How often do you get lonely?

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I was just wondering what kind of loneliness people here feel.

Explanation of the choices:

"All the time, regardless of how many friends I have." - For people who "feel lonely in a crowd" or whose loneliness doesn't seem to fluctuate with the number or quality of friends acquired. This is roughly a daily concern.

"All the time, despite having a group of friends." - For those who feel lonely even when they have a steady social life/For those who aren't satisfied with the SCOPE of their social life as opposed to the mere existence of one. This is roughly a daily concern.

"All the time, because I have acquaintances but no friends." - For people who feel lonely because they aren't "connected" to those who they socialize with, despite engaging in a social life. This is roughly a daily concern.

"All the time, because I have no social life and I want one." - For those who feel lonely because they do not regularly engage in social activity and want to. This is roughly a daily concern.

“All the time, because I have no social life and should have one.” – For those who feel lonely because they do not regularly engage in social activity and recognize that this is a symptom of something wrong or abnormal with them. This is roughly a daily concern.

"Sometimes, regardless of how many friends I have." - For those who occasionally feel their social life is lacking in something, but this loneliness is not necessarily indicative of a lack of social life. This occurs at a moderate frequency, perhaps once a week to once every other week.

"Sometimes, despite having a group of friends." - For those who occasionally feel dissatisfied with their social life, but overall feel positively about it. This occurs at a moderate frequency, perhaps once a week to once every other week.

"Sometimes, because I have acquaintances but no friends." - For those who occasionally aren't satisfied in living a life without any strong "connection" to another. This occurs at a moderate frequency, perhaps once a week to once every other week.

"Sometimes, because I have no social life and want one." For those who occasionally feel the need for the company of others, but not regularly. This occurs at a moderate frequency, perhaps once a week to once every other week.

“Sometimes, because I have no social life and should have one.” For those who are only occasionally concerned with their lack of social life because it is indicative of something wrong or abnormal with them. This occurs at a moderate frequency, perhaps once a week to once every other week.

"Very rarely, regardless of how many friends I have." For those who are very rarely troubled by loneliness, even when they have a very limited social life. May experience loneliness once a month or less.

"Very rarely, because I have a group of friends." - For those who are overall satisfied with their social lives and have been for a period of time. May experience loneliness once a month or less.

"Very rarely, though I have acquaintances but no friends." - For those who are rarely troubled by loneliness, despite not having a strong "connection" to those around them. May experience loneliness once a month or less.

"Very rarely, though I have no social life." - For those who are rarely troubled by loneliness, even though they have had a very limited social life for a period of time. May experience loneliness once a month or less.

“Very rarely, though I have no social life and should have one.” – For those who are rarely troubled with their limited social life, but do recognize their lack of a social life as something wrong or abnormal in their life. May experience loneliness once a month or less.

"Never, regardless of how many friends I have." - For those who do not feel lonely, even when they have a very limited social life. May have felt loneliness, but it was a relatively isolated incident. Perhaps once a year or less.

"Never, I have always had a group of friends." - Fairly self-explanatory. May have felt loneliness, but it was a relatively isolated incident. Perhaps once a year or less.

"Never, though I have acquaintances but no friends." - For those who do not feel lonely, even though they are not strongly "connected" to those around them. May have felt loneliness, but it was a relatively isolated incident. Perhaps once a year or less.

"Never, though I have no social life." - For those who do not feel lonely, even with a very limited social life. May have felt loneliness, but it was a relatively isolated incident. Perhaps once a year or less.

“Never, though I have no social life and should have one.” For those who do not feel a need for a social life but still see their lack of social life as something wrong or abnormal in their life. May have felt loneliness, but it was a relatively isolated incident. Perhaps once a year or less.

NOTE: Wanting a romantic relationship is not the same as wanting a social life for the purpose of this poll! I had poll choices for romance too, but couldn't post them because I hit the poll limit. : (

I know a lot of people, am friendly with a few people, yet I still feel very isolated. Lonely, I'm not sure...but I look around and everyone seems alien to me, even here on WP. There is nobody I've found remotely like myself yet. I feel like this every 2-3 days.

As for your poll, I'm not too sure what to put, I hope I explained myself well enough above that you get a general idea.

I love that you provide so many options!

I couldn't decide which one to choose, though.

In the past, I have had friends and still been lonely, because I couldn't connect with them as much as they or I wanted ("connect"=understand, communicate effectively).....it's hard for me to even figure out whether or not I've become someone's friend as opposed to someone's acquaintance.

I have a few friends now, but I barely ever talk to them because we live so far away from each other and they aren't so much into email, it seems (phone conversations happen every so often)....I know we're friends because, in between periods of prolonged lack of contact, they have clearly expressed that I will always be a friend to them--a person they really value talking to and being with when possible, and a person they can count on. (and of course I'd say the same things about them.)

I can't gauge the frequency or intensity of my loneliness, on the whole. Sometimes I'm lonely, but that just means I know that sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not--I have no idea how often, or for how long, I feel lonely....I don't pay attention to those things.

In recent months, I have felt existential-loneliness (as in "I have so much trouble talking to people and understanding social interactions that I'm starting to feel like I inhabit an invisible bubble that separates me from other people", and isolated-loneliness (as in, "I have no friends I can actually spend time with").

as i struggle more and more with how to be a social success and all that comes with it, if i were ever to have anyone close to me and/or someone to actually see my life as it is, they would be surprised to understand the lack of social connection i have and how most of the time, it really doesnt affect me when im in my interests, in my own little world, whatever you call it. but when i do step back and look, i see the loneliness myself and want to change it. but dont know how. while i want to be positive and appreciative of my strength and ability to be my best company, its hard to ignore the negatives of it.

It really depends what else is going on in my life.

If I'm connected with my own artistic nature, my significant other and I are getting along, I am actually going out with friends occasionally... If all those things are going right, I can spend days and days on end alone and not feel lonely.

But if something starts to spiral out of control. I get sick. My routine gets knocked out of whack. I have a fight with my SO. Something scary happens at work (someone gets laid off). If I get rejected in my writing etc. Then suddenly I feel terribly alone and like I'll never be okay again.

I get lonely quite often. It has gotten worse since my mother's car stopped running in December of 2009 and that my uncle had to sell his truck to pay for medical bills earlier in the month. I really want to have a social life and hang out with my friends, but the lack of transportation is the main thing preventing from doing so. The bus system has been cut back big time due to the economy, which makes it hard to use the bus to go to a friends house.

I very rarely get lonely, and my loneliness seems unaffected by my time spent interacting with others. I've probably spent 50-60% of my life without any friends at all, and in that time I was never any more lonely than when I did have a friend or two. I think that's because of several reasons.

Firstly, the only time I ever really feel lonely is when I see a true friendship. I've always sort of wished I had a brother or something, maybe even a clone of myself. Someone I could be really close to, beyond any sort of friendship I've ever had. Whenever I see a group of close friends, either on TV or in real life, it sometimes makes me feel lonely, because I know that I don't have that.

But, I also realize that an absolutely perfect relationship is impossible to achieve. Even the best of friends end up getting annoyed with each other given the right amount of time. The only sort of perfect friendship I could ever have is with myself, and I already have that.

Not to mention that while I do desire a close friend, it's definitely not at the top of my wish list. I would equally enjoy something like learning to fly a plane.

Also, my need to socialize is really low. Even when I don't have any friends, all I need to do is turn on the radio or watch TV or something like that. Just hearing people talk for a few minutes is enough to comfort me for a few days. Spending time on WP and other forums is plenty of socialization for me. I don't think I could tolerate any more.

And, lastly, my interests are very good distractions to socialization. But sometimes, I wish I had someone to share my interests with, and there we are back at the beginning again.

Never. When I expirence what most people would call "lonely", I can always hug and cuddle my cat or bearded dragon. Bubba and Pippin are my best friends and the only ones I really need.

Rarely.

I have friends and aquaintances but prefer to be alone most of the time. I work part time in the school year, volunteer a couple of afternoons a week, deal with shopping, etc. So I am around people.

Oh, and why is it that the explanation of the choices in the poll doesn't come till after we vote? Not only in this poll but in most of them.

I'm alone a lot of the time, but I rarely feel lonesome. I enjoy my own company, as well as the company of others.

I voted: "All the time, despite having a group of friends."

Although I have friends, most of them arent really in groups per se (I'm more friends with individuals rather than being a member of a social group that is all friends with each other). Since some of them have moved away to different locations, I end up missing them quite a lot. I also get lonely quite a lot because I live in a rural area and many of them live in the city...it's not like I can just walk down the street to their house. I often have to plan trips where I can see a bunch of them at once.

Aw, I thought you could see them before you posted. : ( Wouldn't have gone through the effort of explaining them if nobody could see it.

@Everyone: Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, despite being OP. I am currently out of state.

Anyway, I started this poll because it really surprised me to see people here who seemed extremely concerned about their lack of social life. Don't get me wrong, I expected Aspies to experience loneliness from time to time, but looking at this board I was just amazed at the frequency some seem to experience.

One of the key things that made me consider that I might have AS is that I have very rarely experienced loneliness. This was especially noticeable to me throughout high school. I have typically had a decent social life (which I define as having at least one good friend/connection), but I've never missed my family or gotten homesick on trips (excluding a natural preference for being at home due to not liking strange environments). I just really haven't ever felt lonely but on very rare occasions.

When I hit college, there was a period of about a year and a half in which I didn't have any friends except for a girl I talked to in my English class for two semesters every so often. I basically got up, went to school, and went home. Without the structure of public school where you could make lunch buddies or talk to people between class, I simply didn't know how to make friends. And this didn't bother me for a very long time.

But eventually I did start to feel lonely, but not typically lonely. I didn't spend every day in a state of depression because I didn't have a best buddy anymore. I didn't feel a longing in my heart for companionship. What I felt was disappointed in myself, both because being completely alone like I was was in my eyes and the eyes of my mother a sign of failure. My mother was so concerned with my lack of friends that I started pretending to have friends just to make her stop worrying.

For me, it was a sign of my own abnormality. It was a sign that I was failing in a basic area of life that everyone else seemed to accomplish easily. I didn't desire friendship because I was lonely so much as because I recognized how unnatural it was for a human being to have as small a social life as I did.

But I don't mean to be misleading. I do occasionally feel lonely, it's just very rare. I think my experience parallels a lot with what SammichEater wrote. The kinds of relationships I want are very idealized, and I recognize that. I also tend to "substitute" socialization the same way SammichEater mentions. Hearing people on TV or reading a book is often enough socialization for me as well.

Right now I'm on summer vacation from school, and I really have no desire to go out of my way to see the friends I currently have. It won't bother me a bit to not see them again for the roughly 3 months it'll be when school starts back. It's enough for me to know that I will have a social life when school does start back. I really don't need anything more than that.

It's the same way with me with romantic relationships. (I had relationship options on the poll, but then the poll told me I had too many options. : ( ) I really don't want a relationship. I wouldn't turn one down if the opportunity arose just so that I could see what being in a relationship is like, but I don't feel any real need for one. But at the same time, I feel disappointed in myself for being 20 years old and never having gone on a proper date when all my peers are in "serious" relationships. The closest thing I have to a best friend right now is moving in with her boyfriend this fall. Among my other friends, one lives with her boyfriend and the other is not only married but pregnant. The one who's married is a little older than me, but the other two are my same exact age. I feel so far behind my peers. It makes me feel abnormal. Less so now that I know about AS, but still as if I am failing to meet major milestones in my life. But I don't really feel lonely about not having a SO the way you see "typical" women on TV feeling lonely. (I hate those typical women. They're like aliens. Except I live with two!)

Anyway, that's just why I started this poll. Seeing people here talk about how they're sad now that it's summer and they can't see their friends or really wanting a relationship just confuses me. I just don't feel that. And I thought that was because I might have AS, but seeing people here feel lonely makes me question how much of my behavior AS could explain.

I spend a reasonable amount of time around people.... but it's somewhat "atmospheric" - interaction doesn't really happen readily

That's about right.
I have work-related acquaintances and some other random people I know through family. But nothing even close to a friend. And I have very little desire to acquire friends or spend any more time than I currently do around other people.
I consider this stance to be anti-social and aberrant, considering the inherently social function of most of human society. But I feel that there isn't a great deal I can do to change my place within it (my personality will never change that much), so I accept things as they are.

I didn't see the explainations till after I chose and voted. When did everyone else see them?

I get homesick when I visit other people out of city or state. I live alone. But I don't get lonely in everyday situations, only if I am out of the city or state where I live.

My cat and bearded dragon are the only company I need. I never get loney for human companionship.