When did you first realize you were an Aspie?

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Interested in anecdotal experiences. Did someone close to you approach you about Asperger's? Did you happen to read about it and have an "aha" moment?

I found out on what may well be the worst day of my life so far, I would rather not go into further details in public.

I was reading all I could find about AS in an effort to try to better understand a neighbor whom I strongly suspected of being autistic. After finding that what I was reading fit him quite well, I began to realize that the description fit me perfectly too. That happened a year ago this Monday, June 27 around midnight. Two months later on Aug 26 it was confirmed.

About a year ago, when I was 24.

It wasn't one big "aha" moment.....but lots of "aha" moments. I'm not officially diagnosed.....but I'm without doubt that I'm an aspie. It's like someone wrote a book about my life....things that I've never shared with anyone were perfectly described in text(Not even my father/mother/brother/sister....I'm not real close to any family)....it's kinda weird when you go through life thinking you're different & alone & then BAM all your secrets exposed in writing. Things that *I* didn't even realize I was doing as well.....subconscious things. Man, it was really an eye opener. Especially now that I know I'm not alone & some sort of freak of nature.

I had read somewhere that people thought Bill Gates might have Aspergers, myself being particularly interested in the man I wanted to know more, and....I didn't know what it was....so, being me, I decided to do some research & see what it was all about....I noticed that it fit me pretty well, & I jokingly thought to myself that I might have Aspergers. The more I read....the less of a joke it became.....

Then I stumbled across one of the online tests and took it. I don't know exactly how to word this.....but it was as if someone had written the test, and those questions specifically for me. Once again things that I've never shared with anyone & things only I knew about(Or so I thought) It was kind of.....I don't know words for it. Happy & frightening at the same time? For example, stimming.....I never even knew about the concept of stimming.....I never even knew what I was doing was called stimming.....I didn't know that stimming existed. I just knew that what I was doing felt good & calmed me. All my life I've stimmed by folding the corner of a pillow case up, and rubbing it against my fingertips & palm. I use my shirt, sheets, any fabric that can be folded into a sharp point. I've used the tips of my various knives(Very light pressure....not cutting involved)....anything pointy. One of my earliest memories as a child was laying in the floor rubbing the corner of my pillowcase on my fingertips....it felt sooo good. If I chew gum & stim at the same time.....it feels on par with sex. I can do it for hours until my fingers go numb. My hands, feet, & mouth are really sensitive.


Another example, sensory overload....more specifically touch....certain textures of fabric & plastic among other things will overstimulate me....for example, those little "holographic card" things that you rotate back and fourth to emulate motion or 3D images....that have tons of vertical or horizontal grooves in them.....touching that sends shocks through my body. I just can't touch them.....gives me shivers even thinking about it. I never knew that was sensory overload....I just knew that it felt bad & I didn't want to touch them anymore.


Apparently I'm one who mimics others. (Another thing which I had never realized that I did....I just did it, it came naturally.) so I'm pretty good at blending in with "NT"s. I don't think I'm going to tell anyone about Aspergers.....because I don't think they would believe me.... Maybe my girlfriend.....she accepts my quirks & knows me better than anyone else. Maybe my father, because I suspect he has Aspergers too......although I wont tell him that. I'll let him find out on his own, like I did. I know he'll go and research it, because he's a lot like me.


From what I can tell, I'm pretty high-functioning. I mean, I have a job, a girlfriend(For 8 years now), a few select friends & I'm pretty happy. I always just chocked it up to being "weird and shy". I never realized that there were so many things I was missing out on......but to be honest, I don't really care....I'm content with where I am now. Sure, I've had my hardships & difficulties.....but "life ain't easy" for anyone, NT or aspie.


*EDIT* I'll add another example. Eye contact......those 24 years I had spent with making little-to-zero eye contact with people. Only my close, close friends & family. I had never realized.....I really can't put it into words. I read a wikipedia article about eye contact after learning about Aspergers & it was like opening up a whole new world that I never knew was there. I'm still learning that one....but it explains a lot about why I was picked on in school & why people think I'm "shady" sometimes. Even though it doesn't come natural, I'm getting pretty good at faking it(I use about a "3 second rule"). The only problem is that it makes me extremely uncomfortable to look people in the eyes. When in groups, tho, I just don't know where I'm supposed to be looking.

Last edited by Arak-Nafein on 24 Jun 2011, 1:01 pm, edited 6 times in total.

That closely resembles my own experience, although I had no idea my friend had AS until I just happened to take a book off the shelf and started reading. The more I researched AS, the more I found strong aspects of myself. When I finally approached my friend about the possibility that he might have Asperger's, he basically called me out, too. That's why I posted the other topic on whether Aspies have a tendency to "find" each other.

I appreciate everyone's willingness to share and at the same time completely respect everyone's right not to share.

It was during the meeting with a school nurse who suspected my son of having Aspergers. He was 13 and had been having lots of issues and nothing we did seemed to help. My ex-wife had called and said the nurse wanted to meet because of her suspicion. I decided to go so I could set her straight. How silly. My son, autism? I don't think so. Consequently, the more she explained the more it all made sense. A short while into this my ex-wife and I looked at each other and realized at the same time it all applied to me as well. It about broke me. Relief to now understand many things. Shame for having passed it on. Sadness knowing that it helped destroy my marriage. I was also proud to realize that I had achieved a great deal of success not only in spite of it but also because of it. I have not bothered getting a diagnosis. I am very high functioning but it is obvious without a doubt. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I liked it better when I was just "a little odd". It has allowed me to understand myself better. That has kinda been a mixed bag. Anyway, that was my moment.

YouTube videos of some of the higher functioning Aspies.

I remember clicking on one of their videos and my jaw droping at just how well I related to what they said and how they said it.

By the time I made it through the third one's videos I knew that somehow "these people are just like me."

I found out I was autistic three and a half years ago.

I was getting into reading blogs, and I found ballastexistenz while following links from a disability blog carnival, and managed to get stuck reading every post on her blog. I also read posts on a few other autistic blogs. What happened was that I found the writing to be intensely familiar to me, and I realized that I must be on the spectrum too. Unfortunately, I didn't really know how to deal with it, so I didn't do anything about it until it came up again this past winter.

When I got the diagnosis at seven years old. I always knew I was diffrent from other people, now it just had a name. It didn't really bother me nor did I ever try to deny it. I was too in my own world at the time to take anything else in that wasn't Lion King related. I kinda feel the same way lately with my new Sonic the hedgehog obsession. I'm an adult now and can make my own desisions for myself so my Sonic obsession is actualy easier than my Lion King obsession ever was. I learned how to keep my special intrests a secret and I've said a few times, I feel very weird talking Sonic with people and quickly change the subject. I don't think I will ever give up my meerkat obsession but I haven't felt this way about a certian obsession ever since the summer of 1994. I know Sonic is technicaly 20 today (it's Lion King's 17th birthday today too) but it all feels new to me. I've have this weird, strange craving for chilli dogs lately too.

Anyway, nothing could ever explain my special intrests/obsessions until I got my AS diagosis. I originaly had an ADHD diagnosis and didn't speak until I was four but at the time Jenny McCarthy was probably still prancing her ass around in a bunny costume and there wasn't such a rush to diagnose autism back then. Obessions were always my strongest autistic trait.

Friday, March 4th, 2011: When I got home from school, my mom told be about AS after watching something about it on TV. She suspected that I might have it.

Saturday, March 5th, 2011: I decided to research AS for myself. After discovering that it is a mental disorder related to Autism, I was in denial, but I didn't completely rule out the possibility.

Sunday, March 6th, 2011: I started reading posts here on WP. I was amazed to find that almost everything I read was very much like something I could have written.

Monday, March 7th, 2011: I concluded that I probably do have AS, and signed up for WP. I've been here ever since.

I'm still somewhat shocked that I've actually found people who are like me.

Well, a psychologist said I had it in 10th grade, and then a psychiatrist said I had it, and then another psychologist said it, and I don't believe any of them.

I feel that with psychologists, thinking I have Asperger's is directly correlated with not liking me. My favorite psychologist, the one who saw me inpatient, said I definitely didn't have Asperger's and I should stop torturing myself with the label.

OK..whoo....I've never told this to anyone and now it feels really weird.
But I was tested in 2nd or 3rd grade. It started when I spent a few nights at a hospital to see if I had seizures. Epilepsy runs in the family, and my mom was concerned, especially because I used to do this thing with my hands that we call "flying". It's kinda hard to explain if you can't be shown it, but it's pretty much a rapid hand flapping motion. I don't really remember how one thing led to another but I ended up being tested for AS. I remember they had me in a small room with one of those one way mirror windows. The whole time I knew that my parents were on the other side, and I felt a little proud of myself for figuring that out since I didn't know what a one way mirror was. I went through a bunch of tests that I (yet again) don't really remember.
I'm just grateful that my mom was able to find out when I was little because shes worked with me ever since then.

I was on a different site when someone started a "post your Aspie score" thread. I took the test and I was shocked while I was going through the questions. I kept remembering specific examples I'd had as a child of what they were asking about. Then I submitted and I scored 90% Aspie and just 15% neurotypical. Then I took another test and I again scored almost 90% positive. As soon as I can afford to I'm going to be professionally tested, but until then I'm reasonably confident that I've found the reason why I am the way I am. And it's nice to have something other than "freak" to explain why you act the way you do.

Well I actually knew about it when my parents told me that that was the doctor's diagnosis, but it didn't hit me until quite a few years later when everything in my life went to pot.

Pretty much all the posts here resonate strongly for me - but the general experiences and observations of Arak-Nafein, edgezz (lucky for me it only came close to destroying my marriage) and SammichEater particularly match my own altho my specific journey has been different of course...

Sometime between 1996 and 1998 I commented to my mum that my stepson had an annoying tendency to look blankly at me when I was trying to explain things to him (lights on but no one home). She suggested he may have AS so I did a quick lookup - it was very obvious AS didn't actually fit him - but I did recognise a lot of things about the general descriptive in myself.

My reaction was "Oh, it's interesting that AS people and introverted wierdos like me are quite similar..." - but I didn't even entertain the thought I might have AS.

A few years later I tripped over some more info on AS and for the first time actually dawned the idea I might actually be more than just very similar to AS - but I didn't look into it deeply or think too much about it - I wasn't even properly aware it was part of the "spectrum" - I'd been interpreting what I read as meaning that AS was "similar" to forms of Autism, not PART of it.

Based on the brief descriptives of AS, my wife agreed that it fitted me pretty well too - but neither of us really bothered to look further.

Then last year in a conversation with a work colleague who has a family member with AS, I commented that my wife and I suspected I might have AS - to which he said he'd "noticed" and that it's very clear and in his opinion I absolutely have AS.

It took quite a while for me get round to looking seriously at exactly what AS really is and critically properly "assess" myself but a couple of months ago I started doing all that and it fits perfectly - even back to childhood.

i have known i had an ASD for as long as i can remember, so some 15 years now, but i didn't realise it was actually AS before i learned of it about 5 years ago...