Hi, I am new and a parent of an Aspergers child

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Hi, my 12 year son was diagnosed with aspergers last year. I was so relieved to finally have somthing to research to understand why he acted in certain ways. I was so tired of fighting with the schools and being told my son was defiante when he would shut down. I was so relieved to be able to get the help in the school system that he deserved.

I am looking for ways to help him with socialization this summer. Anything I suggest him joining he turns down. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do. He prefers to be at home among family where he feels most comfortable. He would spend most if not all of his time playing video games of some sort. I don't want to pressure him but I don't want to make things worse by not getting him involved in something with other kids his age. He doesn't really have any friends. If anyone has any suggestions I would appreciate it.

Thanks,
Kelly

Welcome to WrongPlanet, Kelly!

Is the school understanding? It wasn't for me.
I'm not sure what to suggest personally other than to bring any socialisation in gradually.
Hope you enjoy your stay here

Heres something you probably already know: if you push him to socialise he will regress.

When he was younger and I went to the school for help (before his diagnosis) they basically just said he was bad and we had poor parenting skills. He struggled through grade school and was diagnosed before he started Middle School. Since his diagnosis I have been lucky. The school psychologist at his school is amazing. She is his number one advocate at his school. She has a family member on the spectrum and is very knowledgeable. She adores him and works with him and makes sure his teachers are following his IEP. I just wish I would have know sooner so his grade school years would not have been so horrible. I still have problems at times with the teachers but I tell the psychologist and she takes care of the issue.

I am sorry to hear the schools weren't helpful but as you can see I can relate.

As far as the socializing I don't want to push him and make him regress, thats my problem. I think it would be beneficial for him to be around other kids over the summer so it won't be so much stimulation when he goes back to school but don't want to force him.

Welcome!

It is ok to let him spend time alone. It's not bad parenting to let him avoid other kids. That said, if he has any interests that he might share with other people, it may be possible to get him involved based on that. Classes at the museum on astronomy, inviting kids over that enjoy the same games he does, etc.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP, Kelly!

Does he even like these other kids? Do they like him? You might think it helps to push kids to socialise but underneath it all no one is really enjoying it.
If you want him to do something useful for the summer he could help out with chores around the home. It will help develop his skills.
I like the idea of letting him something related to his interests. You don't want to keep him cooped up at home all summer, but if he really doesn't want to socialise then let him. Having pressure put on me to socialise just sent me running in the opposite direction.

Welcome Kelly! I am also new here.

Something I've done is actively lobby other parents and people in the neighbourhood. Socializing so much is not something I really enjoy doing. However, it has helped tremendously. I have confided in a friend or two my challenges and they are often very willing to help out. And very willing to get their kids involved. My age is quite a bit younger though. But, I'd recommend getting to know the families of some classmates. And striking some friendships that maybe you didn't think about before.

I never force my son to do anything he is not comfortable with. Except maybe eat his vegetables.

HI Kelly

I have 2 boys with aspergers age 15 and 6, I also have it myself, it is my experiece that encouraging someone with aspergers to socialise doesn't help them to gain skills it just highlights their differences, although I can totally see why you feel that a summer shut away with video games would be less than ideal.

My opinion is try and take him out for days that do not put social pressure on him such as museums, walks, the zoo, the beach etc Martial arts is good for aspergers as it is very structured and pattern orientated, something like tae kwando is especially good as there is limited contact and it puts the individual in charge of themselves, while introducing an environment that does have other people in it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Oh one more thing I always do with my boys over the holidays is make a calender and put it on the fridge and plan the days as best as possible, the break of the school routine is a scary thing.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

maybe he'll be willing to socialize with kids who share the same interests he does. we aspies often have obsessions that we love to share with others.

Welcome to WP, Kelly. Hope you like it here.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi, Kelly,
Can you and your son come over here?
I have a 12-year-old dd who has just been officially diagnosed. Last summer was harder for us, because she really wanted to be with friends all the time, and didn't pick up on the fact they weren't as needy as she was. This year, after a bad year at school, she's been less eager and I'd say she would prefer to stay home most of the time. Fortunately, she's the youngest of a big family, so there are always lots of people here to hang around with, and we're working on helping the teenagers understand and interact in a way they all enjoy. She does occasionally get bored and then I take her out somewhere: art gallery, movie, etc. I'm also lucky in that she has had social activities and sleepovers in the past. Even though it's harder now I often help her by suggesting she bring a friend with us to the movies or fair. I agree with people who say not to push, but to "facilitate" (i.e. follow his lead and help him with the hard bits).
J.