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How to turn someone down: aspie style

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chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:17 pm

Ok, so, I always worry that I am coming off too cold or that I am being too nice.
I never was asked out in high school (and had I been, I probably would've said yes)...but now people online, are, erm, asking me out.
Thing is: he's not the same religion, he's at least 5 years older than me, and my parents would freak if I went out with someone I met online.
I've told him this, and he still wants to meet.
I've tried everything I know, sounding incapable (because I don't drive a car), sounding annoying (because I fight with my mom) and so on.
Nothing works.
I told him I'd think about meeting him after I'd gone to college for a semester, but Idk.
So, I am turning to ya'll:

What, in your experience (because I'm pretty sure almost everyone here has had more experience than me), is a good way to turn someone down without sounding harsh?


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Trigas
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26 Jul 2011, 11:21 pm

Continue being honest with them as to why it will not work out and try to cut contact if they keep pursuing?



Mammy
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26 Jul 2011, 11:23 pm

Ummmm....sounds like, with this guy, you're gonna HAVE to be harsh. Niceness obviously is not getting through to him. Try this: "I DON'T WANT to meet you!" Sometimes, blunt force trauma is the only thing some people will understand. :wink:


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chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:24 pm

Trigas wrote:
Continue being honest with them as to why it will not work out and try to cut contact if they keep pursuing?


I am trying to be, but I said where I live (or at least the cross-sections).


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chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:26 pm

Mammy wrote:
Ummmm....sounds like, with this guy, you're gonna HAVE to be harsh. Niceness obviously is not getting through to him. Try this: "I DON'T WANT to meet you!" Sometimes, blunt force trauma is the only thing some people will understand. :wink:


Hmmm, but I'm scared that if I am too blunt, he'll take it badly, and he knows the area where I live.*faceplam* My decisions. Ugh. I don't want some angry dude coming after me, :? 8O


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26 Jul 2011, 11:30 pm

*facepalm* indeed. Well always can hope for the best that he won't be a complete psychopath and stalk you... Yea hopefully he'll just get the "hint" and give up.



chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:32 pm

Trigas wrote:
*facepalm* indeed. Well always can hope for the best that he won't be a complete psychopath and stalk you... Yea hopefully he'll just get the "hint" and give up.


8O Crap, should I just go get a restraining order? He doesn't seem like a freaky guy, I mean he is Christian, but then again I'm not really good at judging people from their words.


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DarthRic
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26 Jul 2011, 11:33 pm

My advice is just tell him nicely "Look I don't want to be mean or anything since I'm sure you're nice but I'm not interested in meeting" or something similar to that effect, if he persists after that then just cut contact.
Just my two pence (Its pence not cents here I live in england dammit! :D)



chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:35 pm

DarthRic wrote:
My advice is just tell him nicely "Look I don't want to be mean or anything since I'm sure you're nice but I'm not interested in meeting" or something similar to that effect, if he persists after that then just cut contact.
Just my two pence (Its pence not cents here I live in england dammit! :D)


Read what I've already posted, its not that simple.


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26 Jul 2011, 11:35 pm

If you're afraid of him "coming after" you because he doesn't like what you have to say, then I would suggest you cut off all contact with him IMMEDIATELY. An element of fear is not desirable in ANY relationship; you don't need that sort of drama in your life. You're too long to have to start looking over your shoulder. 8O


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26 Jul 2011, 11:37 pm

chrissyrun wrote:
Trigas wrote:
*facepalm* indeed. Well always can hope for the best that he won't be a complete psychopath and stalk you... Yea hopefully he'll just get the "hint" and give up.


8O Crap, should I just go get a restraining order? He doesn't seem like a freaky guy, I mean he is Christian, but then again I'm not really good at judging people from their words.


Naw i wouldn't worry too too much. As long as your honest in your intentions people are generally accepting with little rebuttle... for the most part



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26 Jul 2011, 11:38 pm

Oops! Not too "long" - too young!


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chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:41 pm

Mammy wrote:
If you're afraid of him "coming after" you because he doesn't like what you have to say, then I would suggest you cut off all contact with him IMMEDIATELY. An element of fear is not desirable in ANY relationship; you don't need that sort of drama in your life. You're too young to have to start looking over your shoulder. 8O


But I disagree that course of action would resolve the situation. Because I'm friends with him on FB, if I just stopped being friends with him, he'd send me a ton of friend requests. And who knows if he'd find other ways to contact me.
'
(Oh, and caught the young, don't worry bout it)

Trigas wrote:
Naw i wouldn't worry too too much. As long as your honest in your intentions people are generally accepting with little rebuttle... for the most part


Ok, I just worry too much sometimes.


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DarthRic
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26 Jul 2011, 11:42 pm

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Last edited by DarthRic on 27 Jul 2011, 12:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

chrissyrun
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26 Jul 2011, 11:45 pm

DarthRic wrote:
chrissyrun wrote:
DarthRic wrote:
My advice is just tell him nicely "Look I don't want to be mean or anything since I'm sure you're nice but I'm not interested in meeting" or something similar to that effect, if he persists after that then just cut contact.
Just my two pence (Its pence not cents here I live in england dammit! :D)


Read what I've already posted, its not that simple.

I have read what you already posted, it douns't really change the situation much. If you cut contact and he actually goes to where you live then you can get a restraining order, if he dousn't then nothing. Either way you should probably just let him down easily (I don't know much about restraining orders and the like so correct me if I'm wrong people, I was under the impression you need a reason first before you can take one out)


Ok, then I probably will, but I feel bad for just cutting it off. Like it was a big misunderstanding. I'm always looking to expand my circle of friends, but some people either want dating or nothing I guess.


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JohnOldman
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26 Jul 2011, 11:45 pm

I don't think being harsh would make him act stalkerish. If he is a good guy then he probably needs the shock of a flat-out rejection to bring him back to his senses.

A restraining order would be necessary only if he makes threats... for example, that he will come and find you.