Family Guilt

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My mom is turning 60 next year and my sisters are putting this giant guilt trip for me to come back and visit. This would be fine if I didn't live in Phoenx Arizona and they live in Nova Scotia Canada.

I have been living here for 8 years now and I have been back once and I really don't have the income or the desire to go again. It isn't that I don't care about them but I have no desire to visit. It is a long and expenxive trip. I have 3 kids one who has apsergers as well and his therapy is expenisve.

I just cant understand why they are making me feel guilty for something I cant do and don't want to do. This morning they told me that it isn't fair of me to not come and visit. I don't get how it isn't fair and I can't explain to them rationally that I just cant make it. My mom even told me when she visited this past February that it would not be a good idea of me to visit because I can use the money for better things.

I really am just venting but I really don't know how to respond to my sisters except by saying I cant afford it. I can't leave my wife with 3 kids for a week. I cant stand airports. Nova Scotia reminds me of my high school life which was terrible.

I just wish they would stop making me feel bad about not going back.

Ask them if they'd be willing to pay for the trip...

Seriously, if your mum understands that you need the money for other things, then who cares what they think. If they cared that much, they'd buy your ticket for you!

You could maybe skype her on the day or send flowers by interflora to show you're thinking of her instead..

I have a very similar family, next time they try this guilt trip you should ask them when the last time they came to visit you, I am assuming that they havent as you didn't mention this.

Parents who like you are financially committed to having to fork out for therapy treatments and support for a AS child have a higher priority I mean where does your family think you should draw the line ?? ask them if they think the money is better spent on a trip to go see your mom or giving your shild the best coping skills to cope with thier future ?

Personally I would rip into them for even attempting to lay any kind of guilt trip on you for something like this.

Failing that maybe you could suggest you pay for her to come down a visit you after her birthday so you and her and more importantly your Mother can spend time with thier grandchild without your kid being placed in a strange environment with crowds and strangers ??

I agree I just have to say no and deal with it. To be honest I really don't even have a relationship with my siblings anymore. I never really did and that maybe because I struggle to relate with most people. Now that I don't live there I don't miss them. It isn't that I dislike them I am just happy with my own life.

They recenlty flew to L.A. which is not far from where I live and before that they went to Mexico. It isn't like I live that far away from those places and they didn't visit so I don't know why I should visit.

I really can't bring my son. He is finally making progress with his therapy and change is the last thing he needs. I was just diagnosed last month myself and am struggling to deal with some of the issues it has brought up so leaving my families routine would be horrific.