Disclosure to Boss

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I have a new manager and I am struggling with his style of work and management. Everything is chaotic, he makes mistakes and contradicts himself and I get the blame. I'm finding it very difficult and am struggling to cope with the change too.

My job used to be very systematic, now it is chaotic and unpredictable.

Should I tell him I am an Aspie? (my old line manager knew as do other people in the leadership of the organisation)

Should I tell him I'm finding it difficult?

I don't know what to do or how to say it.

If anyone who knows you are an Aspie is still there and interacts with the new boss more than 2x a day, then trust me, he already knows. That's the sort of thing people will shove each other over to get to tell the new boss.

If you already "came out" I would have suggested to sit down with the new boss pronto to proactively avoid misunderstandings. However, it sounds like the new manager has already been there for a while. This is just my personal opinion, but from what you wrote I believe he has already had enough time at this point to form a pretty solid opinion of you. At this point, anything along the lines of "I know I've been having some trouble adjusting" or " I need structure, and consistency, and this and that"---"cause in case no one told you, I have Asperger's which makes it hard to do this or that" will sound like an excuse. At the very least they will start making a mental list of accommodations you need and things you "can't do," which is not the constructive sort of thing you want at all.

As long as the boss is criticizing your work and not something absolutely specific to Aspergers like, say, how much he enjoys your company at lunch or a certain lack of charisma in meetings, I would keep it out of it. Absolutely do address your concerns with the new boss's "style," but do it like you'd expect anyone else to. Believe it or not, new management is hard for everyone. Again, do speak up now or you will regret it; if you don't he will see it as a lack of effort to improve job performance=a lack of interest in your job.

What you should do, though, is take a different approach. Go in one day and ask him how he's doing, how about his favorite football team winning blah blah, loosen him up a bit. Then sit down and say you have some concerns you'd like to talk about. If he give the go-ahead, explain you feel like you spent a long time working under the same manager and were proud of the job you did in the past. But now you feel like maybe your performance hasn't been as good lately as you would like. Say you'd like him to outline more clear expectations under his new management. Ask for more clear instructions when he gives you an assignment, just for new few weeks so you can get on the same page. Don't remind him of any of those specific times he changed his mind/told you the wrong thing and then blamed you. He'll just feel like he's being attacked. Just list vague "concerns" , calmly. After this meeting, from time to time pop-in to ask a specific "what-if" scenarios for things you deal with frequently to learn his "style", ask if you handled a particular situations correctly, suggest an office-wide meeting, etc.

As the new guy with a position of rank, he may be not be willing to admit his mistakes or that he doesn't know how everything runs. Instead of just going about your business, once he gives you a task check with him how to do it. Say something like "I was thinking it would be good if I carried out <some task> like this <the way you've always done it a million times>. What do you think? " He'll feel like he's "managing" the way he's supposed to, and also feel more obliged to be supportive if anything goes wrong as he had some "input" in the decision. Don't overdo it though, of course, to the point where he thinks you don't know how to do your job. This is most effective for tasks you know how to handle very well, but know very well he has no clue about (so he knows how good you are , hindsight being 20/20 and all).

The exception, again, is if he calls you in and says he has noticed some "issues" with you that seem to be directely related to social misunderstandings/ missed cues and not job performance. Then, be sincere and calm. Say you didn't realize the problem and if he'd make you aware you'd do your best to work things out. Even then, I have done this without ever mentioning Aspergers when a supervisor reported me for being "disrespectful" and it worked just fine. (I actually implied very apologetically he was much looser with male coworkers, and with me being the only female and around the same age as him I didn't realize there was a problem. The manager ended up apologizing to me. hehe.) Blaming a different work "culture" than you are used to is also effective (corporate office vs small startup, academia vs for-profit, etc, old laid-back boss vs profit-driven, ect).

*Disclaimer: Some managers never really learned how to be managers. So their "style" is to simply point out all their underlings mistakes, and crack the whip a bit. If your boss doesn't know how to mouth the words "good job" I wouldn't worry about it unless he writes you up or has a closed-door meeting with you. I'd take a smaller tally of verbal assaults than coworkers as good enough, and a complete lack of input on a completed task as a sign the @#$ couldn't find anything wrong with it, and the mark of a job well done. Ironically, these sorts may be a little easier to deal with in ""hard" communication like emails; ask for final approval of things and recommendations, forcing an admittal of decent work.

I think things might get better, he said he is aware that he needs to slow down and that I should always feel free to challenge him if things don't make sense.

I don't know if anyone has said anything to him or if he's just noticed I was struggling.