Possible Aspie's hello to the inhabitants of WrongpPlanet :D

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Hi! I'm 21 and event though I havent had a diagnosis yet, I am pretty sure I have Aspergers. A few weeks ago I didnt even know what aspergers is, I was completely oblivious to Autism and other disorders on the autism spectrum. About three weeks ago I was reading an article on Selective Mutism, which lead me onto Aspergers for further reading and understanding of the disorder. What I read and have been reading fervently since then hit me like a revelation does. It felt like I was reading a description of myself. I was a bit taken aback. I used to think that I was ret*d in a perverted way, that I completely sucked in the world of socializing, that I was completely alone and would probably end up dying alone too. I frequently wanted to put myself into a box, seal it from the outside and throw it into the deep sea. To finally know that I am not ret*d, that I am who I am because I have to be that way, nothing can change and that I shouldnt feel guilty about it; was like having a bucket of relief being poured onto me head first and all the misery washed out draining through my feet. The best thing was realizing that I am not alone.

Even though Aspergers Syndrome is supposed to get better with age as one learns to cope with the social world, I personally feel that my aspergers has gotten worse over time. A few years back, I wouldnt have been so adamant on trying to figure out why I am anti-social as back then I thought it was because of the conservative and overprotective nature of my family towards its female members. I always thought that I'd grow out of it when I'd go to college. Now in my Senior year I look back and realize that the three years I have spent at college, and the numerous opportunities I had to socialize, I still sucked at it. What is even worse is that I suck even more at it now then I did back when I was a Freshman. Apart from that other stuff like not being able to stay attentive in classes for the last two semseters for no apparant reason at all but surprisingly still staying on top of the class (I did however did poorly in certain subjects where facts need to be memorized), pursuing one interest after another with great passion and fervor, getting obsessed about certain things, keeping to myself, getting completely detached from the rest of the world, having frequent meltdowns and being labelled as pompous ass by people who I thought were close to me over reasons I didnt know could exist; were getting more frequent and more obvious. I would find myself getting worried about why I was not worried about certain things that NTs get really stressed about, why I had to be so damned different that no one would understand me and my actions. I would spend hours sulking and loathing myself.

21 years of my life I spent in oblivion, 21 years I didnt think that nothing was wrong with me and now I know that I am perfect for who I am supposed to be. Now that I have just let it all out I feel so much better. Its like I finally know and have explained myself to the world. I will probably be posting frequently from now on, as I know that what I say will be understood by like-minded people (which almost never happens to me).

Welcome to WrongPlanet, Farms!

I can't usually keep concentration so long to read a message of this length but I like how you wrote it.
Hope you enjoy your stay here

Welcome to WP!

the way you described how you felt before and after you knew you're an aspie remind me of myself... you're lucky to have learned it at 21. i learned at 45. don't you wish you'd known earlier, as a child? the younger you are, the more you can change your self esteem.
i'm happy for you to have learned it and glad you found this forum. it's an awsome and slightly addictive forum.

Welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP.

Welkome to WrongPlanet.

The WP Kink

To WrongPlanet!! !

A lot of this feels like I'm reading a description of myself! This is so cool

It's amazing what you can learn in college, isn't it? Even if you get the subject matter in your classes, the social aspect can throw you for a loop (right phrase?) no matter how "normal" you thought you were beforehand...

Hi Farms. I find it interesting on your description of feeling like your Asperger's has gotten worse over time. I am waiting to be officially diagnosed, but I am pretty sure that I too have Asperger's. I wish I had been younger and found out. I am now 43 and just starting to learn about myself. I too feel like I am getting more socially ackward as oppose to when I was younger. I use to hide in a false identify of being the shy kid. Now I struggle in a lot of daily activities particularly when I have to function in group situations. That is my current job and I hate what I do. I am currently looking for something else, but this poses as difficult because most jobs have a high social aspect. It seems I am living in an area where socialization is expected. I am thankful that you were so open about your experience. I have a daughter too who has been diagnoses with Pervasive Developmental Disability. I am learning with her as to what this means for us now. I look forward to hearing more about your experiences. So keep on posting.

Thanks,
Avidreader