I can't go it alone anymore

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I like to fix my life's problems on my own without help from anyone and I'm so secretive that I never tell people about my problems even if they ask. I just keep it to myself and I keep thinking that things are going to get better, but they never do. I've tried to get my life on track again and again, but failed. And it feels like everyday I become more lost and separated from the world.

I think that my "go it alone" approach is wrong and that I do need help, but it's so hard for me to ask anyone for help. I've been hiding so much about myself for so long and I don't know if I can tell anyone these personal things now, but I feel like I must. I think I need to see a psychologist and be completely honest about everything, but I don't know how. When something has been a secret for so long, how do you let go of it?

I feel so confused and the idea of doing this is just freaking me out, but I know I have to do something or it's never going to get better.

Thanks for reading.

i'm bad for keeping stuff to myself and just 'dealing with it' too. posting about your problems here is a start?
i also don't understand how people can be so open and frank with someone just because they have been labelled a professional; it seems so weird to me. but you should give it a try at least whilst you're feeling all pro-active. so many people do it- there must be something in it?

I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now! Trying to get along in life without help would be really hard for anybody....I hope it made you feel better to write about how you keep stuff inside. Sometimes even that part is hard.

I think for some people it's probably easier to focus on one thing at a time....instead of trying to get everything out all at once. One thing might feel big enough.

Remember that it's okay to need help, and it's okay to take your time in asking for it if you need to take time.

I wish you luck with getting through this!

If you feel unable to talk to people in your life, then a psychologist could be a good starting point.

When I see those sorts of people, I either go with a letter or piece of writing, expressing what I want to say, and hand it to them. Or I try to pretend that they are not in the room, and talk to the floor, tell the floor what is going on in my heart or the pain I am in, or the problems I am having. I can ramble on for quite a long time this way. As long as there is no eye contact required.

Once you start saying things out loud it is often easier to understand your own feelings, and express them to other people in your life.

Good luck.

Used to be extremely like this

Still am very like this

And it hinders me greatly.

I need someone to sort out my life right now. I just need to get started on this horrible mess and I can't pull myself out alone so to speak

Problem is those closest to me think I'm being lazy or laugh it off when I hint I need help so I dare not outright ask!

*hug*

what a mess we are all in.

Thanks for your replies. I appreciate all your thoughts and advice. It did feel good to write about it here, so I think I'll say a few more things.

The problems I'm talking about are basically my social problems such as my difficulties getting a job, making friends, dating, or having conversations. But also my extreme difficulties planning, goal-setting, and decision-making. I think I've always been in denial about my problems, trying to pretend that I'm just like an average person, I've lived with the guilt of not being what society expected me to be. Now that I've been reading these forums for a while, I don't feel so guilty about these things because I know there are others with problems like mine. I think I have AS but was never tested for it as a child.

I'm not terribly depressed right now, I'm just really frustrated with my situation. A few years ago I quit my job to go back to school, but I had breakdown toward the end of the semester and failed all my classes. I moved back home with my parents, feeling like the world had defeated me. My parents love me, but I don't open up to them very much. I also have one close friend, but he has disabilities of his own and I can't talk about serious things like this with him.

But now I'm feeling good about this and I think I'll call to make an appointment tomorrow.

oh i'm so like you!

+1

The only difference between me and the OP is that I'm still in denial about it. I probably won't get very far if I keep isolating myself like this, but I can't imagine myself asking for help. Also, if I manage to achieve my goals without help, it will be very satisfying. Although I can't deny my fear of either not achieving my goals or simply recognizing my achievements as pointless. Like Citizen Kane.

I use to say that friendship is overvalued.

My advice, is that you "walk with lead feet" (gingerly, --translator said--). When you decide it is time to be more opened: do it little by little. There are lots of people that seems to be great friends, specially when they begin opening their minds at you. But when you are more supported in they; they have no more the needs that began the partnership, and they are not longer the friend you had been thinking.

Here I go: I am good to be found by people that needs to be listened, and then, it becomes in a kind of friendship. But when I tried to be supported, when I feel I need a very friend: I finish disappointed. And there is not a guilty but me. They have another friends to deal with, they have their own problems, they have their own lives. My disappointment is with friendship wich is not that beautifull thing that one can to read everywhere.

I am not defeated, I just "walk with lead feet".

Theres always been a million things i've wanted to do over the years but it's just not the same doing it alone. I just don't feel life is any where near as good without the ability to share the interesting / beautiful things you find with someone that understands the world from a similar point of view. Kinda tiring to live in a world that doesn't know where i'm coming from.

Thanks again everyone.

To be clear, when I say I want to be more honest and open about my personal problems, I mean that I want to open up more to the people closest to me, such as my parents, but not everyone I know. I will take it slow though, so thanks for that advice.

When I see a psychologist I don't want to take it slow though, I think I just want to get everything out there. I've been way to secretive with them in the past, trying to hide things I'm not happy about, for example, hiding the fact that I hadn't ever dated. I don't want to mess around anymore. I just want to get down to business and do this right.

@OneStepBeyond and Magnus Rex

Thanks, it's good to know I'm not alone here.

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. I'm afraid if I try to talk to my dad about this I'll end up with something completely unhelpful like, "You need to toughen up," or "just do it."

We both seem to be at a point of frustration right now. Hopefully something good comes of it. I wish you the best.

I have been in your situation. Though I am perhaps moving away from that current state you find yourself in.But your original post is a mirror reflection of my own internal world at least it was from a few years ago. I have been slowly learning to express myself externally and actually share situations with people not attempt to solve everything myself and through self dicipline internalise my issues and resolve them on my own.

Sometimes a Psychologist is not neccesarily what you need but to actually surround yourself with people who are positive in their support of you. There are so many people out there who want to drain your emotions and energy upon opening up to them and its a risk you always have in interacting with others. But the reward of finding someone who you have a mutual affinity and support is a friendship you really can't take for granted.

Your solution will be through breaking your self isolation both internally and externally and a professional such as a psychologist can only really budge the door open for you. They can't make you embark on the journey towards that door and pass through it.

But yeah, Burnouts and breakdowns do suck. I'd like to avoid those in the future if I can.

Maybe I am not the best to advice you. I don't remember when was the last time in wich I did talk with my parents about something concerning seriously to me.

It is allways easier for me to talk with a stranger (very very occasionally). I know they don't care my problems, it is just the need to say it in words. At the end, I do what I decide to do, and try to avoid to be so opened the next time I see that person.

I don't belive that a psicologist can to solve my way. Mainly because I don't want to try to change.

To talk my principal issues with my closest, it is not comfortable to me.

Maybe it is stupid, but I spend my energy in solve my things the more alone as it is possible.

Are you an alternate dimension clone of me?

Scarecrow, good idea to get all of your personal problems out when you see a psychologist. What's the point in going for help if you're going to purposefully hide things that are bothering you? It's like someone who goes to a doctor for chest pain but they won't go have a chest x-ray: they're ONLY going to hurt themselves and the doctor won't be able to fully help the patient without complete information.

I know it can be tough and scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable, but I personally think it's worth it. The upside is worth the risk.

Go get 'em and good luck!
Cassie