How do I tell my boyfriend I have HFA/AS?

Post Reply New Topic

I've never told him. I mean he's understanding about a lot of things but I'm still afraid to tell him. He's Japanese and he lives in Japan... I don't know if knows what it is and if he doesn't then, I'll feel really awkward having to talk about it... his english is somewhat limited too. I want him to know because I do trust him but its telling him that I fear... I mean I have developmental delays and I'm afraid of what will happen to me after my parents die... I want him to be there for me. I don't want anyone else.

I'm scared you guys...

Do you live in Japan? If not, have you ever met this guy?

We have webcammed before, does that count? I don't see why it matters. It's my business and I know he's not what you think he is. Most people ALWAYS use the, "how do you know he's not some sex predator" s**t on me.

We talk on facebook because he's been very busy. So webcamming is really rare for us. I love him regardless so what is your point?

I'm worried about the fact you keep talking about your parents dieing.

Long distance relationships are hard but they can work out. If it does do you think you'll go to Japan? That sounds kinda scary. I'm worried about the thought that you can't take care of yourself and in a country whose language you don't know. Is he thinking about going to where you are? I personally feel that's the safer option.

If you feel it's important to the relationship, I'd probably just send him a PM on FB explaining what it is.

No that does not count. I don't think he's a sex predator but I do think you're living in cloud cuckoo land if you think you're in a relationship with someone based on 'webcamming'. If you have met someone in real life and you are in a relationship with someone in real life and then you or they move away I believe then and only then would it be classed as a 'relationship'. You can't reverse this process and meet someone online and then declare yourself as 'in a relationship' without meeting them first. That's so absurd I want to hit you over the head with my keyboard.

Last edited by 5264443377776444844 on 01 Jun 2011, 4:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

You piss me off, you know that? I think you should read this: http://www.examiner.com/autism-in-panam ... heir-lives Before you stop saying stuff like that.

Sorry but your idea of a relationship is an insult to real relationships. No article will convince me otherwise. I will give it a read though..

*melting down in real life* Who... asked... you... You don't know what its like and you don't understand me. You have no right saying that. I've had real life relationships and they were hard for me. Online ones make it better for me to get used to the person until I finally have a chance to meet them in real life and then I know I love the person and the trust is gained. It makes it much easier if I were to meet him in real life.

Don't start saying things unless you know what the person's issues might be. It's rude.

I've actually gotten myself engaged to someone without meeting them in person. Now I might not be the best example since it didn't last the first real life date but hey, I was engaged. I've known people with successfull marriages who met in a long distance relationship. It does happen.

((that said I still have some concerns about this particular instance...))

I think me and him could work it out. His mother understands english, actually.

Thank you btw...

Just be careful with yourself.

I'll state my opinion where I see fit. I don't need permission. I might not understand you or 'what it's like' but what you have described is simply not a real relationship in an objective sense. I have every right to say what I want to say with the information you have given me. I don't think you should be discouraged from communicating with people online with a view to a relationship with that person but saying you have a boyfriend without ever having met said person is just stupid. You might be in love with someone's online identity but that identity is distinctly separate from a real life identity even if a person gives enough information about themselves. I'm not attacking you as a person here I'm attacking what you believe a relationship is and anyone else who suscribes to that belief. Because it's wrong.



Your example highlights the inherent unreality of online 'relationships' for people who believe in them. I know someone myself who sold her house and moved to America from the UK to be with someone and it lasted not much longer than a week. If you read online this happens A LOT. Especially in comparison to the way a traditional relationship is formed.

A relationship doesn't have to be face to face. Two people interacting, sharing thoughts and feelings, IS a relationship whether or not you recognize it as such. There is much variety in the way humans can interact.

iheartmegahitt, how long have you known your boyfriend? Have you told him before about how difficult you find social interaction? If so, it may be just a matter of saying 'oh, I heard of a disorder that describes my difficulties'

If you want to tell him just because you want to tell him, that's fine. If you're worried you need to tell him though, I wouldn't think so; AS doesn't come across as strongly online and the Japanese culture (I've heard) is quite AS-ish anyway, so chances are your boyfriend hasn't noticed anything amiss.

5264443377776444844, don't they have the PPR for this sort of thing? Why troll this person's thread when she's asked a completely different question?

I don't recognize it because it's a ridiculous notion. I have a feeling only autistic people believe in relationships of the sort Iheartmegahitt is describing..

@ Lene. I've never been in PPR but I'll check it out. I'm not trolling her thread from my point of view - I'm simply trying to inject her with reality.

You come across as arrogant, judgmental and hurtful whether or not you recognize it. There have been stories throughout history of long-distance romance communicated by letters for example long before the internet was invented, and who are you to say the love of those people wasn't real even if they hadn't yet met in person. Even if they never met in person, who are you to say genuine love can't exist in such cases? Sure, people can be hurt sometimes, but that happens face to face too quite often.