Social skills class w/ lower functioning kids and my aspie

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How would you suggest negotiating with a school to get your child into a better fitting social skills group? My child is in one, for ESY, and the other children have much lower verbal skills. There's just no way he can practice appropriate interactions with lower functioning kids. My son is an aspie and the other kids are a mix of disorders but no other high functioning kids for sure. If I can't negotiate any change I'm left with just pulling my kid out of the program. sigh.

Boy, I'm with you there. Are there any other groups available first of all? Do you have an idea which class you want? Perhaps there is a class out of town that fits him better that you can get involved with?

Are there any other groups available for the summer? It may be that the only kids that qualify for ESY are children that are lower functioning. Does he have a different group during the normal school calendar?

I guess this will come across as totally un-PC but if the rest of the class is a lot lower functioning than your son I don't see what value he can get from the class. It won't do much good for his self-esteem, either.

We have my son in a sort-of social skills class, it's the only service we get here. Originally, he was put into a class with very low functioning kids of various disorders. There were a couple of Downs kids there, and another that was so violent he always had to be held down by a teacher at all times. The violent kid bit my son one day so we asked if he could be put into another class. He is now in a class with kids of a similar functioning level and is doing much better.

I requested a meeting to discuss the setting and as you can imagine, school staff said my kid could absolutely have positive social interactions that could help his social skills. That he needed to learn to get along with all types of kids. My input meant nothing and as usual, I just document the hell out of what was said for the record. I puled my child from the class. The moron head teacher goofed up and said there's no budget to put my kid in another class. While I reminded her the need is the driving force on what's done, not the budget, I'm in a state with regulations that really protect the interests of the schools and teachers--not the kid.

Anyone ever use an online social skills help site? I found one, socialskillscentral.com but haven't read all the fine print yet. I don't know if I want to throw my kid into another social skills group just yet.

Thinking of all the groups my son has been in, he has almost always been the highest functioning. It's rather simple statistics: you have to go to another school or well out of his age group to find another child at his level, and that is despite us living in a populated area.

My son liked and found value in these groups anyway, 90% of the time, so your school's statement isn't totally out from left field. It depends on how large the differences in ability are, and which issues your child shares in common, and which he doesn't.

My son actually started practicing leadership in one therapy group, his anger and stress management one; the other kids looked up to him. It actually quite affirming for him. And he graduated very grateful for us: in that group, the other kids had really messed up lives.

Another time it did make the class useless, they had to spend so much time on the issues of one child. Social skills ended up morphing into group counseling that year. By then it was middle school and he wasn't sure there was anything any adult could do to help him navigate peers, anyway.

Absolutely fight to find for your child what he needs, but remember that AS is a very broad spectrum, and still not that statistically common. Finding kids similar to your child, enough to make a group from, is hard.

This might be a more succesful battle if you first identify the social skills group that you do want your son in. Then you can make a sound case for why that is more appropriate for him. The school said there is no budget to put him in another class. That implies there is another class somewhere. But where is it? The budget constraint may be that they don't want to pay to bus him an hour away. Maybe you wouldn't want that either (or maybe it would be ok). Or maybe it simply means they would have to pay for out-of-district placement in a much closer school over the town line.

Talk to the parents of other high functioning kids and find out where their kids are getting social skills class. If you can't find parents of high functioning kids who are in a social skills class then that is likely the problem. It means the density of high functioning kids is so low that the nearest program is far away (involving bussing and out of district costs). But if you find them and they say "My kid goes to X class" then you have a firmer case with the school. especially if you visit the class to verify its' appropriatness.

Depending on where you live, there are private social skills groups too. We had my son in one for a few months last year. Ours seemed well run. We had a meeting with the psychologist and she also met with only my son, after which we discussed which group he should be placed. We had mixed results. We mostly went in the summer, so the group of boys fluctuated with vacations, activites, etc. Some Saturdays we only had 2 boys there. Others, we had 6-7 boys there.

I am not sure of what all the other boy's diagnosis were. I think most had ADHD. I think only one might have also been an Aspie. On one hand, it was good for my son to have to learn to be patient, wait and listen to others. However, it seemed like there was a lot of talk about techniques on how to get to sleep as it seemed like that was what most parents wanted their sons to learn. Since my son sleeps pretty good, he got tired of talking about it. I know one time he and one other boy was all that came. This other child had a bad week and didn't want to be there or talk about it. He was throwing a fit and his mother basically drug him to the back. He did not stop even in the room and the Mom left to make sure he stayed. The sounds this kid was making drove my son up the wall. The psychologist did use it as a learn time to teach him some self calming techniques and encouraged him to practice them and rewarded him for trying them.

We left after a few months. It had some positive aspects, but since he had been given a school diagnosis during that time, we knew he was going to be doing some of the same stuff at school, so we dropped it.

The best improvements I have seen in my son haven't been in the school's social group. He gets speech therapy twice a week for pragmatic speech. One other boy in his grade gets it too, so they go together. This is what has helped him more than anything. He has come home talking about rock brain and how your brain gets stuck on a topic such as one time when everyone found his joke funny, but then he still told it days later, etc. These lessons in speech and practicing with the other boy have been more what I was hoping social skills group would do for him.

With my son there were 4 kids. Two kids were almost non-verbal. My son, elementary school, reads at a high school level. The real troublemaker in the room, only description that comes to mind now, was hyper as all heck. My son was and is used to being in leadership roles and this is not the area that needs to be worked on. He's great with adults. It's the peer to peer issues that need the work. I'm glad I pulled him and I let him do this as it was ESY and I had to give it a shot. Too bad the schools do such a poor job at teaching social skills here.

Fwiw, I did tell them what I was looking for as they sarcastically asked me. I described that other aspies or higher functional kids who are academically smart but lacking in the pragmatics of making friends and making conversations. I explained what I was looking for and they told me those kids don't exist. I know they do and I emailed the parents asking them if they would be open to putting their boys in a social skills group. Still waiting to hear back. I asked the head honcho at the meeting if I found the kids would you create a ss group for them and she said the kids don't exist. I'll go over her head if/when I get the group and see what happens.

The other issue that I may face is the reluctance that many parents have with talking about their kids label. Many in my area don't want to (high profile type jobs) so they keep their kid in the closet if you will. Then there's the other type of parent that will refuse any discord whatsoever--even at the cost of their kid. You know, the get along at any cost type. The parents can be just as frustrating as the teachers!! !

Oh this is a bigger problem. I thought it was simply a matter of the school not wanting to pay for out-of-district costs to put your son in a more appropriate group that was not nearby. But if other parents don't want their high functioning kids in social skills (perhaps because they don't want to admit their kids need that sort of help) then there is no group. But that's local culture. A little farther away there may be a different school culture and parents may be more open to having this kind of group. If you don't hear back from the local parents, google around and there may be a private group.

If your school says high functioning kids who need help with social skills don't exist, that means there is no easily available group your son could be put in. But there may be one less easily available a few towns over with different school cultures (some school cultures are very pro-intervention). Hopefully at least one of the parents will write back to you and that will give you a lead to either an existing group or a means to start forming one. Reluctant parents can be a far bigger hurdle than reluctant schools because there is no way to make them go along. But hopefully one or more of the parents of similar kids will be open to this idea or know of an existing group.

I'm all for pro-active. If you can find the kids to make a group, great (just remember that just because a child shows poor social skills does not mean he'll be qualified for services).

i think a lunch bunch would be an alternative. "All" you need is a teacher willing to hold it, maybe one other qualifying child. The other kids invited can be picked by your child on a rotating basis. My son had these and, interesting enough, the "regular" kids considered it a privilege to be invited. it was this special thing to do.

If any future children of mine had AS, I would teach them to socialize in the way I wish people would have taught me.

I would teach them the rules of socializing explicitly.
I would tell them that there are expectations in social situations and what people expect of them and what they should expect of others. I would tell them how group hierarchy forms and I would tell them how to handle unfavorable situations.

I would have them practice this no differently than any other subject.

I made our own social skills group if you will. There is a group of about 6 kids and we all get together to play once a week at least. My son is the only special needs kid. BUT, its been great for the others as well. They all take a role in helping him out and keeping things calm. We play board games together. Practicing taking turns, winning and losing. Its fabulous. Play ball and other things. My goal is to teach social skills to my son. Others goals are varying. But, all kids need to learn better social skills, empathy, understanding. And just fun stuff.

If you cant get a school sponsored formal group for your kid, then seriously, dont underestimate the power of play. Do some internet research and Im sure you can figure something out. Good luck.

I think making your own group can work well too. While not a formal group, my son has two friends he plays with as least once a week this summer. One is a very gifted boy that has ADHD. Although this boy has ADHD, I think he gets topic focused whereas my son does not and he also is very passionate about his LEGOS, which my son is very protective over too. They can clash a bit when he comes over because he likes to touch them and change them, which bothers my son. However, since my son likes him so much and my son likes to play the elaborate games this boy comes up with, it makes him work on being more polite about those type of things.

His other friend's family is from Egypt. I see no signs the boy is ADHD or ASD. He may have some type of LD as he is very meticulous and slow with his speech as if he must think before he speaks, but that may be due to him speaking in two languages. One of his favorite phrases is "I don't mean to be rude but..." and he is very polite, even telling my son sometimes when he comes over he needs to be nicer to his sisters. I have noticed my son picking up the phrase "I don't mean to be rude...", which has been really nice as he can be overly blunt and not afraid to say what is on his mind.

Since I have 5 kids that are always wanting kids to come over, I sometimes feel like saying no as I want less kids, but I usually always encourage it as these encounters have been so positive for my son. Plus, I know he always has someone to play with on the playground.