Told today at work, 'You never smile...'

Post Reply New Topic

I've worked in trucking most of my working career, that is when I've been able to find and keep employment. I have worked at 15 jobs in 20 years, mostly in trucking. I'm currently working as a truck dispatcher, a loveless job where everyone hates you. The truck drivers hate you, the sales people hate you, the customers hate you; essentially a job nobody wants to do, but I'm good at it. I'm good at making decisions and working out comprimises.

I'm a visual thinker, like Temple Grandin. I only have to be at a place once and I can see in my mind's eye. Which means I'm great for giving driving directions, ect. I've also got a great memory for details.

Today a 20 something year old kid, who works with his truck driver dad came in and said to me; 'You never smile, I have never seen you smiling or happy. At best you appear neutral, you've got to change that'. I replied that if I haven't got the happy go lucky personality by age 40, then I likely never will have. He replied, 'But anyone can change...'.

I didn't go into details about my disability of aspergers, my life hardships, ect, ect. I though to myself that I try to break even with my mood every day. Its usually the best I can hope for.

Is anyone here on this site that is really, really happy? Is anyone here that knows the apparent secret that 'NT's' have for being happy and smiling most of the time?? I work with people who have even more stressful jobs than I have, that are forever smiling, joking and having fun. I literally do not know how they do it?

I have my interests. I have a family and kids. I go out, I drive, I have a home and a career, some would call this success for someone with Aspergers. They want me to be more of a 'teamplayer' at work, that's something I've do have difficulties with. Giddy I'm not. How do Aspie's have fun??

Anyone have any suggestions about his question: 'But anyone can change...'

Response: Why?

I have learned to smile and be friendly, I work with the public all day. It's a strain, and it took a lot of work to get used to it. It helps that I am in a position where I know how to do it, and people ask me for help. But I have had to analyze what behaviors appear friendly and non-judgmental (some people just don't know anything! I have also had to learn to be patient and take my time to make sure people understand, to avoid repetition. Now most of my customers think I am friendly, helpful, and always in a good mood!

You don't have that kind of job. A scowling curmudgeon could be successful, and you don't sound like you are that. I think that young man intended that you could enjoy your life more and be easier for NTs to be around.

I'm not sure what they mean there by "team player". Are they really talking about being more social, or about the give and take as far as work duties and being flexible?



I'm pretty sure a lot of that is fake.

I have been looking for that constant happiness for a long time now. Most of my happiness comes through having a purpose in life, doing what I love and being successful. Most of the time I'm able to get two of those things but one day I hope to achieve all three I think NTs fake being happy all the time though as if to put a show on for the rest of the crowd....

Give it up. He's 20. He knows everything.

This is a perfect example of NT thinking. They seem to be certain that if you aren't like them, you're somehow broken. I'm the exact same way. While I am capable of being happy, the fact is that most of the time I am not. It's not that I'm unhappy, I'm just neutral. And there's nothing wrong with that. Though as it's been said already, don't bother trying to convince him. He's 20.

I tell people I have constant jaw pain.

If it's someone that knows me better, and knows a little about me, like family trying to give their medical opinion, I tell them that I will inform my neurologist about their expert opinions because I am sure he would like to know where he's lacking.

Oh great excuse! I sometimes tell them I have problems with muscle tone (which is not a lie), but I enjoy my work non-theless. Now I just made it a habit to tell the supervisor I was happy with the work done and happy with the results, that seems to satisfy him.

Yep, something like that!

I used to drive a cab, and then I also did some dispatching there ... and sometimes there is just nothing going on to even think about smiling about even if I actually could! Nevertheless, I *have* since learned to at least *try* to hear or to perceive at least some things as other people see them ... and to then at least try to occasionally join in on a brief chuckle or two. In many cases, however, other people's chuckles are typically at the expense of still others ... and I find that reprehensible.

LOL I agree. I don't think you should take it to heart as much as you have done.
In my opinion the 20 year old should be given a talking to about making personal remarks to a superior. I know lots of people who may or may not be NT/AS who walk about with a face like a slapped bum all the time and I don't see fit to interrogate them all about their facial expressions! LOL
Try to forget about it.

Well first I respect you. I drove truck for only just over 2 years and I quit. The regulations and hours of service rules are just crazy so I switched to Expedite Van.

Anyway what does some 20 year old know? Can they comprehend what it's like to roll down the interstate for 11 hours a day? I've been thinking about this effect on myself actually and what it would be like if I ever went after more of a team job environment. Driving is a long routine. I might occasionally chuckle at some comment on talk radio or at something crazy I saw in traffic but that's it. Otherwise it's usually lots of music and coffee while getting those miles.

Combine something like Aspergers with all that time alone in the truck and it's a challenge not to let it erode whatever social skills you have. This even goes for NT truckers I think, though instead of becoming quieter some of them just become major as*holes. Or rather instead of turning Un-Social some NTs seem more likely to turn Anti-Social know-it-alls.

Anyway with this economy and the fuel prices is there much to smile about in the trucking industry? I don't think so.

I rarely feel "happy". I hate when people tell me to smile more. I CANNOT SMILE INSINCERELY.

Some people are unreasonable, I'd tell him where to go if I wasnt afraid to get fired. I'm alright at keeping my mouth shut until the breaking point and then I just have to get away.

The 20year old may also have been confused about what happiness actually is.
I remembered an article I read a few days ago, shame it's the Daily Mail, but never mind!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/ ... -ways.html

NTs are just as miserable and down and floundering as anyone else. They don't have anything special on us and I doubt that many people are truly happy. And about not smiling, your job is stressful and focused. Switch places with that happy-go-lucky twenty-something guy and his dad and see how they fare. Maybe this is one of your characteristics as someone with Aspergers, but it seems much more job specific than anything else. The trucking industry is a tough one. Someone I briefly knew last year told me that he was the only happy guy at his company. Everyone else was grumpy and unhappy. He was even teased for always smiling and having a spring in his step, if you can believe that. But can you change? It's definitely possible with something like this, but is it necessary? I'm not so sure.

Sounds like a Morning Person.

Tell him that if he can do or say something to make you happy and smile, then you will smile more and be happy, and that he at least will know that it will be genuine, rather than the fake ones he sees on most other people's faces.

yeah i think i know. NT's without mental health issues go through life forgetting all the bad stuff that happens to them. Also NT's without mental health problems think they are better (at what ever they value, not necessarily I.Q.) than average. This combined with the fact that the less talent you have for something, the better at it you think you are (this is not anecdotal evidence, they actually studied this).

So if you have had a happy life, and you are smarter and better at your job than most people, why wouldn't you be smiling? It is just a coping mechanism of the healthy brain so we can actually accomplish things in life. It is why homosapeans are so great as a species. A million of us think we are better than we are and because we are all trying, one of us flukes it and discover something that enriches the lives of the whole species, like electricity etc. i think i am on a rant now and nobody is going to understand me.