poem! let me know what you think

Post Reply New Topic

I wrote this poem a couple minutes ago... from my poem you may be able to tell that i am depressed... but let me know what you think and how you interpreted it!

Hand in Hand


Never knowing, never feeling, never seeing.
This new thing called "love".
New, everything it seemed, when oureyes first met, I thought it was the word I had heard and never felt, I had longed for and never seen.
Yes, this is love. I know it must be.
An unheard feeling, an unseen truth.
Now together we stand hand in hand.

But now, as we stand, no longer holding on, our lives forever changed, we no longer hold the secret of our love.
So today we are going back to the start, our lives far apart.
My secret love for you now changed to a tear, softly and slowly rolling down my cheek.
Because now we go, seperate ways.
No longer, hand in hand.

I guess you're personifying "love" as an actual partner, maybe refering to an actual relationship you have had?
Poems are a great way of dealing with depression, letting out caged emotions and allowing you to reflect on things

its not bad. the third line could use some work though, its a bit too long compared to the rest. the words are nice, but it just doesnt flow all together. try writing it with more structure

whether every other line rhymes:
i saw a nice hat
it stood very tall
it looks like my cat
ouch! i hit a wall

or each set of lines:
love is great
love is hate
love is kind
love is blind

or in syllables:
somewhere out in the distance
i find myself always sad
it cant be because of you
because you are dead to me

its good, it just needs a bit if structure. try separating the longer lines into more short lines and just have a longer poem

It's nice. And I disagree about line 3. But then again, I like peopms that focus on conveying things rather than rhyming or being structured.