feeling like your behind everyone else

Post Reply New Topic

This post is intended for people in their high school / college years. Much of this stuff will probably be sorted out by the time we are in our late 20's or 30's, and by then, there are less milestones and expectations of what a person should do at their age, once those things are sorted out. Just now, in a school/college environment the feeling of being behind others.

I don't mean intellectually, but I mean in terms of experience and accomplishment, does anyone feel like they are 4 or 5 years behind other people their age in some regards. Me, personally, I'm turning 20 soon. Never had a relationship or even a date, I'm still working on my driver's license, I've had very limited work experience. So in some regards, I feel like I am 5 years ahead of other students, but in other regards I still feel like I am 15.

Anyone can relate?

Precisely. I was always precocious and ahead of my peers in many respects (i.e. academically) but, at the same time, just lost. minervx, I'm older than you and now near my PhD ( ) & I do well. Still though there is that inexplicable lag. I strongly relate to those who are much older than myself and almost do not fit in with my peers. More to the point, I don't think I have peers. I might wish, sometimes, I had peer-like friends but I'm almost unsure what that means.

Once I read that Aspies have a jagged maturational style and I think your posts sums up this phenomena. Also, it's hard to explain to another; I think only other Aspies 'get it.' Of course I cannot predict your future but I suspect, like me, this will always be true for you. But you're right in that after a while it no longer matters so much. Sometimes I do worry that I've not had those milestones but I guess my path is not like theirs. At times, it's as if I'm a wise 100 year old at the same time as a pre-schooler! Our sense of time/progression may be different.

exactly. many 17-24 year old aspies mature in a very imbalanced way. they can be VERY mature (like in their 30's or 40's) in knowledge, book smarts, larger thought, intrapersonal maturity, but in terms of empirical experience, emotional maturity, social maturity, they can at times be like a 12-15 year old.

the lopsidedness of it all is confusing. perhaps feeling so self confident in one area, and then stepping in another and feeling so vulnerable. its a big shift.

in a way, i always felt like i was socially 5 or more years behind everyone, no matter how much i age. i'm soon to be 20. my step brother is 13. he'll probably be going to more parties, have more dates, and etc than I will at 21.

but by the time most of us are 30, if we keep working at it, we will have all this stuff settled.

I couldn't concur more. Often people find it hard to understand this about me - and either judge me as someone of complete equal maturity to others my age, then are very surprised when they find out information that says otherwise, or they see more childlike parts of me and judge me as extremely immature - as a whole - underestimating me and my "older than my age" maturity in other areas.

I am 23, and although I am studying and live independently, I cannot drive (don't even have my learners), and romantically am still behind. I've never been in a long term relationship, have only been in one proper relationship at all, have never had sex (this fact many of my friends simply cannot understand, especially my male friends as presumably I am an attractive person). I had my first kiss when I was 19.

Sometimes it's like I need looking after - I'm forgetful, childlike, and playful, and other times it's like I'm far wiser than my years. I am colder/harder and more jaded than my years also, unfortunately.

btw, I don't think we tend to have this stuff settled by the age of 30. I think it tends to be a lifetime thing...

I definitely feel that I am maybe 5-10 years behind other people, the following are just some of the reasons why:
> I went through university without going out partying and I only started going out to bars when my sister who is 5 years younger than me started taking me.
> I have not yet had a relationship and half of my school year are now married.
> When my parents first suggested that I should learn to drive I remember telling them I didnt want to because I didnt feel old enough or responsible enough. Though I did eventually decide it would allow me to do more things on my own so I learnt a year after my peers.

I though it was just me but Im glad to know its probably an aspie trait to feel more juvenile in some aspects of life.

I both agree with and disagree with this statement. I think that the majority of goals you are expected to reach happen before you are 30 ie wearing makeup, learning to drive, have a boyfriend, first kiss, first sex, marriage so you feel like everyone else is moving through the goals faster than you. But there may come a point like 30 when you realise you are an adult and people dont discuss and compare those things anymore they have more important things to think about.

I would not say that I will have done all those things by the time I am 30 but I will have a clearer view of what I have achieved in my life and that everyone moves at their own pace and yes I may have missed the age where I am supposed to have done those things but Im taking life at my own pace and my happiness is more important than meeting deadlines set by society.

Most definitely. I've ticked off a few things "people do around this age", albeit maybe once, while everyone else is apparently doing those things everyday. I do feel behind in someways, but proud that I'm sometimes ahead in the maturity part.

i mean by thirty, we should all have the basic things that most 16-20 year olds have settled: driving, dating, job, etc, even though we may still have social difficulties

Why would aspie bother wanting to get ahead. What ever do they hope to achieve ?


Lucky I can have that mindset as I bought my unit in the just post recession of the early 90's where you could buy an 'average" priced home at 2.5 times annual earnings now it's like 30 times well not quite more like 8-9 times , you have your greedy and selfish boomer parents to thank for that one if the government scraped the inflationary white shoe tax policies I would welcome it , so would sensible people though most people aren't also their to greedy me me me me whats in it for me and lets not forget lazy. If you want wealth don't do it at the expense of the poor try the stockmarket,venture capital or start up a business.

I know it ain't going to happpen

Last edited by aussiebloke on 01 Sep 2011, 7:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.

not really on topic though...

I think that's incredibly smart have you considered riding a bicycle because smart people ride bikes (it's true) stupid people drive cars get stuck in peak hour traffic and than ring rant back radio and complain about it. Why would aspie want a car unless it's a special interest, what a waste of time and money (like a GF)

Well may be it's time to silence the naysayers Sunshower I'm willing to bet their are a few members here who wouldn't mind giving you 6 inches but not I , I couldn't be bothered.







I think it's one of those things you have to do just once, like going to Canberra I know you like to travel Sunshower they go on and on about it (well comedians do) in some ways you couldn't be bothered going you know it will be a bit of a non event though you simply must satisfy a curiosity , you go and it turns out to be a "meh event" Do I regret going to Canberra "no" but I can confirm now that the comedians are right to poor a bucket of merde over it, it's the worst city in the world and it comes with stupid cold to (ie cold without snow)

How would you describe Canberra in a few short words it's like a desert lizzard ,looks dead but alive a cross between Bandar Seri Begawan and a soviet era planed city it's that bad though to be fair to Canberra it has (amazingly so) for a city of 400,000 shed loads of fauna and flora.



Next on my comedic reality tour Perth (cub) cashed up bogan, and Adelaide (vanilla bogon) and Townsville ( vanilla essence bogan ) , if you believe the comedians if these 2 cities where to procreate you'd get Mercedes Corby!

Yes I can relate....... I'm far, far behind................

yes. all of colleagues from both high school and college are in committed long term relationships, are engaged, or are married, something I probably won't be till I'm closer to my 30's. They all have established careers, I feel way behind on where I'd like to be in life right now.

I just came from a party of 19-20yr olds playing beer pong, and I felt horribly out o' place. I have never dated or had or gf or had sex. I have been on maybe 1 or 2 dates, and I have kissed a couple girls(we were both drinking), but that is it.

I still don't know how to interact with the opposite sex, and it is getting really frustrating. I went my whole high school and college years without anyone.....no sweetheart no girl...... and it makes me feel bad as s**t. I had alot of chances though, I could have....there were some girls that liked me, but i just didn't have that feeling inside of me...that confidence. I was definitely scared of girls.

Now I just feel like some older weirdo to these younger girls, even though I try not to think that way.

Meh, I can relate as well, I'm in the exact same predicament. I haven't had any dates, real relationships, and I never played beer pong or been to a party.

Im in my second year at a university, and I started smoking marijuana last year, and I was obsessed with it like a 14/15 year is when they first start smoking it. I was like "WEEEEEEDD HELL YEAH" and would say "IM SO STONED RIGHT NOW" on my facebook statuses.