The office weirdo - Aspie in the workplace

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I started a new job at a help desk last August. When I first started I was extremely nervous because of the new surroundings. I was really shy and barely talked to anyone, and rarely ever said hello to anyone.

Because I have asperger's, I have an extremely difficult time concentrating. It's very difficult for me to learn new concepts and understand my job better. I always end up going to see my manager for help on how to do almost every question that is assigned to me.

Once I know what I'm doing, I'm very good at doing it and often do it better than other people. But, since I have a very hard time learning, and very poor focus, when I go to see my manager all the time for help it comes off as laziness. I'm definitely not a lazy person. It just my condition that makes it very difficult to concentrate and learn.

There's a girl who started about the same time that I did, and everyone just loves her. She's very independent and rarely asks for help. Everyone thinks the world of her and I wish I could absorb the way she and many others do...I get jealous of everyone else because they're able to learn very quickly. My girlfriend keeps reassuring me that it's only because they're all 'non-aspie' that they're able to do so well...

If my social skills were better, I'm sure I'd be able to approach people more often, and maybe they would want to help me more, which might help with the learning. When people walk by my cubicle, sometimes they glance my way expecting me to say hello or good morning. But I'm so shy that I never was able to muster up the courage to try and be social. I would often just resist the urge to look their way, and would instead keep staring at my computer screen. This has been going on for months, and I guess eventually people realized I'm a weirdo. There is a little group of 3 or 4 people who go downstairs for coffee every morning, but I never get invited. I don't blame them though, because I act so strangely, who would possibly want to invite me.

I think I also stare at people and come on as being intimidating. I notice that when I do ask people how their weekend was, I can see that they are a bit uncomfortable, like I come on way too direct and strong. This makes things even more awkward...

It's twice as painful because I'm acutely aware of how uncomfortable I must make people feel, but I just can't seem to do anything about it.

Part of your difficulty is likely to be the inexactness of NTs--they aren't very good at saying precisely what they want. Or, more frustratingly for Aspies, only part of what they say will be correct--some of their request will be wrong.

I've learned to translate what NTs say into my precise way of Aspie thinking--it really is a foreign language to us that can be difficult to learn. Often, it is best to just ignore the "wrong" part of what they say--if possible--folks don't like to be reminded that they are human and make mistakes. Sometimes it is best to take an educated guess--Oh--this is what they want, and proceed accordingly... Particularly if you are at a help desk in which most of the time stock answers work quite well--pick the one that seems to fit the situation.

I find it's often helpful to whittle a question down to what someone's trying to do, what program(s) and function(s) they're having trouble with etc, just to establish the facts and narrow down what's actually going on. I was once asked 'how to get rid of the thing that comes up with what you did before' (I don't work in IT, but I have a reputation lol). It turned out they wanted to know how to disable the history autocomplete function in Internet Explorer, but it took a while to tease out something more coherent to work with...

As an Aspie working among NTs, you might see if you can get repetitive tasks headed your way. Most NTs find this boring and don't like them, while folks on the spectrum often find them relaxing or calming. You might even get other workers to teach you stuff they don't want to do, so you don't have to continually bother the boss. You may also be the best suited to handle customers who insist on pushing the empathy button--since you may not have one, you may be better able to function than your co-workers.

Maybe your girlfriend can help you learn social skills--like saying to hi to people in the office. You might also want to read the news or sports (depending on your office) so you have something to say. Just do a little bit at a time--and spend some time watching or listening others in the office to see what they do.

not to want to come of as a "moaner", but you should be lucky to have a GF to talk about these things: at least its company who can understand.

its quite possible that people don't think you're "weird". a lot of it will be your interpretation. and even if they think you have eccentric traits (per se), this might not mean they disapprove of you as a person.

it will get better with time. you have to learn not to care in a way.

No real guidance for you OP but I do relate.

Fellow Aspie who's currently working at a help desk job here. One thing that took my years to learn (after lots of confusion and fixing wrong IT problems) was to repeat back to the customer what I though the problem was they were asking to solve. Lot of times it can help clarify the issue with the customer, or get the customer to better explain to you what they need help with. Also with your boss I've found that NT's respond better to requests for help if you put things like "I want to do my job better, How can I help the customer, I want to learn how do this this better, etc" before the question / request for help. To the NT boss or for that matter most other NT's, thoes words mean that "he's not lazy at all, he just wants to do his job better"

I'm also really stressed and shy in social situations -- the social anexity drugs I take help a lot. If you've got health insurance call up your doctor and ask him/her what they'd recommend for social anexity. It's in no way a cure for me -- but man does it take the edge off and lets me interact a little better with people. Granted the stuff I take also has some sh***y side effects but I think its an ok tradeoff.

Is your GF a NT? One huge thing my gf (now wife) did to help me with talking / interacting with people was to squeeze my hand gently when I was starting to talk too long or when I wasn't realizing that the other person wasn't interested in what I was saying. She'd also squeeze my hand when I was supposed to pause in a conversation or to let the other person respond to what I was saying. It helps that she's a dog trainer so she already had a lot of experience with opperant conditioning.

Does your manager know that you have Aspergers? If not you might want to tell him / her -- they might be more understanding and not automatically think that you're just being "odd or wierd" It depends on how you feel / and if you feel like you can trust your boss or that they'd understand.

i had same problems i wouldnt fit anywhere and people would terribly avoid me
i lost many many jobs due to the fact that i was quite, shy and not smiling etc

And at same time if someone else had joined they would cope better
do all the work better, interact better.

I just dont go seeking jobs now because it gives me a terrible time
i prefer sitting at home rather and doing some odd things