I was having such a good day...

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I hate how people just seem to ruin a perfectly fine day! Yesterday I felt like I was having a pretty good day until my mom decided to ruin it. I don't really have a real job at the moment but I have been doing some odd-jobs on the side, mostly home demolition (remodeling) and some basic carpentry stuff for a friend of my dad's, maybe once a week or twice a week... it's not much work but at least its something. Yesterday was one of those days that I had some work to do... I got paid to rebuild/refinish an old exhaust fan from the 1950s. The thing really didn't work at the beginning of the day and 6 hours later I had it rebuilt working and looking pretty much brand new. Everyone seemed pretty pleased with the results... the comment I got before the end of the day was something along the lines of "this is f----ing sweet!". I felt pretty good after that, felt like accomplished something (even if it wasn't the worlds biggest accomplishment) and I got $90 to do something that I really enjoyed working on. Anyway, enough about the fan...

When I got home I was still pretty 'geeked up' about the whole thing. I started talking to my mom about it, how I went about fixing it and how it was just great to do something I enjoyed and get paid for it. At dinner everything changed though... I was telling my dad about it and then my mom just decided to interrupt the conversation.

She started making me feel terrible, just kind of pointing out all my flaws, how I am not making any progress in life, etc... basically just making me feel worthless. She would point out things like the fact that pretty much every job I have ever had my parents have gotten for me and that I need to find a job on my own, I forgot to finish doing my laundry, I never socialize with friends, whenever she asks me about these problems I just don't say anything to 'help her out', I need to be more like my sister, etc, etc. I just kind of sat there and took her complaints for about an hour, I really wanted to get up an leave but then I know she would have just completely flipped out.

She told me to up to the place where you can get temporary manual labor day jobs and work there for today. She then told me that I could do much better than that and I just need to 'get over' my problems and that I am just imagining them.

I hardly slept last night after that... I got an hour or two of sleep max. At around 5am I got ready to go to this temporary labor place. I absolutely hate that place, I've worked there before and it is hell. There are so many alcoholics and drug addicts that show up there, last time I worked there I had to drive in the car with someone to a job and they admitted they had just smoked a bunch of pot beforehand. I mean, I've smoked before but I wouldn't show up to work and offer to drive people around while high! Why would I ever want to go near a place like this?

So anyway I got in my car and drove past the place this morning and just kept on going... I just couldn't go there again. I ended up just driving around in my car for 2-3 hours trying to relax. Now I have no money, my car is nearly out of gas and I really feel no better than I did from last night.

Why the hell would my mom even do this? She says that all she wants is for me to be happy, but then I have a day where I am feeling happy and enthusiastic and she just shoots me down for no reason? I know I have problems I need to work on... and I am trying to work on them but every time I make progress my mom just seems to think its not enough. I don't even want to talk to my mom about anything personal anymore, she is such a social butterfly that every time I tell her anything she seems to go around and tell everyone else she knows. I try my hardest to be friendly around her and I think I do a pretty good job... I am not an unfriendly person at all, no one ever says that about me, but no matter how hard I try she still just has to point out my flaws at random for no apparent reason.

Sorry that this post is horribly long and boring...

Hey! My parents are like that too!! ! Putting down my issues. Once they tossed around "You are 25 and haven't accomplished much in life have you?! !!" I returned to college in Fall 2010 and was obsessive doing the course material "OMG! obsession is not normal!! !" I told my older sister (who found the AS diagnosis!! BTW) that I had did school work 2-3 weeks in advance "Why couldn't you of just done colleg work without going to classes?" Put downs left/right. They ruin my good days as well. You aren't alone. I "geek out" over movies/awesome shirt/item etc. and get told "Grow up!" practically EVERYDAY by my dad. I'll never please them probably even having a PhD! (I'm getting the AA and having bigger plans in mind.) Thankfully professors back me. One said "I should do research NOW." Another Spanish 1 which I met in April for classes in the Fall said "I can tell you are someone that wants to be here." So I get support from professors which helps emotionally when feeling down from parent issues. I know EXACTLY where you are coming from!

Your problems aren't likely imagined but they're also not insurmountable. It sounds like you're on your way to doing constructive things with your natural gifts keep embracing that but also look for a way to turn your gifts into a career. There is some truth in daily work being a dead end BUT the economy isn't playing well right now so you have to take what you can get.

That said I think you should talk to your mother about it... you're not your sister nor will you ever be; don't lose sleep over it.. Nobody is perfect including your mother or sister. Beware though it's probably going to be two way. At some point you have to get yourself ready to support yourself and more. You've found the kinds of things you really enjoy with some thought you can turn that into a career when things turn around.

Your post is long but it's not boring. If you find that the putdowns you endure are too much to take and they're a constant rather than something that flares up on occasion, you might consider talking to your mother and family about how you feel. Perhaps you've already done this, or they're not into discussing feelings because they think it's "wussy" and the pragmatic value behind it of clarifying the situation and moving forward is totally lost on them. In that case, it might be time to take the plunge--if only for your own sanity's sake--and move the hell out of there. Take this advice with a grain of salt, of course. I don't know your whole situation, I just saw your post on my Twitter feed and decided to see if I could help.
I can relate. It took me a while (decades) to realize that, despite my parents' best intentions, they didn't know what was best for me, and in fact were very poor role models in some respects. I'm grateful to them for my existence, of course, but they're not perfect. My life's actually quite a bit better since I distanced myself from them, got on with my own life and did things my way.
I know there's the issue of making enough money to be independent. It's bad enough being Asperger's and knowing what you're getting into half the time, and when you don't it's quite a bit more frightening. Perhaps a good compromise would be setting a goal of living on your own with a deadline, outlining a strategy of how you would achieve this, and showing this to your parents. If they still harsh on you after all this, I would sell the car and take the next bus far, far away. It's better than staying in such a toxic environment. Hope I'm not projecting my own experience too much on your situation, but if things are as bad as they seem, it could be the way to go.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I am feeling a bit better today but just still frustrated by the whole thing. I just don't understand, today my mom is just back to being nice to me, I really don't want to talk to her because I feel like somehow I will just set her off again... especially if I tell her how I feel about it. I don't really want to make my mom sound like a horrible person or something, I think she is just trying to help me but on the other hand she usually just makes me feel worse... I just think that in so many ways we are just complete opposites.

I really do want to move out on my own again. I was living by myself for a good portion of last year while taking college classes but things ended up going extremely poorly for me, and that's why I am back at home with my parents. My parents just seem to trivialize the whole issue, like I should have no problem just going out to find a job... which really I guess I shouldn't have a problem with that (most people don't)... but the fact is I DO, I just get too nervous/anxious about it. I don't really just want to make up excuses for not getting a 'real job'... and I think I will get there, I just feel that my parents want to just dive straight into it... and I'm just not comfortable with that.