How to counteract the forces of love?

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I used to be a straight-A, highly committed university student. I have been lucky in having been provided with good circumstances in which I could study properly and do well in school. I don't think many people are that fortunate and I have always been trying to make the best of it. But thanks to love, I have turned into the opposite - a highly procrastinating individual who is not committed to the future and lives in her present, thinking about her boyfriend practically every second of her day. I cannot hold multiple thoughts in my head at once, and no matter how hard I try to focus on my readings and work, my mind screens out 90% of the material I read. I am getting anxious and nervous because I haven't even started on my assignment yet. This is very unlike me as I have always been proactive, finishing my work way ahead of time and then revising it later on to accommodate my processing speed and my atrocious short-term memory/big picture processing.

The only things I find myself doing at this point are either daydreaming about my boyfriend or talking about him to my friends. I can't talk or think properly about anything else. When I try to do something else, I always screw up because I am not devoting my total attention to it. And unfortunately, there is no excuse that I could give to my prof - "Sorry, I cannot study well right now because I'm in love, could you please give me some extra marks or postpone my test?" will not work. So then in the eyes of the professor, I would be an irresponsible student who is not trying hard enough. And the more time I spend with him, the more I love him, the more time I want to spend with him, and the less productive I become. Spending time with him and thinking about him gives me an inevitable high, but I have been raised under a doctrine where achievement is everything. Thus, I feel a sense of guilt about my current situation.

I know that this is very much a typical scenario for someone my age, but I haven't been given any feasible solutions up to this point. How should I deal with this?

Nope, this is 100% typical. It's not even an autistic thing, I don't think, although I only have my own experiences for comparison and I'm autistic, so take that for what it's worth.

It sounds like this is a fairly recent thing. One thing that you can do, especially once things have gone on for a bit longer, is have him over while you study. He can help motivate you to do whatever you need to get done, and if he's really thoughtful, maybe he'll go out and get groceries and cook you dinner so that you have less to worry about and can concentrate on your studies.

Either way, it's just a tough situation. There is no cure, only perseverance.

I've been there- I've never had a BF, but I've gone through college and had my fair share of obsessive crushes.

I spent about two years under the influence of romantic obsession. It took me six years to get my Bachelor's degree.

It's wonderful that your relationship goes two-ways/is requited, but don't give into the obsession.

As I've matured (I have a Master's now), I've learned that you've just gotta buckle down and do the work.

Yep- the only way the works gonna get done is if you just plain old do it!

However, I will say that the work doesn't have to be perfect- it just has to be finished. In other words, you might get C's- but C's get degrees!!

I've been there- I've never had a BF, but I've gone through college and had my fair share of obsessive crushes.

I spent about two years under the influence of romantic obsession. It took me six years to get my Bachelor's degree.

It's wonderful that your relationship goes two-ways/is requited, but don't give into the obsession.

As I've matured (I have a Master's now), I've learned that you've just gotta buckle down and do the work.

Yep- the only way the works gonna get done is if you just plain old do it!

However, I will say that the work doesn't have to be perfect- it just has to be finished. In other words, you might get C's- but C's get degrees!!

Been there, done that. I barely passed with all C's, but at least it did work out alright. This is one of the main reasons why I don't care if I have a significant other or not.

Nah, it's not an autistic thing at all, I think. I don't think it has to necessarily be an autism-related problem in order for me to be able to post about it on this forum. The only difference perhaps between autistic love and non-autistic love might be that the autistic counterpart is more intense, but I can't tell for sure since I don't know how other people feel when they're in love.

If the only solution is to do the work, regardless of the quality, then I really don't understand how there are students who go through university with humongous GPAs. The focusing I am trying to get my brain to do right now feels like pure torture. My mind feels like it's collapsing. I am completely losing the strong self-control I once used to have.

Having him beside me has been the most effective solution so far. But I find I have to literally be in his arms in order to be able to concentrate better, but it's still not as good because I cannot completely focus with another person there the way I could focus in private. Also, when he's gone for a bit, I start thinking about him again.

And yes, it is fairly new.

I didn't want to be in a relationship for the longest time, either, but I still had crushes on people and still lost countless days and nights brooding over them. So I thought I should give in for once. It is at a pretty convenient time in my life, too, as I have been having problems with my parents and should really move out with someone who understands me at last in order to be happier. And start finding ways to provide for myself. I just didn't expect this feeling to take over my life completely like this. In another circumstance, of course, I would be having the best time of my life right now...

....not every student has a "humungous" GPA. The ones that are highly, highly successful have a quality of focus and control that you simply don't have right now.

Yes, sometimes you have to "just do it."
Would you rather C's or F's?

And I don't want to be a buzz kill, but you can be comforted in remembering that the day will come when you're no longer addicted to your new SO :p

"This too shall pass."

True, true. *sigh*

Perhaps you could ask him to be with you while you study or do homework? Or maybe do your school work together so that you (or both) get that out of the way?

Dantac:

I honestly don't think that's really the best idea. Now's the best time for her to practice being interdependent. That is- being in a relationship but still doing her own thing.

Needing the SO there in order to work is sliding into codependence.

OP, what you are experiencing is what a psychologist named Tennov called "Limerence."

Here are some written resources that might help you:

A definition (The list is correct but the author treats limerence as equivalent with infatuation, while Tennov did not):
http://www.psywww.com/intropsych/ch16_s ... rence.html

The original book:
http://www.amazon.com/Love-Limerence-Ex ... 511&sr=8-1

An online support group:
http://tribes.tribe.net/limerence

In my experience, studying this phenomenon has helped.

This post reminds me of this songs

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDxDKhnxCXI[/youtube]

This is a trick I've used with some success in the past for situations such as yours. It may sound sort of corny, and your mileage might vary.

Before you sit down to study and do homework, give yourself permission to obsess over him in one hours time. Even set an alarm if you wish. Give this permission verbally to yourself works best. Then when the hour comes due, allow the other thoughts to flow. Repeat as necessary. With practice, you can extend the time allotment.


edit: and by 'obsess' I mean the most endearing sense of that word.