4th Grade 'No Excuses" List

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Today was my daughters second day of school. She brought this home with her today.

4th Grade "No Excuses" List
The following items will be checked on all of yuor papers, and there wil lbe NO EXCUSE for forgetting them.*

All headings must be on papers.
Start every sentence with a capital letter.
End every sentence with an ending mark. (I assume she means punctuation...)
If a word is on the worksheet, it should be spelled correctly.
Answer every question in a complete sentence.
*Failure to do so could result in the loss of recess.

My daughter is an Aspie with ADHD and a dx'd writing disability. She has an IEP. Her school councelor has also not bothered to forward that IEP to her 3rd grade teacher or her summer school teachers. I was of the mind to write her new teacher a note pointing out these IEP issues in relation to this list and request a meeting with her and my daughters special ed teacher to work out an apropriate plan. So we are all on the same page.

I showed all of this to a close family member and it turned into a big bruhaha.

I'm of the mind that taking recess away from a kid with executive function issues and a writing/ processing disability every time they misstep is excessive and destructive to self esteem. My daughter needs to be challenged but to punish her disabilites as an 'excuse' is abusive. The family member is of the mind that she needs to be held to the same expectations as her peers - she CAN do these things... when she WANTS to. She believes that I am coddling my child and giving her an excuse to not be held to the same standards as others. In essence, I am holding my child back and being overprotective.

I'd appreciate some outside opinions. This whole thing has left me drained.

Welcome to the Dark Ages, where teachers can punish students for any failure, even if it is the direct effect of a disability.

The idea is that a teacher can eventually humiliate a disabled student into wholeness, wellness, and normalcy, or drive them away so that the teacher no longer has to waste his or her valuable teaching skills on them.

I agree with you draelynn. I think you need to discuss the IEP with the teacher and get this sorted out asap.

As for your family member, I would say "FAIR does not mean EQUAL". It is not a matter of conformity at this point, it is a matter of self preservation and making sure your child's needs are being met without punishing her for her very real areas of difficulty. I think any time someone tries to draw a line in the sand saying essentially "it's my way or the highway" they are asking for trouble. The real world doesn't work like that, and schools shouldn't either. How are our children (NT's included) supposed to learn acceptance of others without some latitude and flexibility!?!

I'm absolutely in your corner on this one.

cutiecrystalmom

I agree arranging an appointment with the teacher and learning support and going through your child's IEP would be good.

Maybe rather than them focusing on the fact if the list things are not completed and keeping your child in a recess that they could still help your child achieve some of things on this list. Maybe having a checklist on your child's desk listing some of those things that are possible would help your daughter to achieve success with some of these things. I understand that kids on the spectrum need to learn things like all kids but sometimes this is not possible for them to do to the same degree. At least having a checklist would be like a goal she could maybe reach rather than being punished for not getting her work done. My daughters teacher does keep her in sometimes for not getting any writing done but she is selective on what days she does this and monitors her anxiety and sensory issues. She seems to know when to push and when to back down and not worry about it.

I'm sorry that you did not get support from your family but maybe they struggle understanding AS or have some of their own issues (if you know what I mean).

Send this link to to your family. Since I've lurked for yhears but not posted, I can't post the link directly. But you can sure;y figure it out. It's an excellent article about how "trying" is different from "succeeding".

cactechassistance (dot) tripod (dot) com (slash) id14 (dot) hache tee em ell

It says that it could result in loss of recess, not that every time it will. I assume it'd be from an excessive nature.

But the whole thing makes me sad.

To be honest, when I was a kid this type of thing wasn't an issue because most kids had this down by the end of 3rd grade and I don't think it'a really unreasonable to expect most children to be able to master these basic skills.

I would be curious to know if the teacher uses the recess time to work with the children who are lagging in theses skills.

I would just work closely with your daughter on these things and have her keep the list next to her as she does work so she can go over it and check to make sure she didn't forget anything. She might even re-write it every time she does an assignment.

In the past parents didn't ask the school to go easy on their children who were not doing well academically for whatever reason. They worked with their children and hired tutors to get the child up to speed.

A) The teacher already seems antagonistic in phrasing this as "no excuses" so I wonder just how far you can get with communicating with her. Record every meeting and get legal help to demand that you daughter's counselor forwards her IEP.

B)The teacher is a nimrod if she looks at recess as a bargaining chip with students, particularly for a student with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Your daughter needs the opportunities she can get to learn social skills, not to be singled out and kept inside. And based on the health rates in this country, I don't think any child should be taken out of recess if not absolutely necessary.

C)Complete sentences? Ha! I have a degree in linguistics, and know that any one who has taken a course in syntax has struggled with whether something is a "sentence" or not. (A clause can be structurally defined, but as the beginning of this paragraph demonstrates, a literary sentence need not be even a clause.) So are these complete sentences as defined by MLA, Strunk & White, or whom? According to some style guidelines, "Yes." works as a complete sentence. So this largely gives the teacher an arbitrary measure to punish students she dislikes.



Yeah, learning disabilities could all be cured if we just tried harder. Why didn't we try that before? </snark>

Thank you all for weighing in. I did write the letter and, hopefully, will receive a response today.

theliteralgirl - thank you for the link. It is a good article for helping the totally clueless get a grip. Overnight, after lots of thought, I've decided that my well meaning family member is pushing the only agenda she knows without having a good grip on what my daughters challenges are and what her dx means. This family member is afraid of 'making her stand out' ie: ride the short bus. My daughter doesn't, in fact, ride the short bus because there is no physical need for it. She's concerned with the stigma and labelling and not blending in with the herd. I have so many issues with that sort of thinking and I just need to take a deep breath and let her issues remain HER issues. Not mine or my daughters.

buryuntime - I did see the wording and my concern was with the 'excessive nature'. My daughter's writing dx is both physical and processing, dyspraxia and dysgraphia. Her mistakes are 'excessive' but not for lack of trying. If her IU team is strongly pushing for assistive devices to help her in this respect I'd consider her disablity as significant enough to alter this teachers approach in this regard. The question remains - does this teacher even know my daughter has an IEP? But even if my daughter had no issues whatsoever, I still find that list to be somewhat stern for 4th grade. And I went to catholic school as a kid. I know all about stern. They were never quite this heavy handed even back then. Laying down the law like a drill sargent the second day of school... I don't know. It just feels like bad form to me.

Chronos - so you are of the mind that working harder is the solution? Lagging behind in a skill or subject is one thing. Am I understanding you correctly? You see no difference when the child has a clear disability? An inability to do the same level of work as their peers because of neurological dysfunction? Unfortunately, my daughter cannot constantly rewrite everything because of her dyspraxia - her hand fatigues quickly and she is physically unable to write after about two full pages or so. If it was simply a matter of making her practice more she would have be writing fluidly by 2nd grade - before she was dx'd with the disabilty. We tried practice,practice,practice. It only frustrated her and damaged her self esteem to the point of self abuse. I'm not sure a 'work harder' philosophy works in every situation but especially not in this one where it has already been proven to have no positive value.

elfmusic - I did feel this list was heavyhanded for all kids - not just mine. Laying out expectations is one thing - demanding compliance with a threat is another from a psychological stand point. It felt very 'do it or else'. I don't parent that way and I am taken aback that a teacher would 'teach' this way. Maybe its just a philosophical difference. And, unfortunately, taking away recess would literally devestate my daughter. She did lose one recess last year and it terrified her. She tries quite hard to 'be a good kid' and punishment for an honest mistake related to her disabilities gets internalized and sets her on a path of depression, and self abuse. My kid has consequences for bad behavior at home but I'm pretty sure that her regular classroom teachers have no clue whatsoever what is behavior driven and what is disability driven especially since my daughter seems very 'normal' on the surface. She wants to be social and tried so very hard to be social. It's the reason we do not home school - so she has as much social opportunity as possible because she does want it. Taking away recess is akin to removing her OT class. Her Asperger's dx is a confirmed social disability. Removing her from social situations is counterproductive.

Just why? Why do I need to do this with the school every frigging year?! It is all in black and white. From some highly competent doctors. From their own specialist. From the IU specialists. Why can't they simply hand the IEP to her teachers? Isn't that the bare minimum of required action? I am starting to wonder if we are not witnessing some form of discrimination. The kids with low functioning autism do not have these problems. They have obvious outward signs of their disability. Everyone keeps saying 'she's not that bad'... as compared to what? She has enough issues to keep her from being 'normal' but not enough to warrant their full attention and concern because she 'looks ok'?

Sorry for the rant. I'm just so tired of having to fight this battle on both sides.

I hope you didn't take my sarcasm too seriously. The "Dark Ages" I described have been around since I was in elementary school (c.1960s). The obvious "R_t_rds" were sent off to the "Special Ed" classroom - a double-wide trailer outside the main school building. Those who were marginal - they had something not-quite-right that no one could figure out (AS had not been recognized in the US back then) - were insulted, humiliated, ignored, and shown every other measure of contempt legally possible, and mostly by the teachers!.

Greenwood Elementary School is now for sale. I hope they turn it into a brothel, a free clinic, or both.

Your rant is more than understandable.

Because Asperger's isn't as obvious as other disabilities it is discounted by so many people - relatives, teachers, other professionals.

These people do not begin to understand the reality. And sadly they probably never will - UNLESS they happen to have a child of their own with AS.

My daughter also had a problem with writing for long periods. The problem is very real and well documented.

The sarcasm was loud and clear - but thanks for making sure. This is the problem I'm having with the family member. She is more concerned with other kids calling her a 'ret*d' and singling her out for her 'labels'. I remember that sort of thing in grade school in the 70's too. But the special ed class was something hidden away back then. It's real easy to be singled out when the 'authority' is singling you out. The IDEA law has changed things considerably in the US. With that and the heavy anti-bullying education I don't really see that same level of kid meanness I witnessed as a kid. This is also why this 'list' kind of hit me in the face. It reads like something from another era to me.

Hopefully, I'll have some progress news to report later today.

Just as a warning - I'm a college Aspie speaking from my own experience, NOT a parent.

I know the frustration of having a 4th grade teacher who is far too harsh on her students. My own sent out a list like that, as well as making us write everything in cursive and marking down for having eraser marks on our papers, as an indication that it hadn't been perfect the first time. This was long before my dx (diagnosed in 11th grade at age 16), so my parents couldn't really do a whole lot. Because of the ridiculous standards we were held to, I often spent 3 to 4 hours a night on homework (that's more than I have now in college!). My parents called my teacher about the homework load; her response was, "Make her quit after an hour at most. It shouldn't take any longer than that." Unfortunately, I didn't have more than a third of my homework done after an hour, so I would go to school without it done and get called lazy and slow.

Writing that letter was a phenomenal idea, and I really hope you get the help you, and your daughter, need.

I see that I'm late to this "party," but I wanted to add my two cents. It sounds like the teacher is being heavy handed, but it's possible that this is the way she starts out so that she can have room to pull back later - set the tone as "no nonsense" at the beginning, so you don't get trampled. I think it's a (bad?) technique that is taught in some classroom management courses. Hopefully, that's what it is, and it was poorly carried out. I hope your direct communication with the teacher about your daughter (and her needs) solves the problem.

If it doesn't, you might want to contact the Education Law Center of Philadelphia. They have publications (free) to help parents understand and assert their children's rights to a free appropriate education. Also, the Disability Rights Network provides advice to parents about their individual situations - contact them through the intake system.

Good luck!

Not to mention that for kids with hyperactivity or some sensory processing issues, getting a chance to move around often helps them think and behave better. Some experts say that a child with ADHD should never lose recess for misbehavior, for example. This research demonstrates how important recess is.

I'm sure that 'looking ok' on the surface will be enough to get anyone through life... I swear these people don't ever hear the words coming out of their mouths. I KNOW they intend for those words to be comforting in some way. They're not. At all. I have a very good grasp on my daughters challenges and what that translates into in the real world. I know my daughter will catch up and learn what she needs to know to life an independant life. I have no doubt of that. But I want her to succeed in that life, to be happy and productive and confident - not just exist in it. I think I want what every parent wants it is just that my kid needs a bit of extra help to get there. WHY is that desire being condescended to? 'She's not that bad' is as insensitive as many other placations people use without thought.