What are Parties?

Post Reply New Topic

On the superficial and obvious level, I of course know what parties are. However, what is the deeper point of parties? What is their aim? Also, do NTs really like parties, or is it just a ever-renewing loop of peer pressure?

Yes, NT's in general genuinely love them, without the pressure. Heck, I know a lot of Aspies who love parties, too. They have many aims, not just one, including meeting new people and expanding your circle of friends, or meeting a romantic partner (and it's the chance to expand your opportunity to do that too). And they break the day to day circle of sameness and monotony in one's life, giving people something to look forward to, an exhilarating time. A chance to meet old and new friends in a fun atmosphere which is good for your self esteem and health (other than temporary hangovers the next day).

At least that's my best mind reading of what motivates NT's about parties. I myself it difficult to sustain being at a party for hours.

I like small parties once in a while-usually I go to parties to be the designated driver or do the barbequeing and I sit in the corner and just sit alone.

Like a local dance or church they provide an opportunity to connect with potential lovers husbands and wives.

Some animals have the watering hole as a party zone, even though the hunted are vulnerable there.

I once came across 20 wild pigs on a surf beach having a party.

In Fiji no business begins until you sit down and drink kava kava with your hosts

I don't have AS, so I feel fairly safe answering this one. I do have TS and OCD, though, so this isn't strictly an NT viewpoint.

Parties in college left me cold. I always had something else I wanted to do more than be at the party. I never knew anyone, I was scared all the time, and I clammed up and curled up into a ball. I hated them.

But I enjoy going to parties that are associated with people I work with. A friend at work I and I discussed this because we have similar temperaments. This is what we figured out: We're both quite shy and quite gregarious at the same time: When I meet people for the first time, I clam up. I can't share anything about myself, and really can't talk about anything at all. It takes about three to five years before I can be comfortable around someone. At that point I'm ok. Most of the people I work with are aware of my TS and OCD, so I don't feel self-conscious when we get together either at work or at a party. I do feel self-conscious around people I don't know. When I know and trust everyone I'm interacting with, those parties are actually fun. If it's a party with a bunch of people I don't know, I curl back up into that ball and wish I was somewhere else.

So that's a qualified yes. I like parties, but only if I know everyone who's going to be there quite well. What's the point of a party? Because if I know everyone, I really can enjoy myself. And if I won't enjoy it? I don't go. No point in it.

Parties for the sake of parties leave me totally cold - but parties where there will be a lot of the people I see and work with I will sometimes go to without putting up too much of a fight - tho I don't stay long as it exhausts me quickly and most of the time I'm also left not feeling very good as especially in hindsight I always find any and all of my "interactions" to be unsatisfactory if not outright embarrassing.

Overall I've always been baffled by people seeming to DESIRE to do the party thing - and that's always been one of the biggest things that's made me feel like I'm wierd in some way. At times it's been a big problem for my wife who's a very bright bubbly "original party animal" type person - even tho she knew very well from the outset what I was going to be like to live with. I actually laid bare all my "oddness" in an attempt to drive her away when she first started pursuing me - and that was many years ago before either of us knew anything of AS. It's been heartbreaking on occasion and I have and do try but can never participate in social functions the way I know she really wants me to be able to.

Discovering AS has been a big help to her. Altho I'm not willing to claim definitely I have it until / unless I get "diagnosed" - after reading up on it all she's absolutely certain I'm AS - and the info and explanations have helped her a huge amount to realise why I'm the way I am - and armed with that definitive knowledge we're dealing with lots of things much better. With both of us thus aware we're now much more "on the same page" and working much more effectively to live with it all.

The Greenturtle74 cartoon with the little charge bars was a revelation to me - I never realised normal people actually get energised like that - it was a revelation to me when my wife confirmed that cartoon was acurate and a revelation to her that I genuinely don't relate to how that can be the case. I've been shown that it's the case and it's been confirmed to be the case but I simply do not understand it - people are just wierdos!!

The only kind of party I'd ever want to go to would be a LAN party. But even then, why bother setting up a LAN when the interwebs is just as good.

There are many types of parties. Drinking parties, costume parties, retro parties, tea parties and Birthday parties. I prefer the tea parties and retro parties the best. I don't really care for the other parties, because they involve drinking, drugs and sex. NTs seem to love parties and I really don't understand that.

Love parties. Used to go all the time (when I had friends).
The point?
Go out (so you're not at home = bonus)
Dress up (new clothes, shopping = bonus)
Hang with friends (with no teacher to 'shush' you = bonus)
Get loud and crazy and laugh your ass off. (I've been known to climb a tree or two..)
Music! Dancing to your favorite jams. (Add boys = Bonus)
and of course, booze. Party ain't a party unless someone ends up pukin' in the bushes.

'woo hoo!'

And then I grew up. Now they just cost money and give me headaches.

Getting old sucks.

A celebration of something. They are good if you know pretty much everyone there. Horrible if most of the people are idiots or foreign to you.

Well, just imagine not being an Aspie, and being socially adept.......what better than a big, throbbing party to get all those lovely people under one roof where you can go through them one by one, enhancing your bonds with them, winning new friends and admirers, maintaining old ones, sharing interests and experiences and generally showing off how sexy and gorgeous you are? Noisy background music? No problem, that just gives you the excuse to move closer to the people so you can hear them better, and at the same time you're increasing the degree of intimacy. Imagine not being clumsy and knowing how to dance just like they do.....they'll love you for it. And you can feel all superior and sorry for the poor little Aspies who can't take the strain of it all, who have to take up friends one by one in absolute silence, if they can do it at all.

Back to (our) reality.......no, parties like that are just decadent crap, I don't know how they stand it...they do it to annoy decent folks like us, and because they are of weak and undesirable character, wallowing about in an alcoholic stupor, cheating on their partners, wasting resources, and anyway none of them really like each other, it's all just showing off and social gloss, absolutely worthless. They'll be sorry one day when their superficial "friends" are all gone, and all they have is broken health and a trashed house to clean up.

I believe the truth lies somewhere in the middle.