum was a bit against it at first, saying it was one of my usual collapses and I'll get better the way I usually do with complete bed rest and no stimulation), but I am still curious to know what you guys think. I'd never considered any form of bipolar before, but a phd psyc student suggested I may have it when I was chatting about it all with him a few weeks ago (before I gave up on uni altogether). I am also a psyc student, but undergrad.


Could this be some form of bipolar do you think?

From what you describe you will likely get a bipolar diagnosis. The criteria makes it amazingly easy for people to get one... all you really need are a few times in your life where you were really motivated, fast thinking, over-spending, yadda yadda... and a few times in your life where you were in a low place. At least that is the way it works where I am from.

I am not trying to dismiss your symptoms, and to be honest, I have known several bipolar people and what you describe sounds a lot like them. I hope things work out well for you and that you find yourself in a better place quickly. I wish you well.

Hi Dossa, thankyou for your input. I am probably less concerned about the label, and more so I am hoping that I can get help or more effective coping strategies/treatment that what I have now (I'm not currently on any medication). Getting an incorrect label is a concern in case I get put on medication I shouldn't be on though, I definitely wouldn't want to be misdiagnosed with Bipolar if it meant I was improperly medicated.

And that is the scary part of it. If you can find a psych who is willing to have a session with you for longer than the standard five to fifteen minutes that would be the ideal. So often these guys rush you in and out and decide in those few minutes what you have and toss heavy hitting pills your way and if they are not right then it is certainly not any good. But if bi polar is what it is, the meds can do a world of good and make such a difference. I know my girlfriend got her meds right (she is bipolar) and she truly appreciates how much she needed that now. It has done her much good. The thing about bipolar is that if its what you have meds are necessary to employ the coping techniques. I yammer... Really, call around and see if you can find someone who will have a longer consultation with you. They are much more receptive, more willing to ask more questions and more willing to really listen.

It sounds to me like Bipolar, just as Dossa said. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I NOS at 12 years old, so I understand what you're dealing with. Although I'm unsure if it was the meds or not, but either way.. I'm in agreeance. You should call around, see what options are out there. I'm not a doctor but it does indeed sound like you've got Bipolar. They might also end up slapping "manic-depressive" in there. The gigantic amounts of work and then a huge crash for a while is what my aunt does. She does all kinds of crazy stuff (throws parties, busts her tush at work, cleans her house like it's nothing, arts&crafts, etc.,) and then she just plummets.

I hope everything works out. If you ever get into a mixed state (hyper/down at the same time) then tell someone ASAP and get yourself checked in somewhere where they can monitor you and keep you safe. Got like that once and almost killed myself.

How long have you been having these symptoms?

About 3 years I think, it's hard to pinpoint where it started, sort of gradual, I've been having these strong cycles mainly since I've been at uni.

er... how would you describe a mixed state? Currently I seem to be swinging between extreme anxiety and edginess, really happy, depressed, catatonia (a.k.a. paralysis where I cant move my body), hyper-activeness, thoughts of suicide (although not serious, I'd never seriously commit suicide), so exhausted I seem to half black out, but when I go to bed I can't sleep and get up again after like 15 minutes, then my sleep patterns are a bit disrupted - I find it difficult to get to sleep at night, and my mind's just racing all the time with all the things other people have achieved that I am not achieving, and I feel these really strong feelings of urgency and failure.