How should I tell my dad I want to get checked?

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I figured I should probably talk to someone about this. I don't know if I should be posting this here or in The Haven, so I apologize if this is in the wrong place. I'd appreciate it if you could possibly move it to the correct forum if I'm posting it in the incorrect place?


Anyway, to begin, I'm 21, going on 22, and I believe I have Asperger's. I've taken all the tests, and everything says I likely have it. I've never been able to reliably hold a job. Not because I can't work—because I *can* work—it's just that, mentally, I can't last long. There's too much stimulation. I can't see people as frequently as I do during the work day; it's unrealistic. I start to get stressed, depressed, even more anxious, and just plain old miserable.

I feel like I'm in a little bubble all the time and everyone is looking in on me. I can't look anyone in the eyes, and when I do have to talk to people, it's hard... I don't have any social skills; period. I like to be alone, because I'm more comfortable alone, but I like to have company because I hate the feeling of loneliness. It's a pretty awful circle. I just don't have the skills, ability, will, or the mental stability to build relationships. I fear I will just ruin them; that they will all fail before they even begin.

So that's a short history of me. Now onto why I'm worried about telling my dad. First off, I think he'll think it's just an excuse. He's a good man, don't get me wrong. He and I have a fantastic relationship. We're friends. I don't have a job, and I rarely look because I can't build up the courage. He's a bit irritated with that, I'm sure, and he'll just see this as an excuse to not get a job, I fear. But he doesn't get MAD at me for not having a job. As I said, we're very close and have a great relationship.

He just got a new job, and we just moved for it, so he's getting health insurance. I'm trying to convince him to get a different policy than the one he wants, which he'll need to get if I want to be able to go in and get checked out. I was hoping to do it alone, without telling him, and figuring it out on my own. So if I get diagnosed I can confront him with a doctor's actual diagnosis, and not my "looking crap up on the internet". It seems like he'll go with a different plan, though, so I absolutely have to tell him, and I need to tell him today. I just have no clue how to go about doing it.

I'm of above average intelligence. So is he. I'm really smart, just like he is. I'm just worried that he's going to think... I dunno. That it's a joke, or think lowly of me, or something along those lines. That he won't take it seriously. Think that I'm stupid or something. "You're my son, you're smart, you should be able to get over this on your own. You shouldn't be feeling this way, you're a smart man."

Has anyone else had these same difficulties? I've been dealing with my awful social anxiety my whole life. I'm unbearably shy and it affects how I function on a day to day basis. I NEED to know why; I need to see a doctor.

How do I tell him? Bleh.

Thank you in advance, everyone. I really, really appreciate it.

Sorry for the whiny first post.

Describe your problems to him: stressed, depressed, anxious. Say that you need a mental health evaluation for help with these problems and you are hoping that he will pick the health plan that provides the best mental health coverage. Don't tell him that you are sure the diagnosis will be Aspergers Syndrome. That will just get the "crap from the internet" dismissal. If you phrase it as "I need help" you will scare him into action. If you phrase it as "I think I have Aspergers Syndreom based on a series of internet tests" he will be dismissive.

That's a good point, yeah. I won't say that. I've been thinking that I have Asperger's syndrome for years now, and I just recently took some tests online... the symptoms, the tests, and how they relate to me makes me so sure it is Asperger's, but you're right. I'll be saying it that way.

Thank you very much.

I had a one on one session for an hour with the adult liason officer at autism NZ, she said if I went for a formal DX that I'd probably get diagnosed with HFA.

That was good enough for me.

If you ask about, you may be able to find a free service that would confirm what you need to know, without needing dads involvement

Yeah, maybe. I just can't drive. I couldn't go to driver's ed. because I didn't want to be in a class filled with people, and I couldn't take the drive test because I couldn't be around people like that either.

I can deal with buses, so long as I can put my headphones in, I just hope there'd be something close. I'll look into it. Thanks.