Either, Or
10 Jul 2011, 5:54 pm
Either I'm right on the nose with my self diagnosed Aspergers syndrome ( or at least some form of ASD ),
or
I'm a buzz-killingly serious, quintessensally lazy and overall boring guy. I've done some progress; I don't think all people are ignorant, I don't think people are leading meaningless lives, I respect people's opinions, tastes and preferences that don't compare itself to mine. I've had maybe a little superiority complex in my early adulthood, and I feel I'm passed that at 24, for real. Although I do feel people to be rather impulsive, emotional and irrational in their general behaviour, and in this group, I'd recognize sayyyyyy 90% to 95% of the population. ( I'm in Québec, Montréal, for those interested in my social sample )
People can litterally contradict themselves fundamentally with 2 sentences, and I'm the only ( explicit ) to react, generally by asking the person to repeat his/herself, consequently exposing the contradiction. All of this which goes generally well with the surrounding social circle. I think people sort of expect it from me, which is a relief as far as I'm concerned. I pay close attention to the words people use to express themselves, and I thrive in situations that are logical from my perspective. If I detect something I consider illogical, my brain will try to make it logical by asking questions, informing myself and thinking about whatever which is bothering me. And I am constantly enchanted by the idea that most people don't do that a lot.
I am surrounded by people, and I might emphasize, a society, that rely solely on their deep gut emotion and ego day in day out, from their most important decisions in life, to their daily routine. Plus, they don't realize when they're being manipulated, they don't notice their particular dependencies ( some have none ), they don't realize when they are being immoral, prejudiced or disrespectful. In a society where everyone is allowed an opinion, everybody feels compelled to get one, simply by knowing that a subject is debatablerequires one to have an opinion. They don't give a ( explicit ) about informing themselves though. They will use the same intellectual capacity to formulate their opinion to rationalize immigration reform than establishing which of the Batmobile versions are awesomer.
I think I am loosing my mind, because now I see most everyone as weak emotional creatures. haven't all the robots in all the sci-fi stories always thought of humans as weak emotional creatures. You are unfit to tend to yourselves, the blind leading the blind, Big Brother is watching you and all tgose clichés. Maybe my superiority complex wasn't completely removed, but the saving grace is that there is an interest level. People seem fascinated about my views on life, because tey are usually very agreeable. I will express myself on any subject and make people laugh heartily just by speaking my honest mind. What a gift!, I says. maybe I can start actual meaningful conversations with these people. And I have, but for every listener, ther can be up to three people trying deliberately to change subject, even resorting to cheap tricks, rudeness, bullying. Ironically, these are also traits that AREN'T forwned upon in today's society.
And I haven't even related about women! Turns out, good genes, I'm a good looking guy. ( superiority complex? ) I've realized with age that not all, but a lot of ladies like my demeanour and my general personality. That being said, I'm not the most easy person to talk to; I can't contribute to small talk. The 'smallest talk' I know about is Pro sports, and you know that most girls don't give no hoot about no sports. Simply put: No relatable subject matter. even for things like culture ( movies music etc. )
I dig stuff that most everybody doesn't know exist. And as for dating sites, after the girl who's boycotiing some newspaper that is given away FREE IN THE SUBWAY, or the one who stopped messaging me when I told her I was a separatist. prrrffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrr... screw'em, haven't had sex in 4 years... I'm going for the record.
SO, basically, the majority of my social interactions are awkward and are usually a source of stress for me, usually in retrospect. I do a crazy thing where my subconscious replays recent social interactions and at some point, when I'm alone some specific stressfull or illogical situation will jet out from my mind, and I just rationalize the situation in a heartbeat. Can be compared to 'thinking of the right thhing to say 3 hours later', but a bit more profound and unintentional.
For those of you who read: I'm sorry, I lost my main point, but it has been a relief to write this, and even more of a relief to post it. It's been a long 6 weeks aaaaaand yeah... that's how I've been feeling for a while now. I feel like I'm going through a fundamental change, or maybe it's the horny.
post comments freely, let me have it if need be.
