Do you think this was a selfish act?

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This event happened 8 years ago involving a relatives husband in my family.

the husband of my fathers cousin hung himself outside the bathroom door in the family home. his wife found him hung on the door and he left no suicide note or explination of why he commited suicide. he also had 2 children ( a boy and a girl) who were under 10 years old at the time.

the guy that killed himself worked as a police officer but do you think this was a an awful thing he did? According to my mother the man that took his own life was very depressed.

i know this is irrelevant and probably has nothing to do with the event but the widows brothers like me has aspergers.

whats worse is that he decided to kill himself only 1 year after his wifes farther (my great uncle) died of testicular cancer.

according to my parents he was a really nice man

I think it was a very selfish act.

Why?

Well, I can see why it may be viewed as selfish. But I don't see it that way.

Someone who commits suicide is not thinking rationally. You don't know what was going through his head. When you are very depressed, things become distorted. Rational thoughts are difficult to have. Guilt can be a common feeling. Also feeling that you are a burden, or a waste of space. He may have felt he was doing the right thing for his family. Clearly he wasn't, but that doesn't mean that what he did was selfish. He was just in a place where he couldn't see things clearly. Depression is a terrible thing.

Yes, I believe the act was selfish, but that does not mean the deceased was a selfish man ... and here is why I say that:

Since it is truly awful that a family no longer has its very own husband and father, it would be "virtually impossible", so to speak, to say that man had not truly done "an awful thing" ...

... but then do we actually know why he had done that?

He had told noone beforehand, and he had left no note. So then ...



If that man had been faced with something like having to choose between feeding himself and feeding his children during a famine, "exclusive concern for oneself" would certainly make him appear "selfish".

But in the case of his suicide, how could we rightly say he was "concentrating on his own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others" if he might have committed that act because he truly believed he was somehow "worthless" to them anyway?

In my own case many years ago, and while "selfishly" thinking of yet going right on living myself, I had once had an intrusive thought of committing homicide upon my family out of my concern for them over some shame I had brought upon them.

Point: In the midst of great depression and/or other "mental issues", I believe it would be quite incomplete to say the "awful thing" that had just happened was clearly a "selfish act" since that man at least might have died without any thought of himself in his mind at the time.

It was a selfish act. Kids need their dad.

I've been depressed and can relate to just wanting the pain to end. But, my suicide would seriously screw up my kids, wife, parents, a few friends, be disrespectful to God. And, suicide would eliminate whatever good might come out of living. When things get dark choosing life is the unselfish choice.

Not necessarily.

I really couldn't have put it better myself. It's very hard to understand why someone is depressed or suicidal until you experience it yourself.

My father described what the man did as "Disgraceful". but clearly he was a well liked man since there was a lot of police officers at his funeral to honour him.

but come on guys you have to admit only 1 year after his wife's father died of cancer that was a not good thing to do to her since she had already had to go through the pain of losing her 70 year old father to cancer.

Last edited by Jamesy on 27 Apr 2011, 11:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

Of course it wasn't. If he was in his right mind he would have seen that.

Yeah true maybe the man that killed himself was taking some medication that made him think less rationally? Its a mystery why some people do things.

Well obviously I don't really know anything about the circumstances, but it could be a variety of reasons.

I met his kids and they were really nice and pleasent his wife was also really down to earth.......... maybe he did not really love his wife and felt trapped in the marriage? He could have had a mentall illness like bipolar or schziopherinia or maybe his job was not going well? Who knows...................... maybe his wife was not as nice as i thought?

Most people during depression, as said above, don't think rationally. It's sort of like a black mist obscuring all positive thoughts, events or emotions. I've been there myself and when you're in the thick of it, you don't see anything but the negative, and you keep thinking to yourself that you are no good, that you have no future, etc., and this thinking only makes the situation worse and eventually, particularly if the depression goes mostly unnoticed, this will end up with suicidal thoughts and sadly, attempts. Just my experience.

Depression can hit people regardless of circumstances. You can have a wonderful family, lovely partner, great job etc. etc. and still be affected by depression. There are many possible reasons for why he did what he did. Noone can know for sure.

He lived in Kent as well which is like one of the nicest parts of england so i guess depression can hit you even if you live in a nice area as well.