New and some advice required

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Hi there,

I am new here and am after a little bit of advice. I have just started to try and get the ball rolling for a diagnosis of some level of autism or aspergers. Basically my GP was unable to offer me any advice and said that she was unsure if there was anywhere she could refer me to about this, but that she will try and will get back to me but she can't promise anything. I feel like I've hit a bit of a rut.

I am nearly 27 years old and have always been and felt a little 'unusual' compared to other people. I have difficulties socially; talking to people I don't know, maintaining eye contact etc. I find social places like pubs and busy bars quite overwhelming and can't seem to switch off from other conversations going on around me and I just sort of withdraw into myself which makes me come across as very quiet or possibly a bit miserable or boring. But I assure you I am not, I just don't find coping with that easy.

My parents have recently admitted that they recognised unusual tendencies in me as a child but they were unsure if this was due to me being a twin (my twin died in the womb but remained with my until birth- and I have, pretty much since day one exhibited very unusual and clingy behaviour that still occurs to this day). I find life a constant struggle; even things that people find easy like just walking down the street, I feel very uncomfortable and almost paranoid. I am constantly trying to figure people out and I start driving myself mad trying to work out if they are thinking different to what they say. I have got myself into trouble recently for not recognising when I took a joke too far and I upset someone badly. I honestly had no idea that they weren't finding it funny any more. I also have very obsessive rituals and things I must do all the time.

I always wondered why I can't keep people attention when I talk, and people tend to turn their attention elsewhere but have since been told that I have a very monotonous tone of voice and I repeat myself a lot. I know I repeat myself because I hear myself doing it. It's like little pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together now and make a bit of sense.

I have suffered on and off with depression since I was 18 and this year it reared its head again, accompanied by self-harm. Although a few things have happened this year that have added to my feeling low, I know there is no major event to have kick started this, the problem has been there all along but it is finally coming to a head and ruining my life.

I am able to function on a normal level. I actually trained as a teacher which was the hardest thing I have ever done as you can imagine and I do find it hard but I am in a good job which I enjoy and have been since last September. I believe that all this may have come to a head because of this job- I am suddenly in a situation where I can no longer hide from my problems and I am to a certain extent forced to face issues such as dealing with other members of staff etc and having to be involved in meetings. Strangely I don't feel the same problems when talking to the kids, just adults.

My worry is that my doctor said she is unable to promise whether she can find anyone to diagnose me. She said that when she has tried to sort this out for someone in the past she hit a brick wall and was unable to. I know that a diagnosis wont change anything but I feel that if someone can turn around to me and tell me I have it I wont feel quite so odd and alone anymore. At the moment people make jokes about my social issues and I just laugh along with them. They don't understand.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and can you offer some help as to who I might go to if my doctor cannot help me?


Thank you.

Welcome. You might try to find a specialist, who knows more about AS than your current doctor. Here in Finland it would be a neurologist.

I don't know if this is the advice you want but if you can function properly and don't need any services/medication/whatever, then I wouldn't get to hung up about getting an official DX. If you feel you have AS then just go with it. I got diagnosed when I was in school and struggling so they helped me out to graduate but after high school, the diagnosis hasn't done anything for me. If anything, it's hindered some of my employment and educational pursuits. I certainly don't feel any less odd or alone because of it.

My point is just don't get hung up on it. We all can improve ourselves as people and the situations we're in and that's what we should really focus our energy on. If it's really important for you then by all means go for it, good luck.

Thank you for your replies.

Jacoby- I know that it will not change anything, but I do feel that I need to know for definite. I have to see things black and white and at the moment it is all a very grey area but an official diagnosis would make it real to me, and then I can start to deal with it.

I have been having counselling and been on anti-depressants, the latter I have had to stop taking due to a reaction I had to them. The counselling was very hard because it involved talking to a complete stranger, which I was unable to do really so it was more just him talking to me while I stared at the ground.
I know I will still feel lost and alone, even with a diagnosis, but in my own mind I will know the reason and I can stop believing I am a freak, because that is how I feel. I need to know for certain so I can tell myself I'm not a freak at all, but that I have a problem and I am a little different. I hope that makes sense.

Nutta - are you in the UK?

If so, the first thing your GP should do is refer you to the Adult Mental Health Team, which is where things all start.

Having spoken to the team there, they might then refer you to a specialist service for diagnostic assessment if they feel it is appropriate, there is one that you are able to travel to, and your PCT is willing to pay for it (more of an issue if it is outwith your PCT).

In my case the specialist service was too far for me to go to comfortably, so I was assessed over a period of several months by the mental health team who liaised closely with the local autistic society.

Now that I am diagnosed they are applying for funding for me to receive ongoing tailored support from the local autistic society. I am not sure whether the funding will be approved or what the support will involve; but it is clear that although I function well (I have held my current job for 6 years, have been with my husband for 17 years etc) there are definite areas where I struggle and that this has consequences for my mental health and it was felt that I should be supported in these areas.

I am surprised by the way I have been treated. I was certain I would be brushed off as a depressed & anxious middle aged woman who needed to pull herself together. I only went for diagnosis for my own peace of mind - to know the reasons why I am like am. So it is a surprise to be offered support. A very good surprise. If it happens.

See if you can find an ASD specialist near you, and ask your GP for a referral (if one is needed)

Or ask an ASD support group if they know of anyone that specialises in ASD diagnostics.

If you feel you need to know, then do it for yourself. I've done exactly that.

There is some advice on the National Autistic Society website here.

Thank you. I am in the UK. I asked my GP if I could be referred to someone but she seemed to infer that she really had no idea who to refer me to or if there was anyone to refer me to. I found that a little strange to be honest.

I have also contacted a local private hospital in case they have anyone there who is a specialist in this area but am awaiting a response.

I'd be inclined to go and see a different GP and ask to be referred to a psychologist for Asperger's assessment. The fact that your current GP doesn't even know where to start is worrying.

Thank you. I am going to see what this GP comes up with, although she did say I may have to wait until August before I hear as she is going on holiday.

If there is no luck with her then I am going to see another GP.

I have a friend who's son is diagnosed as autistic and she is absolutely convinced I have some form. She says that speaking to me is like speaking to her son- I have the same way of talking and I do very similar things to him.
I am aware sometimes that I must come across as rude but I don't mean to be. I am just very uncomfortable with strange people.

Have you tried looking for specialists in your area on google? If you find one yourself and take their details to the gp they should be able to refer you straight away.

Not directly linked to the question...

I'm a teacher too- so good luck!

When you get your diagnosis, NEVER tell your HT about it- I did, and now she seems to be trying to get rid of me...

Really? That's not good.

I am a self-harmer too and my HT found out (long story). I was terrified she was going to get rid of me but she was very supportive and arranged a counsellor and things for me. But if I get a diagnosis I will keep it quiet. I am good at my job and having a diagnosis wont make any difference to that.

People find it hard to believe that I can be a teacher, but I find standing at the front of a class quite easy, strangely.

Standing in front of the class is the easy bit- faced with 30 7 and 8 year olds is no problem- it's when I talk to other staff that the problems arise, and all the other stupid things we have to do...

Maybe the problem is just with my HT- she's a control freak, and has been known to almost bully others before...
At least my TA is incredible!

I'm new too. Not new to AS but new to this sight.