How to help 4yr old accept his 1 friend moving away
Our little guy is 4 and is in kindergarten. At first he hated going and really wouldn't engage the other children and spent all his time alone (like most our kids I'm sure). Well he met a very special little boy named E. Our son is obsessed with the color red so anything related to firefighting is a huge hit. So E knows this and every morning he would arrive to school early and get the fire hat and set it aside to ensure our son could have it when we arrived. He was just so sweet and caring with our son and they became good friends and our son really came out of his shell. Well sadly 6 weeks into school E's family moved to a different country. My son was devastated and even immediately tried to play with another boy in his class with the same name. Because E was nice the other E will be also mommy...... Not the case the other E is not a very nice boy. So, what a difficult lesson for our guy. It has been 3 months since E moved and our son just is going back into his little shell and hates school again etc. He even thought he saw E the other day and had a full blown meltdown when he realized it wasn't. He talks about him constantly still, and plans to do things with him etc.... I just feel for him and I try so hard to get him in a relationship with other kids but it just doesnt work. I ask his teachers surely there is someone in class he interacts with hoping to schedule a play date.... No one. I dont know what else to do about it I have tried talking with him, reading him stories about people moving away, we just moved here so I relate it to what we have done..... Any advice/ insight would be appreciated
When does he turn 5? ....Is school just starting where you are?, because it is finishing up where we are so I was just confused as to why he is in Kindergarten at age 4.
Anyway, my son went through the same thing around age five. There was a little boy in our neighborhood who would play with my son and after he moved away my son was constantly talking about him. Would start crying out of the blue (months later) that he had left. Unfortunately, unless you can find another parent who would be helpful in getting their child to play with your son, there is not a lot you can do. My Autie is 6 and she does not attach to other kids but she does some adults...still has had many therapist, ect come and go with not much problem. Im sure what your son is missing is the fact that this little boy wanted to play with him and was good to him. This is really important to an Aspie like my son who is now 8. Its hard because you cant force another kid to be understanding and nice and some kids just dont want to play with yours. It makes you feel really bad but you just have to be there for them. Support them, try to play with them. We play a lot of games, every night actually, with my son and my daughter. We are sort of like playmates because at school he has difficulty with the other kids. He will have a "friend" for a few days and then they will do something or he will and then he is on his own again.
If he is not understanding that his friend cant come back it may help to write him a social story and it may even help him to hold onto this good memory of his friend if he has this story that you can read to him when he gets sad. You can include all the good things that his friend did for him and maybe end it with saying there are a lot of good friends and soon another one will come along.
He has just turned 4 and we are in year round school where I live. The school year goes from beginning of Feb to the middle of December. Kindy here is equivalent to preschool elsewhere.
Thank you for the advice. I will make up a social story about E great idea.
Can you ask his kinder teachers to set up some sort of fire engine play theme, this may get other kids motivated into playing something your son can engage in.
They could do other things to like red paintings, red play dough etc etc.
Get the staff to help you this is their job to.
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Mum of 2 fantastic boys. oldest 21 yrs= newly dx'ed ASD
youngest 12yrs =dx'ed ASD, ADHD,OCD,GAD and tourettes.
My son was 4 in kindie as well. He has a late birthday.
I love the idea of a social story, but I also feel he may benefit from a Social Buddy. My son had several of these in kindie...they just helped him out and made sure he was socializing and following the class. I think having a Social Buddy really helped him.
Now, where we live you need to get approval from the parent of the other child; but all the parents approved and actually liked the idea as well. So, you do have to reveal to other parents that your son has Special Needs.
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The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
i found the kids in my SS's class have been nicer and more understanding of him since they had someone explain in class that he has a different way of thinking, that is why he seems different than some of the other kids, just like so and so has red hair or another boy has freckles. the kids that age are usually pretty openminded and willing to be helpful once they understand that there is a reason they are as they are and know what they can do in order to help out. we also start school here at 3 or 4, depending on when the birthday is.
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