How do you talk to someone for the first time?

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rpcarnell
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04 Aug 2011, 12:33 am

This one always bothers me. Sometimes, when I speak to a stranger, I always get the feeling that I am saying something people always say to start a conversation, "Don't I know you from somewhere?", or something that is too creepy, or extrovert, like, "Those bags you are carrying, what supermarket are they from?" <--I almost said this to a girl in front of me. Perhaps it is a good thing I didn't.

Thing is, it is hard to speak to strangers unless they have somethng in common with you, like they are in the same class, or work or live in the same building.



Melinda7879
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04 Aug 2011, 12:45 am

In general I don't talk to strangers. It's so uncomfortable; I end up feeling really self-conscious. I'm somewhat better speaking to someone for the first time, if I know in advance that I'm meeting them, but even then I plan in advance what I'm going to say.



auntblabby
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04 Aug 2011, 12:46 am

i can't speak with anybody unless i have some definite business with them, or unless they initiate a conversation with me.



rpcarnell
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04 Aug 2011, 12:56 am

Same here. Every time I try speaking to someone I don't know, I usually get a frown, and I have to say "Never Mind." I guess I am kind of a creep.



LostUndergrad9090
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04 Aug 2011, 1:00 am

same. I'd rather not start one.



auntblabby
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04 Aug 2011, 1:01 am

rpcarnell wrote:
Same here. Every time I try speaking to someone I don't know, I usually get a frown, and I have to say "Never Mind." I guess I am kind of a creep.


join the club, bro :neutral:
at least being a hermit saves me from further mortifying experiences like that.



Artros
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04 Aug 2011, 2:23 am

I try to have a question for that person which he/she can answer and thus opens a conversation. Usually something pertaining to what we're doing. For example, a week or two I walked on a glacier and I managed to start a conversation with the guide by asking her about the glacier, her work, the trail etc. It had the added advantage of satisfying my desire for information.

Generally, though, I wait for strangers to initiate conversation.


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nick007
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04 Aug 2011, 4:09 am

I let strangers talk to me 1st & I answer their questions if they ask me any & I may ask them questions if I can think of some that are relevant to the conversation. I notice I'm a lot better at talking to old people & tweens than people in their 20s &30s for some rezone; maybe cuz their more likely to approach & talk to me more


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04 Aug 2011, 1:07 pm

I'm at a loss, too-
I recently commented on a thread here where people were marvelling over/questioning others truly not having any friends,
among them a person saying that it was easy, to just pursue it out of an already-existing acquaintance. I guess for people who have acquaintances or people with whom they already have conversations regularly, a real social isolate would seem hard to fathom.I have no clue how it'd work if you were interested in something more than platonic...or, for that matter, how you *could* be interested in someone you know nothing about. :shrug:


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04 Aug 2011, 1:29 pm

rpcarnell wrote:
Same here. Every time I try speaking to someone I don't know, I usually get a frown, and I have to say "Never Mind." I guess I am kind of a creep.


For me, it is much easier to talk to someone from a dating site. At least there, you have some idea of what you and the other person have in common, and you can converse about that...

I'd have no clue what to say to some random person I met in real life!


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ValentineWiggin
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04 Aug 2011, 2:03 pm

GoonSquad wrote:
rpcarnell wrote:
Same here. Every time I try speaking to someone I don't know, I usually get a frown, and I have to say "Never Mind." I guess I am kind of a creep.


For me, it is much easier to talk to someone from a dating site. At least there, you have some idea of what you and the other person have in common, and you can converse about that...

I'd have no clue what to say to some random person I met in real life!


'Zactly.


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04 Aug 2011, 7:27 pm

Quote:
How do you talk to someone for the first time?


Very, very, awkwardly, and I definitely won't be chatting them up, because

Quote:
fathom.I have no clue (...) how you *could* be interested in someone you know nothing about.


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04 Aug 2011, 7:44 pm

auntblabby wrote:
i can't speak with anybody unless i have some definite business with them, or unless they initiate a conversation with me.


This^

...and the conversations people initiate with me are very short when they don't see any of the nonverbal/social cues they usually see.

This used to bother me a lot, but the older I get, the less I care...



arondight
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04 Aug 2011, 9:37 pm

I try to make a witty remark about the situation (such as waiting in line at the dmv) mostly its an epic fail but hey, its better than staring, right?


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rpcarnell
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04 Aug 2011, 9:41 pm

Same thing happens here. A witty remark is ignored, but that's usually because most people aren't exactly good conversationalists either.



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05 Aug 2011, 9:52 am

sometimes i do talk to strangers if i feel like it.

recently, i went to a food festival thing in my city that was hosted by local restaurants. it was mostly rained out and my friends ditched me, so i went by myself. i had my food and wanted a beer so i went into the beer gardens (under a patio umbrella, of course)... and i was the ONLY person there (empty seating for 250). so anytime anybody came into the gardens there was a perfect opening to casually talk to them.... about the weather, the beer, the empty gardens, whatever. yes, i probably came across like a lonely nut, but who cares?

i gotta say, though... now rub your eyes 'cause you're not gonna believe i just said this... it's easier for me to talk to strangers because i am female. basically, i am less likely to be treated like a creepypants.


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