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Comkeen
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03 Aug 2006, 1:41 am

I decided to create a profile for okcupid, and I sent some msgs out to some women. One of them (whom I didnt even expect a reply) in fact, did. She said she was intrigued by me and wanted to IM. We talked for a bit, she talked about how she loved dancing (and I guessed correctly that she also hinted she needed a dance partner :oops: ). I offered, and she accepted. We talked a bit more, deciding that we will either meet on Saturday or Sunday (I gave her my phone number and she gave me hers) to go out and possibly discuss arrangements. We talked for about 2 1/2 hours total (I think it went on a little too long because we ran out of things to say) before we logged.

So, what the hell did I just do? In the span of a day, I created a profile, sent out some emails, and got a date?!

A date?!?!?!?!

Good god, I never expected this to actually happen. Im nervous, scared, and excited about meeting her. My brain needs a time-out.



Enigmatic_Oddity
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03 Aug 2006, 3:18 am

Don't get your hopes up. It might be a joke being made at your expense. I'm sure this has already gone through your mind, though. Well, I hope it's genuine for your sake.



Jamie06
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03 Aug 2006, 4:17 am

I wouldn't try to make him think too negative, good luck though hope it goes well.



Enigmatic_Oddity
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03 Aug 2006, 4:46 am

Oh, I don't mean to sound negative. But you have to expect that sort of thing happening, particularly if the only contact you've had with a person is online and only for a brief time. I hope it goes well too.



ooh_choc
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03 Aug 2006, 5:06 am

I doubt it would be a joke.

For the sake of completeness, can you tell us a bit about you? Eg, what's your age and previous experience?

p.s. nice work!



Corcovado
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03 Aug 2006, 5:21 am

Way to go!!

Ha,ha - be carefull what you wish for, it might come through.

Whwn you go on the date, don't expect anything to happen there either, then it might!



ooh_choc
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03 Aug 2006, 5:59 am

Corcovado wrote:
Whwn you go on the date, don't expect anything to happen there either, then it might!
Nevertheless, compile a list of things to talk about.

I did that on my first (and only :( ) date. Although it didnt work out, having the list in the back of my mind did help.



Enigmatic_Oddity
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03 Aug 2006, 6:51 am

Another conversation tip that goes against list-making techniques is to never try to anticipate what the other person is going to say. Instead, take cues from what they say and go from there. I've done the list thing with telephone conversations before. It didn't really help me because I'd get too hung up on trying to move the conversation in the direction I'd anticipated.



SheDevil
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03 Aug 2006, 7:06 am

Conversation tip: Ask questions. Make that list nothing but questions. Not only will you find out more about her, it will take the heat off of you to carry the conversation.

Good luck,
SheDevil



BlueFireBird
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03 Aug 2006, 7:20 am

Make two plans for yourself, One to handle if things turns out to be a joke, and one if things turns out to be seriously (I hope this last thing will happen).
Write down your expectations. What would be the worst thing that can happen if you have plan A (joke) What would be your expectations if plan B occurs (go out on a date)
If you write things down you might become less nervous that you might not know what to do if things really happen.

Good luck!



larsenjw92286
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03 Aug 2006, 7:51 am

That is indeed one!


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Comkeen
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04 Aug 2006, 2:13 am

Thanks for your advice. I talked to her tonight, and things went a lot more smoothly between us (i.e. not as much of those awkward silent moments as before). We have decided to meet tomorrow at a coffee place. She pretty much knows that Im a college student that is short on cash, therefore lacking a car and an apartment (she has said she is ok with it) so the worst, most embarassing thing is out of the way already!

I make no allusions about finding true love. As I stated earlier, I did not even expect her to reply to my message in the first place. If we like each other, we like each other. If we like each other more... we'll see how it goes from there. And if we find that we dont, well then it would have been a nice learning experience for me.

That being said, I find some of your pessimism surprising. Even if I get stood up, I wont go in the corner and sulk. I feel like Im at the crossroads of my life and I have learned almost too many things in the past month for my mind to keep up. I believe that new opportunities are opening up for me.



jman
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04 Aug 2006, 4:27 am

I agree their is definitely too much unwarranted pessism in this thread, despite past experience I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt.



Comkeen
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06 Aug 2006, 11:14 pm

Sorry for the belated update.

We stopped by a coffee shop downtown, and while it was noisy (citysearch said it was supposed to be 'romantic') we still had a good time talking about things for 3 and 1/2 hours. Didnt kiss or anything, and I wasnt too sure what kind of signals a female sends out if she wants to kiss (or what you're supposed to do). Anyways, I left her mail saying I had a good time and would be happy to take her out again if she wants. I kept the invitation open and simple.



Anna
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06 Aug 2006, 11:26 pm

Comkeen wrote:
Sorry for the belated update.

We stopped by a coffee shop downtown, and while it was noisy (citysearch said it was supposed to be 'romantic') we still had a good time talking about things for 3 and 1/2 hours. Didnt kiss or anything, and I wasnt too sure what kind of signals a female sends out if she wants to kiss (or what you're supposed to do). Anyways, I left her mail saying I had a good time and would be happy to take her out again if she wants. I kept the invitation open and simple.


It sounds like you handled it perfectly. Good luck and have fun getting to know her.

On kissing, it might help you to tell her at the beginning of next date that you have a lot of trouble getting social cues, and that hinting doesn't work well with you, so if there are things you do or don't do that would make her happier, ask her to please say so.

She sounds like she's okay with taking some initiative so that might work with her.

Oh - and, if you're walking her home afterwards, or just saying goodbye afterwards and it seems like she's hesitating a lot and waiting and finding things to say to delay the goodbye rather than just saying goodbye and walking off, then it's probably a signal that she's waiting for you to kiss her.