Is it abnormal to have friends a lot younger than you?

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KevinLA
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29 May 2011, 11:22 pm

A lot younger than say four years or older.

I would sometimes make friends with people younger than me, and would never get a long with their friends.

I now realize now that I did not get along with those people because they were too young and might have felt uncomfortable around me.

Is this correct?



Peko
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29 May 2011, 11:48 pm

I think age doesn't really matter. You need to consider the people involved in the relationship, but if the feelings are more than friendship, they need to be kept in check until all parties are legally adults.


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blackcat
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30 May 2011, 1:21 am

My friends tend to be 3-5 years younger or 5-10 years older. My mother told me that it was strange when I was 9 and my best friend was 5. I didn't really care. I had a friend.


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Afr0
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30 May 2011, 2:27 am

I've ended up 'sharing' some friends with my younger brother (for various reasons), they are 4 - 5 years younger than me.
I usually don't hang with them when I'm not with my brother, often times we go to the cinema together during weekends.



SammichEater
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30 May 2011, 2:34 am

The only true friend I have is 4 years older than me. I don't think it's that strange. Now that I think about it, I remember having quite a few friends who were 2-3 years younger than me too.


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GoatOnFire
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30 May 2011, 3:05 am

4 years is less and less of a difference the older you get.

I remember reading in Tony Atwood's book about how it was a common trait for aspies to get along better with people much older or much younger.

Overall abnormal, probably. Abnormal for an aspie, no.


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jmnixon95
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30 May 2011, 9:17 am

When you're an adult, it's not as odd. It seems that the younger you are, the more you're expected to have friends your age (give or take a year or so.) But if you're, say, 30, and you have a friend who's 35, it's definitely not "odd."



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30 May 2011, 12:33 pm

In childhood it is but in adulthood it's not because age doesn't matter anymore. You can be in your 40's and be friends with someone who is in their twenties.



Joe90
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30 May 2011, 12:54 pm

Only one of my friends is the same age as me, and he's Autistic. All of my other friends are older than me, and are NTs (as far as I know). I find I fit in much better with older women than I do young girls.


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USMCnBNSFdude
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30 May 2011, 1:04 pm

In adulthood, no. In childhood, yes. But I heard from someone that that might be common among aspie's. I used to have some friends who were a lot younger than me (when I was 12 I played with a kid who was 8 or 9 for example).



Joe90
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30 May 2011, 1:44 pm

My cousin is NT but when she was 11 she used to play out with boys of about 7 or 8, because they were the only other children who lived in her neighbourhood.

I think it's worse if, say, a 15-year-old plays or hangs out with a younger child of about 8 or something like that. Or if an 8-year-old plays with a 3-year-old. (Family doesn't count).

I think this ''rule'' seems to occur more with teenagers, because all teenagers are at different stages. If, say, an 18-year-old was loitering in a park with a crowd of 14-year-olds, that would look a bit sad on the young adult (again, family doesn't count). Another cousin of mine is 19, but her mum got annoyed with her for hanging out with a 15-year-old and a 16-year-old, because they were still at school and was still at that ''immature girls'' stage, whereas a 19-year-old should be working or at college, or if not, on job-seekers looking for job (you can't help not having a job).


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starryeyedvoyager
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31 May 2011, 9:32 am

I have always been a misfit in my generation. My friends are either at least 4 to 5 years older than me, or much younger. I get along with kids and small children very well, strangely only since I am rather adult myself. When I was a kid, I didn't fit in because I was talking like an adult and had interests that where mainly adult, and today, most folks of my age consider me too much of a child. My older friends, I just have them for a long time, so I guess that issue is not relevant to them since they know me for so long. I'd just say yes, it is out of the ordinary for normal people to truly have friends that are much younger than them. Should it stop you from having them? Heck no!



Aprilviolets
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31 May 2011, 7:16 pm

When I was a child I used to play with kids a lot younger then me I think it was because they excepted me more there were two that had sisters about my age but those sisters hated me and I didn't like being around them so I played with the younger two instead.



yesec9
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02 Sep 2011, 3:58 pm

Yes! I can definitely attest to this! My intellectual interests are more mature but my social skills and emotional strength is definitely less mature.



Keeno
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06 Sep 2011, 6:15 pm

I too find this BIG TIME when making friends. That the best friends I make are significantly older, or significantly younger. They can literally be all ages apart from under about 18 (for obvious reasons) and usually apart from around my own age (for obvious reasons to most Aspies). So basically they're usually any age apart from mine.

Not a problem as an adult, but it's sure seen as a big problem prior to that. If you had a gap in friendship of more than about a year, then it WAS seen as abnormal to say the least on the part of the person who was older, particularly if they were a guy. Especially with the problems I had relating to people my own age, I must confess I did fall foul of this a lot. And there was no question of me still being in touch or socialising with people I went to school with who were my own age - or even those I went to university with, as the problems I had relating to my own age (and the problems people my own age had relating to me) only continued.

So I'm glad I'm not in any sort of academic setting now, school or university, where you are necessarily stuck with your own age, and I'm sure that as long as I live my best friends will be very different ages. I'll be in my 60's and my best friends will be people in their 20's probably, that's just how it is with me, and it won't be seen as inappropriate since at least they're adults.

The age difference in friendships thing must have implications for who Aspies can attract as partners. If say I was 35 and have my closest friends as people who are around 20, and people who are around 55, surely this would suggest that if I had a chance of a partner they would also be someone similarly outside my own peer age group?

It doesn't just stop at age of course. What about ethnicity and national background? That's a similar scenario, where I have become friends with people who originated from other countries or at least have backgrounds from other countries, more than other people have done.



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06 Sep 2011, 8:06 pm

I don't think it is weird, but yeah I have a friend who has a lot of younger friends hes like 40 something and people anywhere from 15 to his age chill with him. Apparently someone has started a rather stupid rumour about him and well because of the nature of the rumour the cops have been asking a few people about him...I wish society did not think it was weird for people to have freinds in different age groups.......no one deserves to be accused of having sexual relations with these friends either.