wish i could get a GF without any work at all, like most NTs

Post Reply New Topic

it is just constantly frustrating, how everytime i turn around someone i knew that was single now has somebody, and as far as i can see, it just automatically happened, with no work whatsoever on anyones part.

i have such bad self-confidence issues, that i can barely bring myself to talk to a girl, even tho i know i am good, interesting person. (but then i read this stuff about how NT girls DON'T want nice guys, they only want cocky cheeky guys who are only nice to them) and i am just dumbfounded and dont know what to believe.

i guess if i could completely rid myself of being fearful of rejection, or what she and everyone else will think, then i would have a chance and maybe someday learn the true skills on getting a GF.





and if anyone who knows me or of me in real life sees this, i honestly dont give a mother f**k. piss off. you dont understand what having AS is all about and you never will.

I think you got a very valid point, to get rid of fear of rejection. I think most NT guys will approach a girl without this fear. If she accepts you - cool, if not then threre's another girl over there.

I won a dispute with a friend of mine, by telling her off, which I don't usually do, and accepting she might be so mad she'd end the friendship. I was totally prepared for that, thinking it was more important for me to stand up to her than to maintain the friendship.

I won because I lost my fear of her rejecting me.

You and me too, brother.

I very much doubt non-AS people have to do no work at all to get a mate. It certainly is easier for them, but to think they have it easy is wrong.

Hey,

At least you're already a decent and respectful human being, right? I know that's where some of your doubts are coming from, but you're already way out ahead of many people. Focus on your positives and stop working so hard to be perfect.

At least you don't have to start from scratch.

BTW ... it's an illusion! Those people who seem to have it easy, are really working as hard as you are, but their game is to keep their lies from being discovered.

The problem is that we often overthink every aspect of things, especially where there is some risk. Yes to us there is some RISK involved in rejection. It can hurt us.

Before we even get a go signal we have already preplanned a dozen possiblities in our heads and the results are not always what we would like to have happen. The problem with doing this is that our imagination can easily conceive of things happening "just as they always have in the past".

Even when our history of successes is quite diverse, we are still not satisfied with our concept of the results and we need to do things differently from the past and we know this, but that's the area where our vast imaginations are limited. We can't think of anything to do or say that is all that different from what we've already done and tried.

The old saying "Don't work harder, work smarter" applies here ... Be creative.

Going on from what DirtDawg said, you could also say it's better to not work so hard, period. Maybe you're trying to tackle this whole issue of getting a girlfriend, when you'd benefit far more from working towards easier goals first.

If someone keeps tripping over their shoelaces, it's far better that they tie up their laces before they run the marathon, right? So maybe you need to sort out the social basics first before you concentrate on relationships. What social difficulties are you specifically having?

First of stop seeing it was "work".
Try to befriend the girls and show you are interested in them.
Not necissarily even any signs of wanting a relationship.
If they are interested you wil find out about it.
They wil give subtle signs of interest while usually being to shy to admit it.

Smiling also helps alot, for me aniways.
Give compliments, women love that.
These are my basics.

But just as important things are:

Dress well in fashionable clothing.
Make sure you always smell fresh with deodorant.
Get a good haircut.

Fashionable clothing might seem shallow, but most girls care ALOT about those things.

I used to have serious trouble getting a girlfriend, and the most dates I had in one year was two. But ever since I lowered my standards as much as I could, I started going on more dates, as much as two in one month. And most importantly, I can clearly see myself having a girlfriend in the near future.

My advice to you is this. If a girl's looks don't matter to you, ask out the ones who don't usually get approached by guys. Your chances with her will skyrocket as a result.

It takes a lot of effort and courage to land a date and/or relationship with anyone, regardless of whether your'e AS or NT.

Agreed. One of my best friends isn't NT, and she's always had a boyfriend for as long as I've known her. Somehow, thinking it's easier for everyone else can somehow paralize you. Just do what you can!

At least, the fashionable shallow girls do.

For some reason, if a girl is actually willing to talk to me I don't have a problem talking to them. I don't get nervous or anything. Considering all the rest of you have less polarizing personalities, I have to wonder if there is somewhere an aspie that has both the lack of nervousness and the lack of a horribly polarizing personality.

Removing social anxieties, stifling self-doubts, and low self-esteem is only the beginning. Now I have much more self-confidence and and perfectly comfortable approaching random women even (of all sorts), yet I've still never been on a date. I really don't know what it is that "turns on" a woman to you.

I'm sure NTs are actually putting effort into getting into relationships, but their social maneuvering passes over our heads.

Not to nitpick, but that's probably not that good an example as she's a female. Unless she's ugly, she's going to have more chance of landing someone than the typical AS male.



I don't get it. How can you want a female who is attractive, but who also doesn't show any interest in her appearance? To me that makes very little sense.

Personally, I like women who wear little or no make-up and are comfortable with their own natural beauty. So ladies, do you really want a man who thinks you should look like Barbie? Gents, do you really want a woman who thinks it's important to be as well made-up as all the other sorority sisters? Well, when you find someone you really want to be with, you'll accept a few shortcomings.

Most of the women worth being around are also worth spending the effort on.

Don't give up. Find ways to generally improve yourself, attractiveness will follow. And if you find someone or not, you're still improved.

And you can still find a way to get into a relationship later.

And depending on how you've improved yourself, you might have a better idea of how to go about this.


Find and create situations in which no matter what happens, you come out ahead. It's how people win battles, and lets face it, love is war after all.