en_una_isla wrote:
I'm just not, never have been, probably never will be. It's just not the "goal" of sex for me. It either happens, or it doesn't, but it doesn't matter to me much either way. It's nice to have it as an option, though.
Part of it, I think, is age-related. Women mature physically at a different rate from men, I think. In my teens and early 20s, I was only occasionally able to orgasm. I would get to a plateau and it felt good but I was just never able to go over. It took a lot of work with my partner to finally figure out what kind of stimulation would semi-reliably get me to orgasm. In my 30s, I was able to orgasm much more easily. I've heard this a lot from women - that they were less orgasmic in their teens and early 20s.
Masturbation helps. Figuring out what the signs are of impending orgasm helps. Finding out what orgasm feels like helps. Kegel exercises help. Fantasizing about whatever I want to helps.
Once I was able to orgasm on my own pretty reliably, it was much easier to guide my partner in what I need to be able to orgasm or to ask what I needed. It makes a huge difference to know what works in order to help my partner bring me to orgasm. It also helps to have a partner who doesn't "expect" or insist on orgasm, but wants me to enjoy the process itself. I've also become less goal-oriented with my partner - enjoying exploring their body and how we feel together rather than just trying to make them orgasm.