Going Off to College

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I am 26 years old, will be 27 in January. I will be going off to college in January. But I am worried about how a social life will be affected by being an Aspie, as well as being a few years older than the traditional college student.

If anyone has advice on this matter, that would be great.

Tim

Congratulations! I hope you really enjoy it.
I wouldn't worry about your age - nowadays there are students from 18 (or younger) to 80 (or older) going to college together.
As far as the social side, I guess that depends on the school, and what you want. The good thing about college is that there are lots of places to fit in or ways to avoid others if you want. Have you had any social skills training? If not, I'd read a few books about social interaction, like "How to Win Friends and Influence People." You may not agree with everything you read, but you may pick-up a few ideas. And if you start feeling down, seek out a friend or the school counselor. Everybody gets down sometimes, and everybody needs someone to talk to once in a while.
Best wishes!

I will likely be moving to Idaho (I was accepted to Boise State), and all my friends are here in Houston. I might need help on making new friends, and if necessary, how a prospective mate would tolerate a slightly older college student (and the limited employment that results).

Tim

I went to college at 23 and left at 26. My guess your age want be a major factor in
finding a date. Hell lie and say your 21 (women lie dont they! hahahhahahahaha)

I am basing the age issue on the results I found by browsing personal ads. The traditional college students are not willing to date anyone older than 23, and the women that are close to my age are only looking for people with full-time jobs that pay a certain amount of money (almost to imply that if you get a college degree, then you will get it when you're 22 and not later).

I am worried that the only type of woman who will tolerate me going to school at a later age and temporary unemployment is another Aspie, and finding one of those is nearly impossible.

Tim

Good luck!

girls go for older guys all the time

I remember when I went to college. It was a bigger disaster than if a hurricane, earthquake, volcano eruption, and giant meteor impact all happened on the same day.

Of course, I don't mean to frighten you. In my case, I went to college never having learned to drive, withdraw or deposit money into a bank account, or motivate myself to get out of bed. I had also never owned a set of keys, and, before I went to college, if something fell out of my pocket, it was usually something replaceable. I also had to learn to live with a roommate and maintain good hygiene habits. Worst of all, instead of being able to go to a kitchen any time I wanted, I had to eat in the cafeteria at specified times, something I never got the hang of.

Hopefully, since you're older than me, and just barely on the Autism spectrum, you'll do a lot better than I did. Just make sure you wake up for your classes.

I read on a college website yesterday that 50% of US college students now are over 25. So I guess the people in the personal ads are not a representative sample!

I am worried that I will never meet anyone. Finding an Aspie woman is virtually impossible, and the few NT women I talk to are people I hear from every day for about two weeks, and then I never hear from them again.

No one wants to see the real me, and I am worried that I will have to pretend to be somebody else in order to attract people.

Tim

I don't think you should worry about girls in their early twenties finding you too old. A lot of girls I know in that age group have no problem dating guys in their thirties, even. And as you are an Aspie, the kind of girl that would fall for you would be someone wanting to make an effort to know the real you - somehow I'm not sure whether the employment situation would be a hindrance.

Finding another Aspie in and of itself may not be that difficult, but finding one who either lives near the college I intend to go to, or one who is willing to do a long-distance relationship is what will be a problem.

Tim

My personal philosophy:

Be yourself, whatever it is. Never "put on a show" to impress NTs.

There are NTs who are tolerant of aspie behavior. I know a few, and have stayed friends with some of them for a while now.

I am dating an (very likely) aspie woman right now... though things really haven't progressed much yet (to the point that I wonder if she's interested).

Though I'd still recommend you don't give up on NTs. Tolerant ones can be very nice to be around.

And the issue of "the real me" is why I'd recommend you try to become friends with them first. If they know "the real you" and still like you, then you should try to start going out with them. IMO, this tolerance is really the core of any relationship that I'd want to be a part of.

Just don't move too quickly (moving immediately or in the first few days could cause a repeat of "hear from every day for two weeks"), or two slowly (if you're interested in someone, try to ask them out no more than a month after you know them).

I personally don't know what kind of woman would be right for me.

Tim

You sound like me. I went back to school after a run in the military and some bank work so I was a bit older than others and I guess I was aspie though didn't know it. As for dating another aspie, that may be difficult since we're pretty rare unless you go to an aspie support group or something. There are a lot of student groups for different interests so I suggest you find one or two that interest you and meet people that way. Most of my friends were met in just such a manner, first in D&D and RPG groups and secondly in gay activism groups.