Relationships with your mother

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I've recently been looking at how childhood expiriences affect people's behavior in adolscence/adulthood. One of the things that I've noticed is that I was treated badly by my mother, and I am also intimidated by other women even if I do not talk to them at all and nothing happens between us. I gravitate closer to men (even if they are strangers) in the grocery store more than women (I'm talking distance-wise). It's hard for me to trust other women even more than men. I don't think this has anything to do with me being pansexual, but it is surely ironic.

Okay, so how do you think your relationships with your mother affects how you interact with other women? Do you think that having a mother who is selfish with her possessions will make you want to share or horde things away? What about love?

My mother was always a very good mother and really tried her best with me, even though she misunderstood my motives for doing things and blamed much of my autistic inertia and sesory problems on being defiant.

It was not really my mother that impacted my relationship as much as my dads. both of them were abusive and my natural father gave me up for adoption to my step father...although i kept the same mother.
However I seem to have perpetual bad taste in relationships...so I gave up dating to spare my suffering.

I have many issues with my mum, but girls at school were the main cause of my hatred\intimidation\fear\distrust of women.

I get on really well with my mother, she's been a good role model for me. She's quite a strong person and pretty refined. She has a great dress sense, which I don't naturally have, at all. I had to learn from her not to look like a bag lady all the time. The only bad hang-up she's left me with is that she's a bit homophobic, so I've had a hard time accepting my sexuality. I love her so much, I didn't want to grow up to be anything she found disgusting.

My mum is also a very big worrier though, so I've picked up some of that. Depression runs on both sides of my family.

I get on very well with my Mother we go shopping together and have lunch and on sundays play cards.She's all I've got now since my Dad died.

My mom had a lot of issues with depression. She was also very shy around other people but codependent to my alcoholic father. It use to make me angry everytime she'd tell us how great it would be if she died in her sleep or accidentally overdosed on barbiturates. I'm not sure how this affected me and my relationship with women. I do feel isolated emotionally from men and women. I was bullied by both genders in my school years and tried to be as invisible as possible so it would stop. I think I've taken some of her traits. She also has always had an odd way of talking and expressing her limited social skills. I don't know if she has aspergers but the older I get the more I find we have in common. She is also an obsessive hoarder who happens to love cats.

I actually get along quite well with my mom (at least most of the time). I love her to bits, as she does me.



I will say, though, that my maternal Grandmother (although I hardly ever call her "Grandmother" anymore) is a psychopathic b***h (readers, pardon my language, blatant honesty here) who has screwed up my mother's childhood and the vast majority of mine. I don't really know what it is like to be happy anymore because she has sucked most, if not all, of my ability to feel happiness (when I do, it is temporary and does not last very long) and I have been bitter, angry, and resentful towards that woman for the past 5 years. It will take a LONG time to erase the damage she has done.

While I love my mum, we don't have the best relationship. Basically as a kid my meltdowns seemed to always be caused by her.

My brother is severely autistic, and so she expected me to be normal and getting frustrated with me when I couldn't do what she expected, (which basically was "be the big sister" when I was the little sister).

She could work with my brother's meltdowns, but mine were seen as temper tantrums.

I guess she tried with me and I guess its not easy having a 6th child and the 3rd one diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum... (BTW, my family are in the way of thinking that Autism is genetic - due to our experiences)

I never lived with my mother so most of the time she doesn't even feel like my mom. My grandma was the one that raised me so she is mom like my mom then my mom is.

I was adopted as a newborn. I don't know exactly when my mother began to hate me, but it was within my first year of life. Mom often left to me to my own devices locked in my room, while she puttered around the house during the day. Once I was a toddler, I was ok as long as I left her alone. If I wanted her attention, I got in big trouble. She went back to work in my 3rd year. I guess she really couldn't stand being in my presence. By the time I was 4 something, she enrolled me in school fulltime. I don't know why they kept me (there were lots of options). I never had a normal relationship with either of my parents. Dad was physically & verbally abusive too. Neither of them were supportive or loving.

To this day, I keep mostly to myself. I never really learned social skills, even though I attended school since the age of 4. I have had few female friends over the years. Most of my relationships have been abusive in some way. I almost always end up being bullied (it's happened at home, school, work, & other relationships). I suck at being human.

Apparently, I was close to my mother until about 8 or 9. It changed when I was abused, but also I think, I was no longer the child that I was, and became depressed over issues at school. I found her to be quite controlling and critical, and that did a lot of damage to my self esteem. She could be loving, but she never really seemed to understand me or to pick up that she was causing a lot of stress and pressure that led me to self harm, on top of the issues from my abuse(sexual). The psychiatrist told her she was causing a lot of my issues, but she got upset and refused to listen, it seems, I suppose I can understand that as noone wants to feel to blame for their kid having problems.

We barely talk now. She does not contact me, and I do not contact her. I tried to share some of the things I was doing, but she seemed uninterested. What makes it much harder for me is that she has regular contact with my brother and gets on fine with him, and that causes me a lot of depression and anger. Just because a child is different, does not mean it does not deserve love. Apart from financial help, I do not have anything from my parents anymore. They got bored of my problems, and never realised that many were caused by a)feeling pressured to be someone I was not b)bullying at school c)criticism when I didn't do as was expected. Everything was always put down to the sexual abuse, and not to the issues I hit as I got older and my differences became more troublesome at school.

For some reason, when my brother has a worry or a problem, it is acceptable and she tries to help. When I have a worry or a problem now, it causes only irritation and attempts to shut me up...ironically, I seem to have ended up with boyfriends who behave the same way in response to any problems I have. However, they were aspies, and she, to my knowledge, is not.

So I have given up all efforts to re establish any bond or closeness with my mother as she does not seem to wish it, and interraction with her tends to cause frustration and confusion. Not that I absolve myself of any responsibility, as I know my issues made me difficult, but then, the true cause of my difficulties was never recognised.

I've done better with my mom now that i'm an adult. We've talked a lot in the last few years, especially after my dad got cancer and died. My relationship with her as a child was awkward. She didn't understand me and was so wrapped up in her own world that parenting was one of the farthest things from her mind. When she left me dad when I was 8, I was so angry with her. I hated her for abandoning us, even though I lived with her half the time. When she moved back in with us when I was 15, I hated her again because she disrupted the balance, and suddenly tried to become 'mom' again. It was very weird. I forgave her and myself when I was about 25 (I'm 39 years old now). I think we've achieved a mother, daughter relationship after that. Now, I talk to her every week (which is more than I talk to anyone except my husband).

From all of this, I somehow learned not to trust women. I worry that they are going to let me down emotionally. Of course, as I get older, I find this problem diminishing. I still prefer the company of men more than women, though. Men tend to be more direct when communicating and less confusing. I always feel confused when sitting with a group of women; like I'm a step off, or missing something critical. Men usually make me feel this less often. Even on a one to one basis, women (throughout here I'm talking of NT women) tend to make me nervous. I feel more criticizied, less certain. It probably has nothing to do with the women though, and a whole hell of a lot to do with me.