trying to understand (am NT)

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I came to WP to try to understand my sister more so that we can get along better, but after reading some posts, I'm just more confused. It made me more unsure that she even has AS. I woke up this morning to her coming into my room and starting a fight with me. But from what I've read on WP, don't aspies avoid confrontation? This is her usual behavior. She is very volatile and uses every opportunity to be mean to me or do things that she knows will make me angry. She also yells a lot and is loud in general. She is not officially diagnosed, but her school and therapist both say she has AS. They based this off of her reaction to touch (she cannot stand someone touching her head or feet, and she can only wear certain fabrics), her indifference to personal hygiene, and her difficulty writing. What I've read on here (I hope no one feels this as an invasion of privacy, that's not intended) is easy for me to understand, and honestly, you seem like the kind of people I like and get along with. My sister, though, I don't feel that way about. I try to be a good sister to her and look out for her, but it seems like I'm being stabbed in the back while I try to protect her.

Does she have restricted interests?
Can she read bodily language?
Does she have repetitive behaviors?
Does she have routines she needs to fallow?

If not she could have an autism LIKE disorder called
Sensory processing disorder

Almost everyone with autism has sensory processing disorder but not everyone with sensory processing disorder has autism.

She might also have AS co-morbid with something else, but the only way you're gonna know that for sure is to take her in to see a trained professional, preferably one who knows something about autism. I hope you're able to figure it out.

Also, if she does turn out to have AS, then you gotta remember that everyone is different. If you've met one person with autism, then you've met one person with autism.

I have to agree

Hmm. Maybe your sister behaves differently with you because you're part of her family. You can avoid people out in the world, but you can't really get away from your family. I know that my family knows my personality, with all its strengths and weaknesses, better than anyone else, so I don't try to hide it when I'm at home with them. (It's not like I could anyway!)

Maybe some of her stress in other areas comes out in how she behaves around you. Or it could just be a case of sisters not always getting along; I don't know. Just a thought.

Guys havemeltdowns why would gurls be any different.
When i was a teen i would blow up on people.
Probably more to do with a tendenxy to obsess on things. So what might not have been a big deal becomes one after you have been working it over for a few hours.

You're right, it's not typical of Aspies to seek confrontations deliberately just to be mean and start fights.

She could be both Aspie plus have different other problems, or she could not have AS at all but something else. I think it is too early to tell since she would need a comprehensive diagnosis from a specialist.

Meanwhile, you could change the way you respond to her. If she's starting fights because she likes all the yelling, you could try talking very quietly instead. If she's barging into your room without permission, and she's not allowed to, maybe you could put a simple latch on your door. You can sort of secretly train people to behave better by being extra-nice to them when they're being good, and not reacting to them when they're trying to get your attention in a negative way.

I think it might easily be the case. Also, I would consider a co-morbid condition, most likely narcissistic disorder, or rather a very mild example of it. It's very hard for autistic people to bear the cruelties of life they usually experience, and some of us might redirect this negative energy to others involuntarily.

I would sit down with her and talk through the whole matter in order to understand each other better. It's very important that if you do so, you have to emphasize repeatedly that you respect her for what she is, can do, or achieved (implying she is a likable person), and how much you care for her. If she sees you are honestly trying to help each of you (probably she wouldn't accept that you try to treat her as an immature person, so a common purpose is more acceptable), she might open her mind to you.

It's only my opinion.

idk could be something else it is hard to diagnose people on the internet. and another thing autistic people tend to be nicer on the Internet because they don't have to look you in the face or anything. In real life most of us would be either shy or weird or anoying.

Doesn't sound like AS alone.

Sounds like me when I was still stuck in school. I don't have any siblings, though. I was loud and volatile. I changed once I left school and got away from my mother. My mother and I shared a certain dynamic and yelling was part of it. Because I was scared of certain people, unable to confront them, I overcompensated with others, confronting them too much. When I was in school, I was surrounded by rude people constantly making me the object of ridicule, so I absorbed their mode of being and couldn't understand it didn't apply to all situations. I was a smart ass on a continual basis because of this, used foul language, said stuff without thinking.
Once I left school, I figured out what I was doing wrong and stopped it. I had to train myself to think about what I said, though. It didn't come naturally and I just wanted to blurt stuff out. Now, I am much better at controlling my mouth and staying quiet, not using derogatory language.
Your sister might be speaking on impulse, not realizing how it harms you and her, both. I was my own worst enemy when I was this way. Hopefully, your sister will figure it out on her own and realize she is only making things tougher for her if she continues to antagonize others by not taking the time to consider the impact of her words and deeds on them.
In a nutshell, it sounds like what I was like and I have AS.

Someone has already made the most relevant point, that all people with AS are different. When I was younger I used to fight with my brother a lot. I used to do things like your sister did too like going in his room without permission. Only thing is though that I have LOADS of co-morbids, so it's hard to tell whether it's my AS that makes me volatile or something else.

i don't remember much from my childhood, but I do know that I made it my specified intention to annoy people, since annoyance was the only consistent'n'reliable reaction I could get from people. Family probably suffered this much worse than anyone else. Negative actions have a much more predictable effect than positive actions.

I used to do this with my younger brothers, I'm not sure why.

Those are pretty odd reasons to think someone has AS, none of them are even central sympthoms.

hating being touched is called Sensory Dysfuntion disoder, most autistics have it but it isn't a central sympthom, not caring about hygiene isn't particularly autistic either since theres a bunch of people here - including myself - who are overly clean and wash often.
Difficulty writing is called "dysgraphia" it's actually a specific learning problem.

What the school have done is seen a bunch of comorbids that are often with AS and assumed AS when they shouldn't

Seeking out confrontation isn't a sympthom of AS, she may have borderline personality disorder, bipolar, opposition defiant disorder or something else.

I agree with ASdogGeek. Not being able to stand physical contact is also what my parents talked about sometimes in the past, as being autistic behaviour. But it can be Sensory processing disorder. Although I don't know if being mean can not be part of AS, the criteria do not specify that.