What on earth is going on.....need some advice please

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Sorry to ask so many questions, but I am still vey new to all of this asd!
My son, aged 7yr has had this preoccupation with grusome things the last few monts, but since yesterday it got worse.....I really don t know what to make of it or how to handle it....at the moment I know I am handling it totally wrong!
Since yesterday he insists that I buy him shirts with sculls on it, with fire coming out of the eyes, claws tearing out of the sculls mouth, ect. He insisted to wear a shirt with a satanist symbol on it , but I refused because we are christians, this caused a very hostile reaction from him....He keeps on talking about the dead, wants to see dead bodies, visiting a grave yard. Tonight he draw me a picture of him shooting two other guys...with plenty of aggression and blood...said that s the way he feels. He tare it up later and said he felt bettter.
Is this strange thoughts and obsessional thinking part of aspie or depression or frustration or what?
thanx

My suggestion would be to consult a psychologist. Violent behaviors and obsessions pertaining to violent acts can be very dangerous. When the lines between right and wrong start to blur and violence becomes an obsession the person becomes more dangerous and might act out in manners that are harmful or unacceptable. I say take your child in to receive counseling.

I totally agree with ACerulean. You need to get professional help before things get out of control. My Aspie daughter got obsessed with death too, but she was only obsessed with what happened afterwards and was scared thinking we (mom and dad) were going to die some day. Your kid's obsession may come from abuse you are unaware off, maybe at school or some other place, so he needs to talk about it with someone, and unfortunately our kids will not talk to us. I do not see anything wrong in getting him some skull Ts in the meantime. Maybe that will calm him down a litle bit.

While I won't say that you shouldn't consult a professional, I will also say that this isn't abnormal boy behavior. I don't think it necessarily will blur the difference between right and wrong.

I have known many boys who love the greusome. Some think it is their way of mastering their fears. I don't know, but I wouldn't freak out or make too much out of it.

I would say that it's OK for you to say, "I don't like x in my space", for whatever issue you find really too much. For us there are a few video games that I just don't want in my house. period. Otherwise, tell him to save up his money to buy stuff that he likes. I say things like...

"My clothing budget is for the clothes you wear to school and, I don't have extra money planned for skull clothes. If you want them, you will have to save up." The therapist DS used to see encouraged us to delay the obsessions as best as possible, and saving up worked most of the time.

Good luck! BTW - I preferred the skull obsession to the pro wrestling obsession. I really hated that one!

I use to be into that dark stuff too, but NEVER again! It scares me now! Now I have a fear of death and I don`t want it to happen! I just found something that made me happy and got me farrrrrr away from the dark world I was living in!

Does he show signs of acting on this interest? Increased aggressive behavior, specific realistic plans for things he could do, etc? Or does he seem unhappy a lot of the time (and not just when you complain about his interest)?

I'm a very compassionate and caring person, who likes reading about killers and supernatural monsters. One of my favorite songs, Be My Friend by One-Eyed Doll, is from the perspective of a serial killer who doesn't get why someone would be mad at her for wearing human skin. But I rescue spiders caught in my bathtub, volunteer with children, and try my best to make the world a better place. Fantasy doesn't necessarily translate into action. If you don't see the warning signs I mentioned above, I wouldn't worry about it.

Thank you all SO MUCH for all your input!
I must say there is a few other things that might also be playing a roll here.
He has this new best friend, who got this new gun shooting game....I stopped my son from playing violent games even watching Ben 10, because it seems as if he struggles to realize that Ben 10 facial expressions and behaviour is not appropriate in real life...he tends to mimic every expression and even repeat frazes of words that he hear in this grusome games, ect....having such a great memory, LOL!
So I was thinking to chat to this kids mom and ask her to not let them play that game or watch that kind of movies....unfortunately this child has a tv in his room....so the supervision isn t all that great!
My son also said that the 2 guys who he draw is boys at achool who bullies him, but then changed his story to some one in our streets who hides in bushes, wanting to hurt him....maybe u are right....some fear going on....We ve been through the bully thing so often, because he misinterpret childrens words and is touch sensitive!
Regarding therapy....he is on antidepressants for anxiety and mayby depression.....with good effect. He did act out the aggressive behaviour before....but luckily saw the effect and realized that it is pretty stupid to cut the door with a knive and talk about cutting peoples throats! he saw a psycholigist few months ago who did pick up alot of anger and darkness, but only referred him to psychiatrist....I will ask her when we see her the end of month again.
Must say my son was very aggitated, anxious and stressed on Monday before and after talking about all this...he had to go and see the pdoc. He was even crying alot that night and almost on the edge of a emosional meltdown...
Thanx for letting me know that sculls and stuff is not so bad! My son is very into scateboarding at present and talks and practice for hours....he saw this shirts being worn by scateboarders and that actually why he wants it...he has 1 or 2 shirts that he wears everyday and get very emotional if its dirty, I even went and bought 2 of the same....lol!

That's the ticket!

You are right to keep a close eye on his behavior and to try to make connections between new behaviors and other things going on his life. I found it interesting what you said that he tore up the picture after he drew it and said he felt better. I think many adults do a similar thing, write an angry email then delete it without sending it. It sure makes me feel better when I do it.

I think it is so hard to strike a balance when it comes to behavior that concerns us. This is a good place to come to bounce your ideas off other people and see if you need a reality check!

I disagree with everyone who has just posted. There should be nothing wrong with your son and what he does. Just because you're Christian, I think a child has every right to choose what they want to believe. And you don't have the right to make those decisions. I too was into gruesome dark stuff, actually still am. But look at me, I am becoming a horror writer. I love the dark and ethereal mysterious things. Skulls and claws. Gruesome wicked things like souls burning up.
Instead of trying to stop him from "violent" behavior. Encourage it in a creative way. If he draws pictures, who knows he could become the next Albert Francis "Al" Simmons/Jim Downing who created the Spawn comics. And Spawn is bloody and gruesome and has all the hell in the world. Fire and skulls. Or he may become the next Stephen King. Do not destroy his imagination. And sense of wonder for more somber things. You may not agree with it, but there are those individuals who like the dark side of things. muahahahaa. Evil laugh there to add a bit of humor. I think it's unfair to dampen his imagination because of you're views.

He is just attracted to those things because he thinks they are cool since they are taboo in your family and your reaction to them makes them all the more interesting for him.

I'd probably let him wear the shirts with the skulls and such and let him explorer his gothic/punk fascinations but I'd keep it relatively age appropriate and I'd be sure to explain to him that there is make believe and real life and in real life, everyone who has died had someone who loved them and who is sad they are gone. I'd be sure he knew the difference between real and make believe.

Pandora box....You know what...I agree and disagree with you.
I agree that I have to stop being so overly sensitive...I'm trying hard working on it...always been this way!
I agree that I can't be judgemental....but how I see it is that he is still very young and is still developing his own values and ideas...As a parent I think I do need to guide him to gain info about the different aspects of religion....That being said I do think he is still to young to just be left to deside for himself.
The thing is....he has friends who's parents won't be happy if he wear satanic shirts and playing with their kids...I don't want him to be judged or left out because he doesn't know why. I agree when he is older....he can choose for himself, but then he will also be able to defend for himself.
We went together today and baught nice shirts....one Bad Boy...2 with electric quitars and yes you have guest it...one with a scull...but one that I thought was age appropriate and we both liked! He is very excited and already is wearing it!! !!

Pandora makes a good point. Ask him about his drawings, calmly. Show an interest. Ask him if drawing relaxes him. Are there other things you like to draw too.

Keep a watchful eye on him though. If you are concerned, you very well might want to talk to a psychologist or something. Do you take an interest in his friends? Ask your kid to invite them over. Does your son have video games?

Dont have a total change all at once though. This would be odd behaviour. But, take an interest in what he's doing. Learn more by being a friend first.

If you are concerned, then go by your instinct. Go get help if you think he needs it. You are the best judge. And although it could raise some challenges for you, it could be the lesser of challenges than if you don't do anything.

Once again, you're making choices for him based on your fear of being judged by others.

I am going to be a little open and honest here. In middle school, I was like your son a bit. One day the counselors of the school talked to me. And I talked about my usual secret darkside. They sent me to mental instutition. I had to talk to a therapist at a hospital first who then recommended to send me to a mental ward. I was shipped off that very day to the mental ward. Did it ever help me? No. Was I ever expecting it to? No. It doesn't stop someone from thinking a certain way. It only teaches them how to hide it better.

I am not a violent person. I am not a crazy person. No one seemed to recognize this fact. I only thought it was fascinating and interesting.

But I was never allowed to be who I was. Because of the judgments of both my family [my mother mostly] and because of the judgments of other people. I don't tell anyone a damn thing about my secret darkside. I just write it in my horror novels. I have only learned to hide it better. To hide from people who do not accept me for who I am.

If you take the course of action you're taking, if you stare at him in fear, if you think he is crazy and violent. Then he'll simply hide it from you the moment you take action.

Also another note, he might be pulling out all this satanic stuff because he's rebelling. No kid wants to be forced into a religion. I don't care if you don't think a 7 year old has a mind and a though of his own, but I do. I have babysitted. And I even know at that age that I had thoughts and personal feelings. My grandmother tried to make me and at some point my little brothers Christian/Catholic excuse me. As 7 year old, that wasn't what I wanted. Someone was making the choice for me.

He doesn't have recourse in what he believes "family is only Christian and you have to be Christian" he doesn't have recourse in that department. When you have no recourse you take it out in other ways that you do have recourse.

I think a child can be allowed to be themselves and learn how to present in public so as not to offend at the same time. My son is quite capable of processing that I am prefer not to see some of his Warhammer figures, for example, because, to me, they are too violent. But no one is stopping him from owning them.

The T-shirts purchased sound like a good compromise.

My daughter was extremely, disturbingly (to me) morbid from ages 5 to 7 or so. And then she wasn't. For some kids it is a phase; for others it is a harmless interest; for others it is something to be concerned about. I have no idea how to tell the difference except to say wait and see where it goes, what they do with it, and if it seems to negatively affect their actions.

Pandora's Box, I am sorry to hear you've had such difficult experiences. If a parent should teach anything, it is probably, "don't tell that to someone who doesn't already know what a good person you are." Learning what dark sides of ourselves to share, and what to keep to ourselves, is a life skill.

I get dejected when my daughter doesn't want to wear the cute girly pirate skull shirt I bought for her... She tends to not like dark stuff and that is perfectly fine.

I, on the other hand, have always been into the darker stuff and still am. I grew up in a Catholic family who often expressed concern for my darker interests. Really, I appreciated their concern for my soul but at about 9, I figured out that Catholicism just wasn't for me. I saw too many inconsistencies and when I questioned them, I was punished with lower grades because 'my faith wasn't strong enough'.

Most retail outlets with young boys clothes feature this type of imagery because it is in, it is cool and quite honestly, most kids do NOT place a whole lot of meaning into this imagery. Curiosity about death and what comes after is as natural as questioning sex. An Aspie may not have the restraint to voice those questions or interests into something - acceptable - that doesn't worry everyone that he is a psycho killer in the making. And if he is confused and feeling ganged up on for these interests that just may be a sure sign that is what is happening. Once he asks himself those questions - if it interests him - he will delve into it much deeper and in more detail than more squeamish members of the family may have the stomach for.

If he is withdrawing, stops doing things he likes to do, stops hanging with his friends, his grades drop, he acts out - those are all warning signs when accompanied by dark drawings. Dark drawings, a preference for 1st person shooter games and skull tshirts just makes him a normal boy. His first explanation - that the shooting picture was in response to his frustration about his bullies, sounds like it is probably the correct one to me. I think maybe he may have picked up your nervousness and changed his story in order to give you the answer you would rather have. You and his psychologist could work with him and help him identify and express those feelings in a manner that won't set off warning bells with the school councelors and the local police. He's expressing himself through drawings. That's a good thing in general. But extremely misunderstood when it comes to the more touchy emotions - anger, frustration, hate, distrust.

I'm no doctor but as a 'darksider' myself I sort of know where he is coming from. He may grow out of it - he may not. As long as he has a healthy perspective about it, it is no more dangerous than any other interest he may have. You may have a genius coroner or CSI agent on your hands someday!

Its been documented (atwood, complete guide) that aspies may devolip a dark or morbid special interest as a way of dealing with their feelings and fears.

Sometimes we wrestle with these things by trying to understand them from the inside out. It's not unlikely that he's interisted in these things because they scare him or because of some heavy emotional turmoil that he may be dealing with. Moreover, if he's forced to hide it always, he may loose his outlet and no longer be able to deal with stressors in his life he was doing fine with before.

I wouldn't worry about it so much. If you want to redirect you could bring up soloman and mention that he was said to control the dark forces of creation through his wisdom and his selfless faith in God.

Knee jerk reactions never worked with me, I know. But I think that if you move past the surface, this may be allowing him to grow as a person - and with wisdom and understanding it could even be a springboard from which a true faith can spring.